Were You Let Down?

 

Good morning my friends, and Happy Valentine's Day.

I am sitting at my kitchen counter this morning, with my little pink and gold mug full of hot coffee, trying to stay warm and positive.

Yep, you read that right - positive.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of trying to make it work - okay, make everything work, all the time.

The County taxes went up.  My homeowner's insurance went up.  My mortgage payment increased $200.  The basement pump is broken.  The fence is falling down, and my yard now looks like Sanford and Son's backyard. 

It just keeps piling on and on and on.  I'm exhausted.  I'm not sleeping through the night.  I just wonder, "God, when does the hamster wheel end and I get some peace?  When do I get to stop spending money on life and start spending it on others?"

And, a lot of times - our own personal woes with money, work, and staying afloat bleed into our own self-pity of being disappointed with others.

I can personally count on one hand - and probably two if I thought about it long and hard enough - the women around me who have been disappointed in the men in their lives.  Affairs, mental health issues, abandonment, and marriage & family commitment issues are just a few of the hurdles these women have faced.

It's not surprising our stress levels are high, that we are developing emotional scars, and that we are losing trust in other humans. 

I, too, struggle with trust issues.  Our past paths in life create scars in our hearts that blur our outlook on both our current and future paths.  All the women I am thinking about this morning are strong Christians, who have profound faith in God.  Yet, we all still struggle with being disappointed with someone in our lives.

As I sat here this morning, after another night of restless sleep and worry, I opened my laptop to see what God had for me.  I read this.  It really hit home and opened my mind to the reminder that I am not alone at being disappointed in people.  We all struggle with this one thing.

The key to remember - I believe - is to not let the devil see it and capitalize on it.  He relishes in our failures.  He delights in diverting us off God's path.  So, to my girls this morning - I see you.  I believe this devotion was for you.

I hope it touches you and reminds you - like it did me - that we must grieve; we must show God our tears and/or our anger; and we must accept that people fail, but God never will!

I see you.  I love you.  Embrace today - Valentine's Day - remembering that the greatest Valentine of all was Jesus and the gift of LOVE he gave us on that bitter, bitter Friday afternoon.  That give of LOVE redeemed us all.  YOU ARE WORTHY and not forgotten! 

When People Let You Down

Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit—especially when others disappoint or deceive me. Often I ignore my disappointment, shut it in a box and hope the lid holds. Sometimes I gloss it over with a quick, “People will let you down, but God never will.” True, but does this really help me process the hurt?

One morning, I poured out my sadness, anger and disappointment to God about a close relationship. As the tears slipped down my face, I begged for an answer: What do I do with this? Show me. I’ll do it because what I’ve been doing is not working.

In my spirit, Jesus said, “Grieve.”

Really? I questioned. I remembered that Jesus knew disappointment—Peter’s denial, Judas’s betrayal and the disciples falling asleep during his anguish before his crucifixion (see Matthew 26). Jesus understood my pain.

So I cried, feeling every ounce of the disappointment. I told God all the things I wished were different, all the things I thought this person had done wrong, and what I wished this person would change.

After the winds of grief subsided, I was done. Grieving was the bridge I had to cross to move beyond the disappointment. On the other side, I could embrace the relationship for what it was, not what it wasn’t.

Only after we’ve allowed ourselves to grieve will we know how to respond in the way God wants. We may need to talk to the person who disappointed us or get godly counsel. We may need healthy boundaries or to just let it go.

Once we’ve completed those steps, the words “People will let you down, but God never will” will be comforting, not empty.

By Melanie Chitwood

2 Corinthians 1

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 

Holding Places - Can We Really Trust God?

 

Good morning.  

I'm not really sure how my writing is going to go today.  My heart is tender.  Heck, my entire self is tender and it feels like I'm walking on a tightrope across Tallulah Gorge.

My life started spiraling downward Sunday night when my now ex (wow - that is extremely hard to say - something I never dreamed I'd have to say and still do not want to say) unfriended me on social media and then called - not me but - my brother and sister-in-law.

I never got the chance to talk through problems or feelings he had been harboring inside his heart.  I never got to explain myself or ask for forgiveness.  I never got a chance to make amends.

Our love and relationship was never given the respect it deserved.  Our relationship was just tossed to the side so that one person could escape their hurt and retreat to a safe place.  No extended hand, in love, was given so that repairs might be made.  Just abandonment and self focus.

Sometimes, life isn't fair.  Sometimes, you might have to understand a person isn't equally yoked with you at a moment in time.

David & I had talked about the future so many times.  We had talked about who would marry us.  Where we would get married.  Where we would live.  How we would sell my house to obtain funds to build a home in Dahlonega.  How he would move in with me until the Lord provided a path to our new life in North Georgia.

So, I had no reason to doubt the future or the upcoming attacks the devil would besiege upon us.

Unbeknownst to me, there was another underlying disease that always threatened our relationship, and I was so naïve and unaware of this until our separation for "time and space" 10 weeks ago.

