Shadows and Light

 

I read this today in my morning devotional from Billy Graham:

Light and Shadow

All the masterpieces of art contain both light and shadow. A happy life is one filled not only with sunshine, but one which uses both light and shadow to produce beauty.

The greatest musicians, as a rule, are those who know how to bring song out of sadness.

Fanny Crosby, her spirit aglow with faith in Christ, saw more with her sightless eyes than most of us do with normal vision. She has given us some of the great gospel songs which cheer our hearts and lives.

In a rat-infested jail in Philippi, Paul and Silas sang their song of praise at midnight to the accompaniment of the jailer’s whip. But their patience in suffering and persecution led to the heathen warden’s conviction.

Daily Prayer:

Let my heart learn to sing when everything around me seems so dark. Give me Your grace to praise You, Lord Jesus."

Sometimes, life is just hard.

Single life is just hard.

When I was growing up, my Father used to say, "No matter what something costs, if you take care of it, it will last forever."  He was a strong man.  An Italian father in every sense of the word.

Large.  In control.  Expected perfection always.

While my brother didn't seem to be impressed by my father's tendencies, I - on the other hand - absorbed all of them.  I absorbed and was consumed by them until his last breath.

To this day, they still resonate (and cause problems) deep within me.

I take care of all my things.  My car has almost 300,000 miles on it, and I still wash and wax it regularly.  I fix it myself.  I attempted a paint job myself.  (It's not perfect and needs to be redone.)

My house is almost 25 years old.  It has rotten door frames, rotten wood on the roof, and needs a new fence.   I am working to secure financing and working two extra jobs to make these repairs.

At the same time, I am working a full-time job I love that doesn't get me home until almost 5pm.  I am attending college to earn my Bachelor's Degree.  And I am active in Christian Counseling, my local CR group, and my church's Women's Bible Study.

It is a lot.

I am tired.  And I am failing.

I've had two "breakdowns" the last two weekends.  I can't do it all myself, on the time and finances I have.  Yet, I keep going and the Lord has been more than faithful to me, my two boys, and my household.

Sometimes, it's just hard being single.

I've never been one of those girls whose main goal in life was to meet a man, get married, have kids, and stop working and depend on him for my livelihood.   I've always wanted my own dreams and aspirations and have worked hard to obtain them.

But it's hard being single.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a partner that comes alongside you to help?  Not as your leader per se, but as a true partner - allowing you to lean in when you need to.  One that speaks truth and love over you.  Prays for you and helps carry your burdens and also - well - the physical tasks that occur day to day.

I recently confided my breakdowns to a friend.  One I normally do not confide these deepest struggles with.  He left me a beautiful voicemail:

"Hello Debbie.

I knew you wouldn't be able to pick up the phone because you're at work.  But I wanted to call and tell you - I love you and I'm thinking about you; praying for you; and want to give you some bright sound first thing in the morning when you are able to listen to this voice mail.

You are a beautiful person.  You have a heart of gold.  I am so fortunate to have you as a friend and to be able to call you friend.  You mean so much to me.  I consider you a wonderful friend - one of my closest.

I love how you love my kids.  I love how you show them how much you care about them.  It means the world to me.  You are an incredible person.

I am honored to be your friend, and I am here for you any time - day or night.  It doesn't matter.  Please reach out to me at any time. You are always there for me, and I greatly appreciate that.  I love you.  Have a beautiful day." 

When I heard that message, my eyes filled with tears.  Such words of support and love.  What more could I ask for?  Words I desperately needed to hear this morning.

While I wouldn't ordinarily share personal conversations here, I use them to illustrate and circle back to Billy Graham's words above - "All the masterpieces of art contain both light and shadow. A happy life is one filled not only with sunshine, but one which uses both light and shadow to produce beauty.

I needed to read those words this morning. ALL MASTERPIECES CONTAIN BOTH LIGHT AND SHADOW.

When my life moments seem to be shadow upon shadow, God pulls back the curtain to show me His Word and that the people surrounding me love me and speak words of love and light over me.

I needed to be reassured this morning and last week. I needed to hear God's Word and words of affirmation from those I love. Sometimes, you just need a physical presence, a hug - words - phone calls, messages, whatever - to let you know you are not alone. You need your inner circle to not wait for you to ask for help but to reach out and speak words over you, pray for you, and say, "What can I help you with today? What can I physically take off your plate?"

