Watching and Waking Up to Addiction

 

*Please keep in mind, these posts are my daily "ramblings." Nothing prophetic or wise.  No advice given.  Just my experiences, feelings, and thoughts as I travel the road to Glory.

I got in bed last night with the empty space beside me.  I stared at it blankly.

My two large American Staffordshire pups beside me, each in their own spot, and me on my usual side.  We laid there ready for sleep.  9 p.m. - the usual weeknight bed time and the usual bedtime routine.

But something was missing last night.

There was an empty space.  A space that never seemed empty before.

It was empty now because it had been filled more than it was empty last week.  So that made our mindsets shift (yes plural because I count the pups...).  

It was hard to see realizing that the reason the space was empty was because addiction was engaged.  I tried to roll over and ignore the space.  That didn't work.

I prayed.  That didn't really work either.  I thought, "Well, Lord.  What do you want me to do?  Do I need to get up and read Scripture?"  I was very unsure.

I did what any good family member would do.  I picked up my phone and looked.  Yes.  Addiction (or my perspective of it) was engaged.

I saw my loved one telling our story (was it meant to be shared?) to strangers, a community I didn't know or really appreciate at this point in our lives.  I read the comments where they shared their adoration and love of my family member.  I read the comments (not terrible, mind you) but that were "against" my feelings and thoughts.

Listen.  I've been down this road before.  I am very familiar with this "community," these people, and this lifestyle.  So - no comments made their way through my armor.  However, seeing my loved one put our family's story out there?  That didn't make me 100% comfortable.

As I said, I've been down this road before.  Only "I" was the perpetrator.  I get it.  I know the game.  I know the routine.  I know the deep feelings there.

That's why today's Proverbs 31 devotion is so very important.  It is God speaking to my family member.  

I know they will never read it, but for memory and for whatever-sakes, I'm including the link here.  

Isn't it just like God to show up?

I don't know what today will hold.  Will I share what I know?  Will I backdown on my feelings and stance?  I don't know.  But God does.

So - as usual - I lay my loved one down at the cross and I lay my path there as well.  Because I've been ON the path, dragging my own family down it - but I've never been the dragged on.

Addiction (or what we feel is addiction) are tough roads to travel.  Last night, I watched my loved one.  This morning I woke up and found God holding us.

If you are traveling down a path of addiction, search out Scripture.  Search out YouVersion plans on addiction.  Talk to trusted family members and friends.  And above all - lay your loved on at the feet of Jesus.  He really is listening.

I can't explain the things that have happened to me since Jesus pulled back the curtain for me to take a peek.  Last night being another example.  Did I want to see my life being laid out on the internet?  Did I want to see my loved one crying?  Of course not.

I don't know right now if it is the devil or the Lord saying, "Maybe you should change your mind.  Look at him.  He really loves this."  Is evil trying to trick me and allow something in my home that shouldn't be here or is it the Lord saying, "I'm here."

I don't know.

Friends, if you are reading this and are struggling with addiction or have friends or family members struggling, keep pressing in and forward.  Seek resources.  Seek people.  Seek help.  Seek God.

Empty places are meant to be filled.  Homes are meant to be kept sacred.  Love is meant to be free, not hidden.

Today, this is my walk.  Tonight will be another story and another piece in the puzzle of life.  I love you all.  As always, feel free to write, message, or comment if it helps you.

Happy Tuesday my friends!