When that break came, the Lord began to open miracle doors for me.  I met one child of an abused Father who told me her story.  Then, I sat down with two of my best friends (a couple).  The wife was the child of an alcoholic.  Then, my brother came to me with a story of how his ex-wife's Father was an alcoholic.  

Miraculously, God stitched all three of these stories together over three different days!  Each person that shared their story did not know I had received another person's story!  All stories mirrored each other, but more importantly, each person's story mirrored my ex's story as well as his family's.

I don't know why God never gave me this information before.  Maybe my perception of the disease and our relationship, and what I have now learned is called ENMESHMENT in AA circles, would have changed.  Maybe I would have been more understanding to what was going on.  Maybe more patient, more giving. More loving, more kind.

But God did not.

On Tuesday of this week, one of our teachers came and sat in my office.  He is half my age, engaged to be married, and a kind and gentle soul.  Earlier in the day, he and another teacher had come to sit in my office during lunch.  During our conversation, they asked about my ex.  During that conversation, I revealed there were some outside influences I had been unable to battle with throughout the last five years and how my family and myself had been stumped as to why things in the relationship had stopped progressing forward.

That singular conversation was the catalyst for his returning to my office hours later to share his story.

Through sharing his story (also the child of an alcoholic), my teacher friend was able to help me understand that I may have been a "lighthouse" for my ex.  A safe spot, a landing area - but in reality, that was all I could ever hope to be.  He explained to me the term ENMESHMENT and what it means inside the AA and Al-Anon community.  Years of counseling and attending meetings had given him the knowledge to pass along to me and my situation.

Despite promises of marriage, who would marry us, where we would live, etc., the power of ENMESHMENT in an addiction family is far too great for any one individual to be free from on their own accord.  It takes counseling and joining support groups to break the bond(s).

To understand the disease of alcoholism, you must have experienced it in some way.  For me, it was finally being able to sit down with five different families who were battling the disease with someone in their family.  All five stories came on different days, at different times, and from people who did not know each other.  I call that Divine intervention.

My teacher friend also shared, through tender words, how I was viewed as the enemy since I was outside the family.  I never felt like the enemy; I was only ever showed love and acceptance by my ex's family.  In truth, I love them as if they were my own.  I have no issues with any of them, and I miss being around them tremendously.

But this is what ENMESHMENT does.  It ties the family members together with powerful, dysfunctional ties and views any attempt to leave or separate from the family or anyone that doesn't become fully immeshed into the family as a threat to the family unit as a whole.  Thus, I was the element that was threatening separation instead of integration.  And because of my "pressure," my ex could not mentally, emotionally, or physically process leaving his Parents.  So, after ten weeks of battling emotions and trying to make decisions, the ENMESHMENT won and the "enemy" was cast out so that peace could remain within the (dysfunctional) family unit.

I want to be clear that each of the people or families I sat down with were all gentle in explaining the disease, and each one stressed to me that no matter what "offenses" I committed, the result would have probably remained the same as families of alcoholics normally do not separate but stay close to each other unless a person within the family leaves home at an early age or is strong enough to break free and seek group support and counseling.

(Disclaimer:  My friend explaining all this to me was the person able to "break free" from his parents, after meeting his fiancé.  They started counseling together as well as support groups.  His fiancé is now viewed as the outsider and "enemy" at family functions.)

So, all that said - Until counseling is undertaken or AA or Al-Anon classes are joined and attended regularly and with consistency, my ex will never be able to leave his situation.  It would be virtually impossible.  And that just breaks my heart, as ENMESHMENT won the battle, and I lost my best friend.

For me, it was a moment the lightbulb finally came on.  My family had been asking my ex to move a mere 20 min. down the road, but it always seemed an impossible feat for him to accomplish - or something he didn't have a clear answer to.  He just kept repeating he didn't want to leave his Parents and son, and at almost 50 years old, we just didn't understand it.  At the time, a few weeks ago, my sister-in-law said through her tears, "We are stumped. We just don't understand it."

Now, God has given us the answer we have been seeking.

Through these stories, from families suffering with the diseases of alcoholism and addiction, we can witness personal victories and escapes.  God has shown us what the devil can do.  How he works through the disease of addiction to break families apart or keep them together dysfunctionally.

I can now fully understand the battles and walls I was up against and how I could never win the war.

Only self-awareness, Jesus, AA, & Al-Anon can help people break the bonds of this disease and move on to functional lives.

Having the answer, though, doesn't take away the pain of loss.

I still lost my best friend and partner of the last five years.  I still lost times and experiences we shared. I still lost the plans we had for our future.  I still lost our soul-to-soul connection, where Jesus blesses you with the kind of sweet love you feel deep within in your chest.  I felt like I had known and loved David forever, and I knew I would love him forever.  I was looking forward to growing old together.

And I still feel like I've lost the best part of me.