Hey - disclaimer here - I am only speaking from my point of view. I am equally guilty of not doing the same or being there for those I love. These valleys and moments of darkness are also good reminders to us that we should be reaching out as well as wishing our loved ones would lean in.

I will end this post with the small and simple prayer Billy Graham wrapped up his message with:

"Let my heart learn to sing when everything around me seems so dark. Give me Your grace to praise You, Lord Jesus."

Amen and amen.

2 Tim 4:5, "But you - keep your head in all situations, endure hardship - do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."

Review: The Action Bible: Faith in Action Edition

 

Do you have young kids, tweens, or even teenagers at home who love comic books, adventure, or action stories?  If so, the new Action Bible: Faith in Action Edition is going to be the perfect addition to your home and family.

Presented in a colorful, comic-book format, this new Bible for young people is filled with all the familiar stories you love; all the adventure you remember; and most importantly, all the courageous men and women of faith God gives us as examples of how to live our lives!  It brings to life, perfectly, the stories of Scripture in an easy-to-read and understandable format.

Sometimes young people struggle with our adult Bibles.  Endless words, stories, and small print can make it hard to follow along.  This new colorful, picture Bible will allow them to learn Bible stories and characters in a new and fun way.

In a format similar to today's comics, the Publisher knows that presenting Bible stories in this format can draw readers into exciting, historic stories while helping them learn more about faith and ultimately Christ and their walk alongside Him.

The stories are presented on thick, glossy paper making the book more durable than a traditional Bible's thin paper pages and enabling it to withstand many hours of reading or sharing.  The stores are presented in chronological order to help young people better understand the story of God's love and redemption.

The Faith in Action Edition of the Bible is here to help kids engage, grow, and live in God's Word.  It is an amazing tool.

It includes over 200 devotionals, prayers, character stories, teaching videos, timelines, maps, and Bible facts.  All these bonus materials help young people continue to learn in different formats and in ways which speak to where they are currently walking. 

On top of these bonus materials, there is also an included QR code for digital resources!  I love that we now have a truly interactive Bible with respective study materials all in one place.

This is truly a product intended to draw your tweens and teens into God's Word.

I have loved sharing this Bible with my family and taking it to church for others to see.  It is amazing how many people don't realize these resources are available for our children.

I feel like the Faith in Action Edition of The Action Bible is going to be a wonderful bridge between preschool- and elementary-level picture Bibles and the adult Bibles most churches give away to members today.

It really helps them to see and visualize the stories God has passed down to us and to understand them in a way that maybe they can't quite grasp yet.

Visit the links below to find out more about this amazing resource:

• Official website
• Amazon

You can also visit the sites above to purchase your own copy today.

It is my prayer that, if you have kids at home who love comic books, adventure lore, or fantasy reading, you might consider this Bible as a great tool into helping them dig down deeper in their faith, in their knowledge of God's Word, and in their walk with Christ!

Disclaimer:  Many thanks to David C. Cook for providing a sample of the product for my review.  Opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation.

Gentleness - The Way We Speak Matters

 

The eighth fruit of the Spirit is gentleness.

To be honest, this is the one fruit I struggle with the most.

I did not sleep well last night.  Lots of worry, anxiety, thinking, and prayer.  I'm not a fan of these kind of nights.  Nights where I am wrestling with both myself and with God.

Actually, I'm not sure any of us are fans of anxiety, worry, or the lack of sleep they bring with them.

As I tossed and turned, I began a conversation with God.  I traveled over all the events of my life.  My marriage.  My divorce.  My next two relationships.  I began to let the Holy Spirit show me things, experience all the feelings, and lead me through the emotions and prayers.

I have always struggled with gentleness, and I come about this struggle honestly.

Both my Parents were traditional Italians.  While they were not abusive or mean, gentleness was not a character trait they possessed. But they, too, came about this honestly.

My maternal Grandmother was widowed at an early age with three young girls to take care of in the 1940s.  She went from being adored by a husband that loved her and a stay-at-home Mom to having to work full-time to survive and provide for her little family.  She became mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive to all three of her daughters, who then grew up with their own set of problems resulting from that abuse.

My paternal Grandparents were not abusive to their children, but they did rule their home and raise their children as most Italian families in those decades.  There were rules to be followed, and if you didn't follow those rules, you got a good dose of yelling and probably some physical "reminder" of why you should obey your parents.  Both my Grandmother and Grandfather had a lot of siblings (10 and 12, respectively), so their lives were always filled with aunts, uncles, cousins, and days full of food and fun.

