Praying it Forward

 

Good morning readers.

I missed yesterday, but I had a very long day doing something for and inside my community so I was unable to study God's Word and journal my thoughts.

I didn't think anyone read this blog, but my "views" are increasing tremendously, so I guess someone is watching and reading.  I hope the people that click on my link are the people Jesus has carefully orchestrated to find it, no matter where you are in this big world.

I am only the vessel.  And I blog to help myself heal.  If Jesus uses my words to help you, all the praise and glory goes only to Him.

This has been an eventful 14 days for me.  I have gone from a breakup with hurt and grief and anger to a small bit of healing and hope and restoration to praying for the person that hurt me and for their eventual growth and healing as well.

Remember this:  When people hurt us, it is usually because they have been hurt first and are just lashing out at us.  I know that's what happened to me, but in that hurt, the lashing out was deeper and more hurtful than it should have been.

So, I turned here and to my walk with God.  It is so easy to move away from God when you are busy working and tending to all the other things in life that keep us so busy.  Taking time out to study God's Word, share your thoughts with Him, and pray really helps do so many things:

• It heals your heart a tad bit quicker.
• It grants you wisdom.
• It allows you to see God at work.

In the last 14 days, my prayers shifted.  Yesterday, I laid down in bed and started to pray FOR the person that hurt me.  I had prayed FOR this person before, but somehow it was different yesterday.  I always prayed for Jesus to grant this person maturity, growth, and wisdom.  To grant this person the confidence and capability to lead.

But yesterday, the devil tried to sneak into my prayer and whispered in my ear, "But what does his Mom and Sister think of you?" "What has he told them?" "You need to defend yourself!"  As I laid there, praying for my person, I saw Jesus on the Cross in my mind.

He said, "I did not defend myself, although I could have called a thousand angels to my defense."  "You need to remain still and quiet.  Do nothing."

So I did and I have.  Listen - you can't fix everyone, and you can't make everyone believe you are not less than or not mean or not selfish, as you may have been portrayed.  That's not your job.  Our job is to stick to the Cross, kneeling before an Almighty God, bringing all our thoughts before Him - all our hurts - our tears - our anger - and every other emotion.  He is ready.  His yoke is light.  Give him the burden and the reins.  Let Jesus carry you.

I love this prayer from my devotion this morning.  It so encapsulates my feelings:

"Father in the name of Jesus, I pray for my person's mind.  Your Word says to let this mind be in us which is also in you.

My person's mind has been impacted by his past in some way or another. It is impeding on his ability to love and serve you and to love me as your Word commands.  I pray that every irrational and distorted thought pattern be broken off his mind.  I pray every hurt and pain he has experienced, whether by others or self-inflicted, that he can offer forgiveness and be restored within himself.

For every unfortunate experience my person has endured, I pray that the effects of those experiences no longer dominate his mind, emotions, or will.  I pray that his mind is completely healed and restored. I pray that his mind is renewed by the blood of Jesus so he may be free to serve you and to love others.  In Jesus' name.  Amen."

I don't know if my person will ever be able to accept my apology.  I don't know if they will ever be able to extend their hand out to forgive me.  It's been 14 days and nothing but a lot of silence or replying briefly to a message I may have sent here and there.

But I know God has helped me so much these past 14 days.  I have grown, I have received phone calls and messages from people I never expected, and I have been surrounded by the love of God in ways I can never explain.

Lysa TerKeurst says this, "The disappointment that is exhausting and frustrating you? It holds the potential for so much good. But we’ll only see it as good if we trust the heart of the Giver.  You see, disappointment can be a gift from God that feels nothing like a gift at all.  But disappointment isn’t proof that God is withholding good things from us. Sometimes it’s His way of leading us Home."

Wow.  Disappointment in others and our circumstances can be a gift from God to lead us HOME.  How utterly beautiful is that?

She wraps it up like this, "...rest assured, our God loves us and is with us, even in this. He really does have everything worked out. And His plans are good even when circumstances don’t feel good."

Amen.

Keep moving forward.  Keep praying.  I am going to do that.  My hurt is far from healed.  My holiday today is immensely different than it could have been had the heart of God been offered when I failed 14 days ago.  But the blame ultimately rests on me for the falling and fail, no matter what the origin of the fail was.

I did as God's Word instructed - I apologized and asked for forgiveness, but I cannot control anyone else's actions, feelings, or thoughts.  Prayer time the last few days has shown me that it is best to rest at the foot of the Cross and let Jesus handle my life and those surrounding me.  

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone reading this.  I am thankful today for girlfriends, new friends, and old friends that speak wise counsel, listen patiently, and love earnestly.  I am thankful for a gathering today that encompasses all the people I love.  I rest in their presence today and give thanks for gifts of each of them in my life.

I hope your home and heart are filled with love as well.