I've lost the vacations we shared together.  I've lost the at-home times we shared together, cooking supper or watching TV.  I've lost my extended family.  My family has lost a member.

So yes - I am in a holding place.

Will Jesus close my heart to David?  Will He remove the love that remains?  I don't know.  I shudder to think of it.

Or will He keep me on my knees praying for things like salvation or rescue from IMMESHMENT?  Will Jesus allow David's heart to remain pliable and not grow hard?  I don't know.

Will Jesus allow David to eventually gain vision for his part in some things, ask for my forgiveness, and get the help both he and his family need?  I don't know.

Only Jesus has the answers to both my outcome and David's outcome.  I pray it's not truly the end, but if it is - and David's heart remains turned away, I will trust in God to carry me through and bless my life as I continue to follow His path.

The PROCESS will continue with me having a break down on some days, with ugly crying moments, and with questions asking God why He didn't show me things earlier.

I will keep asking God, "What can I do if my pleas for forgiveness are not accepted?"  "Can You forgive me for my part in breaking things between David and me?"  "Can You restore me and grant new life?"

There are so many pieces and layers to our prayers when families break up.  Hearts can become hard when Jesus asks us to keep them pliable.  Vision can be impaired when God asks us to outfit ourselves with the Belt of Truth.  The devil can influence and whisper his persuasions into our loved ones' (and our own) ears when God asks us to put on the Helmet of Salvation and lift our Shield of Faith to defend ourselves from the evil one's darts.

Just keep presenting your brokenness and prayers to the Lord each day - or on those really deep in the valley days, each hour or minute.

So - now that we understand we are in a holding place, how do we keep going forward each day?  I don't know.  I'm still working on this part truthfully!

I guess we just keep trusting God, take the breakdowns as they flood our Spirit, and then rest.  Keep praying.  Keep claiming Scripture over ourselves and our loved ones. Keep dumping and surrendering our thoughts at the foot of God's Throne.

That's all I know how to do anyway.  I keep ugly crying.  I keep praying.  I hold on.

Even if it's by a thread.

I hope Jesus restores me soon.  I have faith He will.

I know I can't break the ENMESHMENT or disease of alcoholism.  Only Jesus can do that.  But I can pray over people I love, and I can thank God for the wisdom He bestowed upon me.  That's all I can do.  Keep my heart pliable, and my eyes on God.

This morning, I read what is quoted below.  I thought I'd share.  Holding places can be TERRIBLE, but it is in these holding places that we grow and are bestowed wisdom.  I am taking my yesterday and giving it to God.  That's all I know to do...

"We often become anxious for the mountaintop moments in life, but as one of my mentors, Greg Gorman, says, “Vegetation doesn’t exist on the mountaintop. The valley is where you get fed.”

Holding places provide opportunities to be liberated from false mindsets around our identity. When we surrender to the process, we allow our Father to hold us and teach us to trust Him. Amid the wandering, He makes this promise in Exodus 33:14, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Prayer:

Dear Father, thank you for the process of removing the lies surrounding my identity. Thank you that I am your child and dearly loved by you. Thank you for your good gifts, even gifts in holding patterns. Help me to step into full freedom and to trust you. Help me to understand the goodness of your character and your intentions towards me. Help me to rest in you and not in the outcome of my circumstances. Amen.

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

 

Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, & my burden is light."

It's a dreary, cold, & rainy Saturday morning today.

I've already been to the park to walk/run my miles, and I've made breakfast and watched a Christmas movie.

My agenda today is to start decorating for Christmas.  But honestly, I have no desire to do it.  Lately, my heart has been sad, and I'm just not into it yet this year. I feel like the joy has been sucked out of my life for a season.

My prayer partners and inner circle of best girlfriends and family know I am in a season of waiting. And to be honest and transparent here, it sucks - for so many reasons.

Have you ever been here?  It could be for anything.  Health diagnoses, relationship issues, or work-related situations.  It's not a fun place to be.

One day, you are learning and growing and the next minute or even the next day, you could be right back to being broken and wondering why God isn't changing things.

I read this prayer today, and it really touched my heart:

"Father, you are gentle and humble in heart, and you invite me to come to you when I’m weary and burdened. You lead me to a better way. Make me more like you. Open up my eyes to the beauty in this journey of waiting, help me to draw closer to you, and to become more patient. Help me to learn how to rest, wait, listen, and renew. Amen."

I love that - Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.  Interesting series of actions.

The prayer above says "help me...to become more patient..." I've never personally prayed for patience.  In church, we've always been taught to not pray for patience because the Lord will readily oblige and teach you!  Ha! But, I guess, within our seasons of waiting, patience is something that is absolutely necessary.

Over the last two months, I have been sitting through a period of "time and space." I have had my two prayer partners pray over me in written messages as well as over the phone.  The prayers have been beautiful and well-spoken.  They have covered me with love and God's Words. Both men have shared their personal testimonies with me, as well as given good sound and Godly advice.