Growing up, love was always present to my brother and I.  But still, neither one of our parents possessed a characteristic of gentleness.  If I had to pick, I guess my Mother was the more gentle of the two with her love of nature, gardening, and animals.  My Father was probably gentle somewhere deep down inside, but it was harder to find and pull out.

As each one aged, their personalities changed and we began to see the gentleness emerge.  It was incredibly moving to witness, and I am so glad this fruit of the Spirit was present in their lives before they passed away.  I like to believe it was always there.  Life just got in the way.

The longer I live, the more I grow to understand that my parents weren't the only people to struggle with gentleness. This eighth fruit of the Spirit seems to be one of the hardest fruit for us to grasp as humans.  It's only natural.  We were born with a sin nature, and we live in a fallen world.  Therefore, being kind and gentle will never come naturally to us.  Our inherent sin nature will always wage war against the gifts God bestows upon us as His children.

Of course, and this goes without saying, there will always be people out there who are inclined to produce gentleness more easily than others.  Don't compare yourselves to them, but remember, as you struggle with this eighth fruit of the Spirit, we are constantly at war against ourselves.  Gentleness may not come naturally to you, but it is still a fruit of the Spirit we can work on and cultivate daily.

Situations where we are under stress or where we might feel we are be being challenged or targeted or maybe even situations where we may have to make a difficult decision can cause our gentleness to quickly flee from us.

I'm sure we are all guilty of not being as gentle as we could have been.  And I'm equally as certain we have all been the recipient of someone not being gentle to us.

Not too long ago, I had the unpleasantness of standing in my church's parking lot one Sunday morning after church services, beside my car, for almost an hour while someone ran through their entire list of why I was not a good person, example by example.

I stood still - silent and listening - without reaction (trying my very best not to cry or respond with why I was not all those things on their list) - as they presented their proof.

I could see their anger.  I could feel their hurt.  It was palatable.  They wanted to invoke my reaction.  I refused to give it.  I stood still and silent, listening to them and silently praying for God to give me the words to relieve their hurt.

Sometimes, being gentle is hard when we have been hurt and are angry.  Sometimes, gentleness is simply remaining silent in a situation when a person just needs you to listen to their hurt.

Why don't we stop this morning, while we are reading this post, and take some time to pray about our lives?  Look deep into who we are, our past experiences and relationships, and ahead into the new futures God is blessing us with.

Maybe God will begin to reveal situations where you could have exerted more gentleness into a situation or to an individual.  Maybe He will open doors and opportunities for you to show gentleness in a future situation or to that person one more time.  Be open to what the Lord is showing you through this time of prayer and reflection.

When we study all nine fruits of the Spirit, we understand where we are lacking (what areas need more care and cultivation) and we begin give ourselves the grace to forgive ourselves and others for past mistakes.

We begin to learn what God desires from us daily.  We grow in wisdom, bravery, and courage as we forge into our new lives and futures.  One that Jesus promises to travel with us.

What is Jesus asking you to do today?

Who do you need to forgive for their ungentleness toward you?

Who needs to accept your forgiveness for your ungentleness toward them?

Let's take time today to pray about gentleness, the eighth fruit of the Spirit.  It's one of the hardest fruits to produce, but as new creations in Christ, we can do it...and the rewards reaped in both our lives and in others' lives will be far-reaching and amazing!

Until next time,

Faithfulness

 

The seventh fruit of the Spirit is faithfulness.

This is something I have been struggling with forever.  Both for myself and toward others, meaning I sometimes find it hard or difficult to be "faithful" to others but I also struggle with others being faithful to me and why that can be difficult.

Yesterday, someone slipped and told me my previous boyfriend came to church the weekend I was out of town. (There is a back story to this, but I will digress on that part.)

I realized while praying this morning that my immediate and first reaction was HOPE.  My mind had wondered to questions like, "Why was he there?" "What did my brother and sister-in-law say to him?" "Did he ask about me?" "Maybe there is some HOPE left."

And then I silently said, "God, my hope is not in man.  It is in you.  You are the ANCHOR I hold on to, not man.  If I am being honest God, my immediate and first thought was HOPE when I heard this information and that was wrong of me, but you already know my innermost thoughts and feelings, so you already knew what I felt and thought.  I will keep going forward as I have been directed and keep my eyes focused on you."