I have been blessed with these two prayer partners, and I am so grateful God has given them to me.

Along with receiving Godly prayer partners during my season of "time and space," God has also opened a few beautiful doors for me within my house of worship - new serving opportunities; new groups to join for fellowship and learning God's Word; and a renewed love of attending church, worshipping, and learning.

But if you've been through a season of waiting, you know that God's blessings still do not make your period of "rest, wait, listen, and renew" a piece of cake or easier.

It's always hard during these seasons - feelings and thoughts of what your heart wants, asking God where He is and why He isn't showing up, and having Him remain silent on the other end - all struggles mixed in with the blessings He presents us with during this time.

I suppose it is in times of waiting we should strive to become more like Peter.  Remember when Peter tried to walk across the raging waves and sea to meet Jesus out on the water?  He was safe and stayed afloat when his eyes remained on Jesus, but the second he turned away from Jesus, he began to sink.

I think that's what most of us feel like during our seasons of waiting, especially on those days (like today) that are "empty" of any errands or appointments.  I always tend to think on these days, "Well, Jesus.  Here I am.  I've got plenty of time today to work on this thing.  Are you going to open a door or not?"

Lordy.  I'm sure Jesus must get a laugh out of our thought processes, questions, and "little demands."

We are taking our eyes off the PROCESS and Jesus and turning our gaze to the OUTCOME or problem at hand.  And that's when, like Peter, we start to sink.

My prayers remain the same each day.  I pray for change.  I pray for my loved ones.  I pray for protection.  I pray for release.  I thank Jesus for my salvation, forgiving me for my sins, and for creating new life in me.

As a matter of fact, as I was discussing prayer life with one of my prayer partners a few nights ago, we talked about how there is no magic formula for praying.  No special combination of words or actions that automatically prompt Jesus to answer our prayers.

We can pray for God's Will to be done.  We can pray for demonic forces to release those we love.  We can pray for protection over those we love. We can pray for release.  We can pray for doors to open.  We can pray for help and healing in certain situations, but - there will never be any special combination of words or actions that God magically responds to.

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

Write those words down and remember them. Those are the periods of "fire" we have to walk through.  It may take days...or weeks...or as in my prayer partner's situation, years.

But in the end, God will renew us.

It will be His Will and His way, and we will continue to embrace the PROCESS instead of taking our eyes off Him to focus on the outcome we desire.

Trust me, Jesus knows ALL our thoughts and prayers, and He will still do what is best for us, regardless.

I'll sum up today's post with this...

Christian Pastor, speaker, & author John Ortberg says, “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.”

So in the heartbreak of your "time and space" seasons of life, remember this:  REST - WAIT - LISTEN - RENEW - "Waiting is the part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be."

"Father God, I lift up this season of "time and space" and give it to you.  You have heard my prayers.  You know my heart.  I pray that you help me to remember to embrace your PROCESS and not focus on the OUTCOME I desire.  I know what you offer and give to us is what will be the very best for us, even if we can't always see it.

I pray we keep our gaze on you and not what other people think or do to us.  That you bless us and open beautiful doors in our seasons of waiting.  I will trust you to keep instilling wisdom and peace into my heart when evil wants to keep hurt there instead.  It's a hard, long process, and we can't always see or feel you.  We may sometimes wonder where you are and why you aren't answering us, but FAITH says you are always near and always listening.  May we remember these words you teach us and KNOW you will bring us through our seasons.  Amen."

Samaria

 

Good morning friends.

I didn't think I was going to write today.  Read God's Word this morning, and there it was.  Like it always is.

One sentence.  Seven words:

John 4:4, "Now He had to go through Samaria."

Seven is the number of completion in the Bible.  Did you know that?

And (yes, another mind-blowing moment here) that verse is seven words.  Wow.  Mind blown.  Again.

How does Samaria tie into our journey down the road of being single?  Well, let's look at it.

Scripture doesn't say why Jesus had to go through Samaria, just that He "had" to go.  Do you think it's possible He was planning all along to meet the woman at the well?

Scripture tells us the woman at the well already had five previous husbands (keep that number in mind) and she was currently living with man six, who was not her husband.  (Five plus one equals six.)

Then comes man number seven.  Jesus.

The number of completion.  Are you seeing what I am seeing?

Even the verse in Scripture that tells us where Jesus is headed is a number of completion.  Please don't ever think Scripture is not woven together beautifully.  It is God-ordained and perfect.  It is without error.  It is inerrant.

This small and so familiar story is again Jesus and Scripture saying, "You are SEEN.  You matter."

Again, Jesus focuses on a single woman, the least of the least.  So least, she went to get her water from the well when no one else was there.  She was looked down on by society for the number of men she had been with (and still with) over the course of her life up until this time.

Yet, we see our beautiful Savior approach her and single her out.  He is man number seven, and He completes her.

John 4:26, "Then Jesus declared, "I, the one speaking to you, I am He."