This morning, I poured my first cup of joe and then sat down to read today's devotion.  It was a late morning because I was out late last night.  I don't normally venture out much anymore, especially not late at night to concerts or out of my bubble zones.  But a close family friend had invited me to join his family on an outing and fun adventure to a little music club to see his brother - a famous (unbeknownst to me) folk singer - perform.  It was wonderful, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with his family and visiting a new town, a new venue, and a new performer.

As I sat down to read, the study was on faithfulness.  I haven't felt much lately during my readings, and I haven't felt the Lord pushing or calling me to write.  Honestly, I have been struggling a little bit and have felt broken and lost.  (As a side note:  I am so thankful to be back with my wonderful Christian Counselor who each week gently guides me back to the center line and keeps me focused - "You are not broken or lost.  You are 100% completely normal in your grieving.  Everyone goes through this.")

So reading about faithfulness was good this morning, as I sipped the hot coffee from my new Krusty Krab mug.

I had been struggling with faithfulness, as my last partner (as you may have read here before) has huge issues with this fruit and his struggle has hugely impacted my own life the last four months.  Faithfulness is not something my circle of family and friends normally struggles with.

Coming from a big Italian family, faithfulness was never something in doubt or question.  We may have fought, but we were fiercely faithful to each other - even through times of loneliness, anger, or even unhappiness.  You worked through those emotions and came back together stronger.  Fleeing has never been an option for us.

Same holds true with my inner circle of friends.  We may ebb and flow and move in and out of crossing paths, but we always remain faithful to each other, coming back together to support and love each other through the hard times, the difficult times, or even disagreements we might have with each other.

Today's devotion verse, Hebrews 10:23 says, "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

That hit me deep and hard.

Let us hold fast.  Hold fast.  Cling to.  The confession of our HOPE without wavering.  For HE who promised is faithful.

When we cling to something, or hold fast, we are anchoring on something - like a belief or a principle.  Something so deep down in our soul, we can't be pried from it.

It's not hope in a person like I briefly held onto yesterday.  It's something so much more.  Something more profound and real.  Something deep down in our soul.

When our HOPE is in Jesus, we are secure.  Something that worldly hope cannot provide.  Hope in man will fail you, eventually at some point.  HOPE in Jesus does not waver because He has promised us He would be faithful.

God's faithfulness - and this seventh fruit of the Spirit - is seen throughout Scripture.  We can read examples of it in story after story.  We can look at our own lives and see where the fruit has been produced within us and for us.  God is faithful.  He will never leave you or forsake you.

My walk with Jesus the past four months has been life changing.  Through the heartbreak of unfaithfulness, I have been anchored to - held fast to - my HOPE, a Savior that has unending faithfulness to me and that produces fruit in my life.

And I know He will always be faithful because Scripture says He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Today - this morning - is a great time to place your faith in Jesus.  He is our anchor that we hold fast to.  He will never leave you, so there is no fear in trusting Him or relaxing in your relationship with Him.  There is no fear of hurting His feelings or you not being enough for Him or even you being responsible for filling up his emotional love tank.

He is the same for us today as He was yesterday, and He will be the same for us tomorrow as He is today.

Go ahead and put your trust and faith in Jesus.  Biblical HOPE is so much greater and more powerful than worldly "hope."  Give Jesus your heart and your life.  I promise you will never look back or be the same again.

Let's end today's writing with these exact words put into a beautiful, blessed song from the very gifted singer and songwriter Cody Carnes:

2 Tim 1:7

 

I am veering off patience this morning to share a Christine Caine post.  I am sharing this for someone specific who needs to hear it.

This has been a hard morning, following a hard night.

Last night at 11:30 pm, my son left to head back home to Missouri and the USAF.

Josh had not been home in almost two years, and this visit - although a short five days - was better than any of us could have imagined.

Josh has grown and matured and is a natural talker (much like his Father).  My heart broke (as I knew it would) when I walked back into a quiet and empty house.

There are seven more days left of Winter Break.  I will need to fill them with activities, home projects, and more to help keep my Spirit and countenance full.

I knew that Josh's leaving on top of my feelings for David would be a hard combination to work through.  Two pieces of my heart missing. And so, I wasn't surprised when my body would wake up at 4:30 and then 6:30 and then again at 7:30.  I am drained and tired.

I need to get back to walking, yoga, and so much more.

I wasn't surprised when I tried to pray and talk to God and I kept falling asleep.  I wasn't surprised when I finally broke down and gave in to the tears at 8:30, kneeling by the couch to pray and cry out to God - for myself, for my boys, and for David.

So many feelings.  So many people needing intercession and prayer.  Protection and guidance...

Finally wiping the tears away and pouring the day's first cup of coffee, I opened up my Christine Caine book and read what I am going to share below.

I needed to read this.  God needed to speak to my SOUL.  But also - while reading it, all it kept bringing to mind was David.

I pray that although David has blocked me everywhere, he still remembers this blog and comes to read it from time to time.  This post is for him.  This Bible verse is for him.

The devotion below may be for you as well if you are reading this and struggling today.  I'm not sure who else God may be using this writing for...

I know who I am posting it for and who was brought to mind over and over again as I read.  Yes, some of it was applicable to myself - but my prayer is that David stumbles upon this post at some point in his life and it touches his heart and Spirit as it did mine.

God has a process and a plan in place.  We can't always see it until we have passed it and reached our destination.  I don't know where I'm traveling to today.  I'm just praying I make it through the hours of the day.  As one of my prayer partners told me yesterday, "Debbie, you are going to live whether you want to or not! You will get through this and come out on the other side even better than before!  Embrace this time with the Lord."  Amen.

2 Timothy 1:7

God has not given you a Spirit of FEAR, but one of POWER, LOVE, and SOUND JUDGMENT.

When the Covid-19 pandemic first started, I remember going to the store one day and being shocked at the empty shelves. I remember overhearing conversations as I waited in the long line at the checkout. While some people had much to say and others very little, what couldn't be missed was the fear in their voices.

On my drive home, I couldn't help but think about it, and when I did, that, same spirit of fear began to invade my mind. I thought of my girls and how all this could affect them. They'd already been sent home from school to learn online. They'd already been separated from their friends and routines. We were all adapting to a whole new way of life minute by minute.

As I pulled into the driveway, deep down, I knew I couldn't go in the house in such a state. I had to stop and rein it all in. For Nick. For the girls. For my own piece of mine. So, doing what I had done a thousand times before, I put my hand to my forehead, and I started talking too myself: "Christine, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of LOVE, POWER, and a SOUND MIND. You might not understand what is happening, but the one thing you know is that God has never failed you before, and he is not about to start now, so you know you can trust him now."

I understand you might think this is a strange ritual, but it is a practice I have developed over the years. When I have a decision to make. When I need answers in a tough situation. When my thoughts begin to spiral, my heart starts to race, and my palms go damp. When everything feels out of my control, and fear wants to take complete control. When I need to endure in faith.

In every battle we face, are fiercest enemy is fear, and the devil knows it. That's why he's always ready to foster it and reinforce it. If we don't learn how to overcome its power, then it can defeat us every time. It can even develop into chronic conditions that manifest in our bodies and minds, such as anxiety, panic attacks, incessant worry, or sleepless nights. If you have ever suffered from any of fear's debilitating effects, you know that the symptoms are very real.

But God has not given us a spirit of fear. He has given us POWER, LOVE, and SOUND JUDGMENT. The Bible translation I first memorized calls it a sound mind, which is why I quoted it that way to myself. I do my best to use God's Word to defeat fear where the battle always begins - in my mind.

What about you? Have you learned to fight the battle in your mind and for your mind? Have you learned to wield God's Word against the fear that tries to take over? Today's verse is a strong declaration to remind yourself that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND.

Heavenly Father, thank you that you have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Help me remember this and keep trusting in You more in Jesus name, Amen.

*The above is quoted from Christine Caine's newest devotion book, You're Not Finished Yet.  Below is my Amazon Associate link, if you would like to order.  I love reading Christine Caine.  She is always right on time, Biblically-centered and accurate, and a great inspiration to all of our Spiritual walks and growth.

Switching Your Prayer Life from ASAP to ALAT

 

Good Sunday morning.

It is the Lord's day, and wow - I've been waiting for this day to get here.  I love Sundays.

I love going to church and seeing familiar faces.  Friends and family.  I love seeing who the Lord has moved and motivated to attend service that week.  I love our Pastor Brian.  I love our worship leader Trace.  I love everything about our small, but quickly growing, church.

This is the first time since I asked Jesus into my heart, on July 2, 1989, that I have had family in church with me.  What a blessing!  I never, in 10,000 years, thought this would happen.