As a single, life just seems to be harder sometimes.  Like I wrote earlier, sometimes you think about what it must be like to have someone at your side to start and end your days.  You think about those times (such as myself last night) when you are so tired and sick you can barely stand up.  Can you take care of yourself?  Maybe.  But when you are single, you think about these situations and how having that partner in your life would help make life more palatable.

And then there's Jesus.  He comes along, very quietly, when we are in a valley and whispers to our soul, "...I am He."  Man number seven.

How amazing is this story?  A single woman, the least of the least - a person whom society had tossed aside as no good and not worthy - and Jesus goes to Samaria (think back to verse 4 above, "...He had to go to Samaria.") to complete her.

Yesterday, as I was pushing my (now defunct self-propelled) lawn mower up my front yard hill, the temperature was growing closer to 80 and my 57-year old body was growing weak.  I keep thinking to myself, "I can do this.  It's only an hour of hard work and then the front yard will look great and I'll be done."  (Cutting the grass is a great time for pondering thoughts and thinking and - well, as I was about to find out - listening.)

I found myself going up and down that hill, sweating - heart beating stronger - trying to maintain a controlled breathing pattern - taking one step after another and still thinking, "I'm almost done. If Arthur Blessit could carry his cross up those sand dunes and throw that snow storm, I can cut this grass."

As I climbed that hill and continued to work in the front yard, my mind keep wondering back to a current life situation and how I should handle it.  Suddenly, while cutting around and under an older and large apple tree, I heard God say, "You don't worry about (this person), I will handle (this person).  You look at me and focus on me.  Keep taking one step after another where I lead you."

If I'm being honest, I will say that I then had this brief conversation with God at that moment...  "Lord, I'm so sorry.  I just keep forgetting about you.  I am so focused on what I need to say or what I need to do, I just don't think about you."

If the woman at the well were being honest, she forgot about God too - or maybe she just never knew Him (although she did tell Jesus she heard the Christ was coming!)...

I love that the God we serve always takes the time to come to us where we are.  "...He had to go through Samaria."  Jesus is man number seven, and He completes us.  Never forget that.

Jesus SEES US.  We are SEEN.  Seven words.  Completion.

Remember, He is never late and is always on time!

 

Gonna Be You

 

Good morning friends.

Some mornings you just have to refresh yourself and thank God for the friends and memories you have.

This morning, I'm sitting in my little 2-bedroom Villa at Hilton Head Island.  My girlfriends and I made our annual trip to the beach this year to stay at one of the two Disney beach resorts.  (One is in Hilton Head, and the other one is in Vero Beach, FL.)

Each resort is smaller than any Disney counterpart, and they are a little difficult to book.  Luckily, we were able to finally snag a room in February (our traditional Christmas room hasn't been available for the past two years).

To say this trip has been memorable would be an understatement.  We have have laughed, we have cried, we have eaten (so, so much), and we have had our libations.  It's been a good four days.

I couldn't do life without these two girls.  They make me stay up late, they make me laugh.  They make fun of me.  They give counsel.  When I'm cranky because I have to stay up past 8pm or I sleep in past 8am, they just poke the bear and carry one.

Sometimes, you have to just get away to strip back all the layers of your regular, every day life.  Get real with the people that know you best.  Play "Talk to Me" or "20 Questions" to answer questions no one should know the answers to.

This weekend, we've yelled at each other (sorry about the dog movie); cried tears to each other; and shared all the food and alcohol good friends should share.  We (well, they) danced in the kitchen well past Midnight teaching each other how to Wop and how to sing this song 👇

Life is so much better with these two.  Maybe more to come later.  Right now, packing needs to be done, coffee needs to be sipped, and the last sunrise needs to be documented.

I love you girls more than life itself.  Thank you for yelling at me, laughing together, and making me crawl out of my bubble (okay, maybe you dragged me out of it a bit).  It was a great birthday weekend!  Happy birthday Michelle!

Hit play below.  I woke up to this song this morning, and it was the inspiration for this post.

You can never underestimate the value of good girlfriends!

To Be Human

 

Happy Thursday.

We've almost made it.  When you didn't think you could.  You did.

This morning I sat down with my coffee and a To Do list a mile long, and I opened my laptop.  In the back of mind, I thought, "My devotion I'm working through is on its last day.  What am I going to read next?  I'm not in a valley - there's no subject weighing on my mind - I don't really feel the Spirit.  What am I going to do?"

I pushed the thought aside and clicked on the last day of my daily devotional study and started reading.  Here is what I read:

"In our most private moments, we want to scream words we don’t use around our Bible friends at the unfairness of it all. But then there are more hopeful moments… where we want to turn up the praise music, lift up honest prayers, and declare that God is good."

Hmmm...that did strike a note with me today and took me back to a memory from a few weeks ago.  A situation and conversation I had with my oldest son, Tony.