You see, I was born and raised in a big, Italian family.  EVERYONE was Catholic.  That's just how it was (and largely still is).  I was the first one, as my paternal Grandmother said to me one day, "...to leave the church." 

It was a big deal to her when I started attending Rehoboth Baptist Church with several of my friends in the 1980s.  At that time, I was going through a rough time in life.  I lived with my Mom, was dating a boy I loved, and was not living a lifestyle I should have been.

My boyfriend was struggling with finding (or getting or keeping) a job and was on the outs with his Dad.  My Mom had graciously said he could move in with us - in my room.  (Yes, "with" us.) When Pete and I broke up, it was devastating.

I called my best friend, who was attending Rehoboth at the time, and asked if I could go to church with her that following Sunday.  (Because I knew, even at that unsaved point in my life, only one thing could save me.)

She was so excited, and she immediately shouted, "Yes!" over the phone.

My girlfriend had been raised in a Christian home by two extremely loving and Christian parents, but she also was not walking or living a Christian lifestyle.  She may not have been walking with the Lord at the time, but she KNEW Christ and was working her way back into church.

How was I supposed to know that making that one phone call would forver change my life?

I attended Rehoboth on a Sunday morning and was immediately welcomed, immersed in, and falling in love with their large and loving culture.  I did not go off to college, so to me - I always felt like the Rehoboth years and the large community of young adults it contained were my "college years."

It was a HUGE church at the time, one of the two biggest in the Atlanta area.  It had a large Singles group.  So big, it was broken down into age groups.

I jumped right in.  I loved it. We were at church Tuesday nights (for visitation), Wednesday nights (for supper and Bible study), Friday and Saturday nights (not "at" church, but for fun outings with the Singles group), and of course, twice on Sundays (morning worship service and laid back Sunday night church for more teachings).

I think I learned more in those 20 years at Rehoboth than I have at any other time in my life.  At Rehoboth, we were so lucky and blessed to sit under lead Pastor Dr. Richard Lee.  Because Dr. Lee was very well connected and known in the religious community, he was able to bring in many gifted and knowledgeable teachers - special guest preachers that came periodically, as well as hired staff members.  We were surrounded by some of God's wisest men and women.  It was a tremendous time to be in church!

Dr. Ed Hinson was on our staff for many years.  I remember looking at one of my (now) prayer partners one Sunday night when he was going to preach and saying, "We are so lucky to have Dr. Hinson on staff."  We knew what we had in our grasp, and we always knew he wouldn't stay with us long.  God had greater and bigger plans for Dr. Hinson.

Of course, in the end (and as we suspected), Dr. Hinson didn't stay very long.  Liberty University came calling, and Dr. Hinson was quickly snapped up by Dr. Farwell.  God had much bigger plans for Dr. Hinson. (If you want to see an amazing Celebration of Life, Google Dr. Hinson's funeral service.  What an amazing life this man led!)

Those were the golden years of church for me.  I met my ex-husband there.  My children were dedicated there.  And my deepest inner circle of friends were founded there.

But - my family never accepted my time there or my switch from Catholicism to Protestant.  My Mom was always good, and she even hosted our Singles group at her home one time.

But my paternal Grandmother was furious and always let it be known.  ("If you love that church so much, I'm going to leave all your inheritance to it!") Of course she didn't, but that was her attempt to get me to leave.

My Father once told me I was in a cult.  Of course, he couldn't get out of Philadelphia and the Catholic church fast enough once he was married and living his own life - and rarely attended or took our family.  He didn't even really know what a cult was...

So for me to NOW have family attending church with me is a huge blessing.  It may have taken 30+ years, but every Sunday, I count my blessings my brother and his family attend the same church.

I love Sundays.  Family, friends, faith.  (I think I may need a t-shirt that says that...)

I want to apologize and make up for yesterday's post.  This blog is not very popular I know, and it really does not reach many people; therefore, I tend to use it as a (superficial) journal.

Yesterday was hard.  But I knew it would be.  In this busy season of celebrating Jesus' birth, yesterday was going to be the lone day I had this week to start decorating for Christmas.  

I prayed ahead of time for Saturday.  I knew it would be hard, so I wanted the Lord to prepare and protect me from Satan's attempts at taking me down.

My normal "hard" hours are somewhere between Noon and early evening.  The mornings are fairly easy, as are the nights (although, lying down to bed always makes me slightly weepy, as I ask God each night for the same thing -- "Good night David Michael ***.  I love you, and I miss you.  God, you know where David is right this moment.  You know what he is doing.  You know his innermost thoughts.  Please watch over him, let him know I love him, and bring healing to his heart.").

As the afternoon grew closer, and I knew I had to start decorating for Christmas, I could feel the sadness creeping in.  As I told my brother last night, "The 'at-home' days are the hardest because that is when I miss David the most."

People can give you advice and peer into your relationships from the outside, but only the people in the relationships know what happened and what emotions and tender moments existed between you.

For me, the "at-home" days are the hardest because everywhere I look, I see David.  The projects he did, transforming a house into a home.  Decorating for Christmas each year together.  Rainy days spent on the couches watching tv or cuddling with furry family members together.  So many memories of just being in a home I thought we were going to live in, create one life in together, and from which we would serve our families and God together.

Even when (looking back) I think of the hard times - times when we weren't kind to each other or might have felt alone or separate, I still felt like one with him.  It never crossed my mind we might reach a point of becoming two.

And for those reasons, the at-home days are just the hardest.  Because memories of love and commitment resonate within these walls.

I read something this morning that touched me.  It said, "Staying power means we fully believe God planted a seed in our heart, and we aren’t going to give up until we see what it grows into. In his book Draw the Circle, Mark Batterson says, “Too often we pray ASAP prayers — as soon as possible. We need to start praying ALAT prayers — as long as it takes.”

I've been on my knees a lot these past nine weeks.  And, to be honest, my prayers are a huge mixture of ASAP and ALAT.  I do argue with God, but I am also cognizant of who He is and staying within His will.  

I guess just reading ALAT out loud seemed to impress the idea upon me a little bit more though.

This morning's reading went on to say: "...pray[ing] ALAT prayers flips the script in our culture obsessed with instant gratification. It provides an empowering stance as we take an active and prayerful posture in our waiting journey."

I love that.  Waiting is not a passive activity.  God asks for it to be active.

"The Hebrew word that Isaiah uses for 'wait' is Qavah. It means 'to wait, look for, hope, or expect.' This doesn’t sound like an idle position. It is waiting on the Lord that brings renewed strength. This Qavah means we wait for Him, look for Him, hope in Him, and expect His goodness."

Who knew waiting could be an active activity?

"Establishing our focus and fulfillment in Him, rather than an outcome or a timeline, is what mounts us up with wings like eagles. When we fix the eyes of our soul on our Creator, we run without growing weary, walk without growing faint. This is training ground for our soul. When we make this shift, waiting no longer becomes necessary drudgery; it becomes a lifestyle of confident expectation in Him."

So, I have to apologize to myself and anyone that read yesterday's post.  I am not always (or much) negative, but yesterday was just hard.  I am thankful for a God that pulls us through the negative and hard times to give us a new day with a new dawn.  A new positive view, and another Sunday to gather together and worship.

I have no idea what the OUTCOME will be to my season of waiting.  I pray every day that God will press upon David to kneel at a family altar, ask God for forgiveness for his sins, and then ask Jesus into his heart.  I pray there is a day I can witness David being baptized.

I pray every day that eyes will be open to current situations that are going to require divine intervention, love, and support.  I pray for hearts to open and understanding to be granted.  I pray for a family's healing.  A family's salvation.  I pray that with the invitation and acceptance of Jesus into people's hearts and homes that grace can be extended and forgiveness granted, not withheld.

I pray that love spreads and grows.  Because that's what Jesus does.

Today is going to be a better day.  Christmas decorations are on their way, and of course, it is Sunday.  So - what more can a girl ask for?

Just remember this - we are going to have valley days.  Days when we are missing the people we love so tremendously that our Spirit grieves with us.  Days when the memories are just going to be too much and will overwhelm you.

But - then the dawn of a new day will come.  God may feel a million miles away at times, but Scripture tells us He is not.  He is always close, always near.

Stay strong; do not falter.  No matter how sad or broken you may feel in a day.  God is not a god of sadness or despair.  He is in the business of change, healing, hope, and rebirth!

"Lord, give me staying power. When I feel like I want to run back to what’s comfortable and familiar, give me the strength I need so that I can remain in your plan. Help me to look for and expect your goodness and my transformation as I seek you. Amen"

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

 

Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, & my burden is light."

It's a dreary, cold, & rainy Saturday morning today.