You know, normally I journal my own, personal journey - mostly for my own memory's sake.  But this morning - the Lord took me to my children.  Actually, my children centered around my prayers starting last night.  So, I guess this morning was just a continuation...and I guess my children needed me to cover them in prayer.  Maybe this was God's gentle nudging to my Mama's heart...

I continued to read the words quoted above and as I did, I was reminded of a conversation I had a few weeks ago.  My part of the conversation started out like this, "...your Mother is about to get un-churchy.  I'm about to say something to you that isn't churchlike so get ready."  And off I went, giving my advice that didn't sound churchy and was laced with a few choice cuss words.  

I don't regret it.

Sometimes, real conversations require harsh words to convey the rawness of your emotions at the time.  In this conversation with a struggling son, I had to use "words we don't use around our Bible friends."  And that's okay.  The situation warranted it.

If you read Psalm 40, you will see that David - one of the pillars our faith and a main character in our Bible - struggled with situations that were hurtful and hard...and human.

In verses 11 through 17, we see David hurting and crying out to God for help: 

"Hoping doesn’t mean we ignore reality. No; hoping means we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty.

Our hope can’t be tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. Our hope must be tied to the unchanging promise of God. We hope for the good we know God will ultimately bring from our situation, whether the good turns out to match our desires or not. And sometimes that takes a while. The process will most likely require us to be persevering. Patient. Maybe even longsuffering."

David praises God one minute, and in the next breath, he is crying out to Him for help and direction.  Now, I'm not saying that David used words like maybe you and I would, but he is certainly someone we can look to - that we know God loved deeply and yet, God still permitted him to sink to a low that was full of despair and hopelessness.  A point in his life where he just didn't have any answers or saw any hope.

Now, I'm not comparing David's life or death situation with my son's, but what I am saying is that in our human situations, we can cry out to God with our hurts and our questions.  We can pray and ask God to change the person we are struggling with, but ultimately, we must lay our struggles at the base of the Cross. And after we lay those questions at the Cross, we will need to circle back to having our hope tied to GOD and not the person or situation we are struggling with.  God gives us the promise of HOPE, not a person.

Laying your burdens at the Cross may or may not bring you the answer you desire, but that doesn't mean God isn't listening or even crafting out your valley to orchestrate a greater good and purpose.

I can't understand the decisions my son makes in regards to a person he is struggling with.  I can only give my advice and send him back out into the world.  I know only God can give him the hope and peace he needs and seeks.  Not the person he is struggling with.

I want the promised blessing of Psalm 40:4: “Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust.” I forget that this kind of trusting in God is often forged in the crucible of longsuffering. God isn’t picking on me. God is picking me to personally live out one of His promises.

It’s a high honor. But it doesn’t always feel that way. I’ve got to walk through the low places of the process before I’m perfectly equipped to live the promise."

We all want the promises and blessings of God.  But keep in mind, like it is written above - sometimes, you will have to go through hard times to receive God's blessings.  I pray that is the situation with my son - that these times of young adulthood he is struggling through will eventually make him a man of determination, character, and maturity in his 30s and 40s.

Youth is hard.

I wish I had, in my 20s, the same maturity and eyes of faith I do now.  Sometimes, God takes a long time in crafting us, and as Parents, it's hard to watch the young people in our lives struggle.  We can see the crafting and answers of God from the outside, but we can't do the crafting and answering ourselves.  Only God can do these things, and the timing we have for our children's lives may be vastly different than God's.

Psalm 40, verse 1 says, "I waited patiently for the Lord."  A few verses later, the Scripture reads, "He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock..."

My devotion this morning says that the word “set” in the original Hebrew is qum.  Qum means arise or take a stand.

So while we are waiting patiently (an ongoing and active state) for God to take us through our struggles and valleys, we read He will lift us up and out of our situation to SET us on the rock.

Did you read that like I did?  Let's read it one more time - set us on the rock.

He will set us on a rock.  He "drew me up" and "set my feet upon a rock."

Keep that in mind.  And I will too, as I continue to counsel, talk to, and pray for my son.  It is okay to be frustrated and not understand when people in our lives cause us grief or frustration - struggles.  God is taking you through this period to bring you to a greater place of answers and glory.

He is listening. So keep crying out to Him.  Keep pleading your case, asking your questions.  It's okay to talk to Him, argue with Him, and question Him.  Our patriarchal Fathers did in the Old Testament.  If they could do those things, then we can too.  Don't be afraid to plead your case before God and lay your life before the Cross.

Remember and commit to your heart - Psalm 40.  Our hope isn't tied to a person.  It is tied to a Holy God.  As David wrote, "He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock..."

We live through our "pit of destructions" for greater good.  We may never see the end result or even understand it, but Psalm 40 is still there - God will "set" your feet on the rock.  He has promised!

Hold fast my friends.  Pray for your loved ones.  Pray for your children.  Pray this Psalm over them and yourself.

Isn't it so wonderful that no matter how long we have been a Christian or how many times we have read the Bible, God can still take a single sentence of Scripture and make it new to us?

This is what I love about the Bible.  It is thousands of years old and yet, it still speaks to us today!

Do your homework this Thursday morning - Read Psalm 40.  It will change your life.

Please (Don't) Interrupt Me

 

Good morning friends, and Happy New Year's Day.

You know, I don't know why I even bother to read devotions.  Every day, it seems God speaks to me.  Harsh or unharsh.  Hidden or in plain site.

It doesn't matter how many days I "miss" (said in quotation marks because a day missed really equals God's perfect timing and plan), the day I sit down with a hot cup of coffee to read my daily message, it either relates to something I'm thinking/feeling/experiencing or it relates to something that just happened.

Take in case this morning's reading.  It's on - of all things - interruptions.

Let me share a little bit, as I always do in my writings...

Last night was New Year's Eve.  My brother and sister-in-law invited David and myself over to their home for dinner and to watch the football game.  If you know me, you know I pretty much have zero interest in college football games and zero interest in Georgia football.

I have a travel quote to do for a coworker, my dog hasn't been feeling well, I know fireworks are coming over our home (while I'm gone, if I go), and it's foggy and raining outside and I am warm inside under a blanket.

To "waste" any of my valuable time on a Georgia football game seems like a waste to me.  I'd rather stay home, with my dog, out of the weather, and watch the New Year's Eve countdowns I've been waiting to see (NOT a UGA football game).

But because it meant so much to both my boyfriend and my family, I made my side item, packed up my laptop, and headed over.  I was promised I didn't have to watch the game.  I could sit in the kitchen and create my travel proposal. So, I went.

Fast forward to game time.

Dinner is over, and everyone is getting settled on the couches in front of the big-screen TV.

I set up in the kitchen.  Laptop - check.  Phone with New Year's Eve celebration on - check.  

I start the usual travel agent research and find nothing that meets my potential client's requirements and requests.  I know I am going to have to dig deeper, but as that realization comes to me - everyone in the house starts stirring.  My heart sinks a little because I can already see in my head that my "plan" is unraveling...

Sure enough, a family member comes to the kitchen and starts a conversation.  Eventually (as Lysa says in her story below), I am hearing stories ranging from children to health issues.  After a while, I unplug my phone - turn off my New Year's Eve program - and shut the laptop.  I am growing salty.

I needed to get this travel quote started or done.  I wanted to watch my own New Year's Eve countdown shows and not a football game I had no interest in.  But the interruptions couldn't be ignored, and as tired and salty as I was on the inside, I didn't have the heart to turn away from the conversation or back inward to my own needs.  So, I sat and listened.  Tried my best to be interactive and make eye contact.

I'm pretty sure I failed at being what my family member needed last night, but I was just salty and focused on what I was not getting done or what I was missing.

Later that evening and as the night ended, I was quiet on the drive home.  "I'm just old and salty," I thought as David down us home through the fog, random fireworks, and darkness.

I got home, changed back into my comfy Christmas pajamas, and laid down on the couch under my warm blanket to watch a few minutes of some of the countdown shows I had missed but luckily recorded.

About that time, a high school friend starting messaging me.  Somewhere in that conversation, she said, "I stayed home.  I have no desire to engage in life tonight.  I just want solitude and don't want to be 'on'.  I don't feel funny or interesting this weekend. Why do I want to give up my valuable time to watch something I have ZERO interest in?  I am entertaining myself instead of feeling like I have to entertain OTHERS."

I felt validated.  I wasn't alone in my feelings.  Maybe we were both just old and salty...

We chatted for a few more minutes, and then, I signed off and said Good Night so I could go grab some sleep before daylight came.

Fast forward to this morning.

I woke up and thought I should send a text to my brother apologizing for my not being engaged last night.  I explained my mind was elsewhere, entangled in tasks I had to complete this weekend.

Sometimes, it is so hard being "interrupted" off the things we need to do, especially when those things are on a deadline or when the interrupting happens constantly, every day.  

But sometimes, those interruptions can be a gentle nudge from God.  I'm not 100% sure how to tell when those interruptions are from him.  Probably because I mostly have myself in the way of seeing clearly, but looking back to last night, I'm pretty sure that interruption (a.k.a., family conversation) was a nudge.

I can't go back and change last night, but I can read today's devotion and understand that sometimes, God needs us to be aware of others and not focused on the task list in front of us.

I'm trying - a little.  I'm listening - a little.  I'm growing - a little.  I have a long way to go.  I'm salty, and God is working on that.  I'd like to be a little less salty and a little bit more accomplished at getting tasks checked off the list, if I'm being honest.

I guess I'll keep trying.  I'm glad God put this reading in my path today.  Obviously, it was what I needed and right on time.

Maybe you need to read this too - are you feeling a little salty lately or are you feeling constantly interrupted?  If so, then maybe this word from Lysa is for you as well...

Please Interrupt Me

I wonder if the greatest witnessing tool available to us Christians is often pushed aside because of our busyness. Just like our stuff, our time is a resource with which we can be tightfisted or openhanded. But when Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan, he showed us what it means to put our own interests aside and spend our time on others, especially “others” not in our own circle,

The other day I was focused on all the items on my seemingly never-ending to-do list. I was sitting at a stoplight when a friend called and started lamenting that her son had forgotten his lunch and his belt required by the school’s uniform policy. She was stressed and trying to get in touch with her husband, who had just dropped her son off at school. She was at home with a new baby, feeling groggy from a sleepless night and overwhelmed by her situation.

As I sat at the stoplight listening to my friend, I looked at the store to my right. That store had belts. That store had lunch food. Could I help? Would I help? That day I wouldn’t let busyness take precedence over the blessing of divine interruptions. So I helped.

I don’t know this for sure, but I suspect my friend had been asking Jesus to please help her. It’s hard when you need help but feel like everyone is busy you don’t want to bother them.

I’m a task-oriented person, so it doesn’t come naturally for me to look for ways to be interrupted in the midst of my busyness. But sitting at that stoplight, I realized the power of pausing. Pausing just long enough for Jesus to tap on the edge of my heart and say, “Could you? Would you? Will you do this as if it’s the most important part of your day and not an unwelcome interruption?”

How many times have I missed loving my “neighbor”? How many times have I missed the joy of pausing to live and love and light the world for Jesus?

It's Not Impossible

 

This week, I had lunch with a college friend.  We then spent the afternoon together exploring her beautiful little city's Main Street.

I met Cheryl in college at probably 18 or 19 years old back in 1984.  We lived together for a brief (very brief) moment in time before each moving back home, getting married, and having children.

We now live an hour away from each other, but after reconnecting at friend's funeral recently, we made the conscious decision to stay in touch.

I love my friend.  She is kind.  She is gentle.  She is beautiful.  If I could morph into anyone, it would be Cheryl.

As Cheryl drove us around this week, we talked about our lives - our children in particular.  How our now older selves can look back on the younger versions of us and see (maybe) how naïve we were as Moms and maybe some things we would have and could have done differently.  Still, here we are today.  

Many of our children have chosen paths for themselves outside our belief system or are living in a way we feel could be improved upon.  STILL, they are our babies.  God gave them to us, and we love them with everything fierce inside us.

We realize God will take whatever decisions we have made in life and give us the path He wants for us.  The glorious thing about God is that He creates the people He loves with free will, something not everyone can grasp or understand.  God didn't create us to do everything perfectly.  If He had, he would have just created robots, not humans with feelings and emotions.

And that's why we love our babies and our families fiercely.  Because, just as God loves us so much, He also loves our family members with that same love.  No matter what they choose to believe or the path they chose to walk, God is silently there beside them.  Waiting.  Giving them opportunities to meet Him they aren't even aware of (yet).

So, today's devotion strikes me especially tender and at my heart's core because it talks about the things Cheryl and I rambled on about together (as girlfriends do) while sipping Black Bear coffee together (in that adorable little Main Street coffee shop, full of vintage floors, ceilings, and charm).

Pictures Courtesy of Coffee Camper FB page.

Today's devotion reflects on how God works.  We, as believers, just keep praying and walking and believing.  It's what we do, and eventually, God's love will work its way through to those in our paths.

I know we're not perfect.  I fail daily.

But I love this sweet story of two sisters.  It shows that even in our failures, God is there.  He is always there and waiting.

I hope you enjoy this devotion; it is a gentle reminder that God is good and hope is always there, even when we can't see it.

Thank you Cheryl for always being so kind and so sweet.  I wish I possessed a tenth of who you are.  I love you, and I will always love our time together.

"Praying for the Impossible

I sat beside my youngest sister and listened as she boldly rejected my views of God. She’s always been a free spirit, much too unconventional for traditional religion.

“Good thing I’m not into religion,” I gently replied.

She twisted her face and took exception, “But you are religious.”

I laid my head against the back of the lounge chair, closed my eyes to the sun now washing over me and simply replied, “Nope.”

When she asked me to clarify, I explained that I follow God, not a list of rules. I am passionate about getting into the Bible—God’s teachings—and I let my feelings and experiences be evaluated in light of God’s Word.

I took my sister’s hand and told her I’d be praying for God to mess with her in ways too bold for her to deny.

Fast-forward five years. My sister walked into her professor’s office and saw one of my books. And it messed with her.

She went home, poked around my blog and listened to my testimony. God’s Word messed with her so much that she let the possibility that God exists slip into her heart.

A few days later she went and had Jeremiah 29:11 tattooed on the back of her neck. And she called, wanting to talk to me about life, tattoos and God.

Then one day, I stood in the middle of the Atlanta airport praying for this precious girl. She called. She asked. That’s the miracle of our Jesus. He is the God of the impossible.

Let’s dare to ask God for the impossible a little more often."