I've already been to the park to walk/run my miles, and I've made breakfast and watched a Christmas movie.

My agenda today is to start decorating for Christmas.  But honestly, I have no desire to do it.  Lately, my heart has been sad, and I'm just not into it yet this year. I feel like the joy has been sucked out of my life for a season.

My prayer partners and inner circle of best girlfriends and family know I am in a season of waiting. And to be honest and transparent here, it sucks - for so many reasons.

Have you ever been here?  It could be for anything.  Health diagnoses, relationship issues, or work-related situations.  It's not a fun place to be.

One day, you are learning and growing and the next minute or even the next day, you could be right back to being broken and wondering why God isn't changing things.

I read this prayer today, and it really touched my heart:

"Father, you are gentle and humble in heart, and you invite me to come to you when I’m weary and burdened. You lead me to a better way. Make me more like you. Open up my eyes to the beauty in this journey of waiting, help me to draw closer to you, and to become more patient. Help me to learn how to rest, wait, listen, and renew. Amen."

I love that - Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.  Interesting series of actions.

The prayer above says "help me...to become more patient..." I've never personally prayed for patience.  In church, we've always been taught to not pray for patience because the Lord will readily oblige and teach you!  Ha! But, I guess, within our seasons of waiting, patience is something that is absolutely necessary.

Over the last two months, I have been sitting through a period of "time and space." I have had my two prayer partners pray over me in written messages as well as over the phone.  The prayers have been beautiful and well-spoken.  They have covered me with love and God's Words. Both men have shared their personal testimonies with me, as well as given good sound and Godly advice.

I have been blessed with these two prayer partners, and I am so grateful God has given them to me.

Along with receiving Godly prayer partners during my season of "time and space," God has also opened a few beautiful doors for me within my house of worship - new serving opportunities; new groups to join for fellowship and learning God's Word; and a renewed love of attending church, worshipping, and learning.

But if you've been through a season of waiting, you know that God's blessings still do not make your period of "rest, wait, listen, and renew" a piece of cake or easier.

It's always hard during these seasons - feelings and thoughts of what your heart wants, asking God where He is and why He isn't showing up, and having Him remain silent on the other end - all struggles mixed in with the blessings He presents us with during this time.

I suppose it is in times of waiting we should strive to become more like Peter.  Remember when Peter tried to walk across the raging waves and sea to meet Jesus out on the water?  He was safe and stayed afloat when his eyes remained on Jesus, but the second he turned away from Jesus, he began to sink.

I think that's what most of us feel like during our seasons of waiting, especially on those days (like today) that are "empty" of any errands or appointments.  I always tend to think on these days, "Well, Jesus.  Here I am.  I've got plenty of time today to work on this thing.  Are you going to open a door or not?"

Lordy.  I'm sure Jesus must get a laugh out of our thought processes, questions, and "little demands."

We are taking our eyes off the PROCESS and Jesus and turning our gaze to the OUTCOME or problem at hand.  And that's when, like Peter, we start to sink.

My prayers remain the same each day.  I pray for change.  I pray for my loved ones.  I pray for protection.  I pray for release.  I thank Jesus for my salvation, forgiving me for my sins, and for creating new life in me.

As a matter of fact, as I was discussing prayer life with one of my prayer partners a few nights ago, we talked about how there is no magic formula for praying.  No special combination of words or actions that automatically prompt Jesus to answer our prayers.

We can pray for God's Will to be done.  We can pray for demonic forces to release those we love.  We can pray for protection over those we love. We can pray for release.  We can pray for doors to open.  We can pray for help and healing in certain situations, but - there will never be any special combination of words or actions that God magically responds to.

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

Write those words down and remember them. Those are the periods of "fire" we have to walk through.  It may take days...or weeks...or as in my prayer partner's situation, years.

But in the end, God will renew us.

It will be His Will and His way, and we will continue to embrace the PROCESS instead of taking our eyes off Him to focus on the outcome we desire.

Trust me, Jesus knows ALL our thoughts and prayers, and He will still do what is best for us, regardless.

I'll sum up today's post with this...

Christian Pastor, speaker, & author John Ortberg says, “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.”

So in the heartbreak of your "time and space" seasons of life, remember this:  REST - WAIT - LISTEN - RENEW - "Waiting is the part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be."

"Father God, I lift up this season of "time and space" and give it to you.  You have heard my prayers.  You know my heart.  I pray that you help me to remember to embrace your PROCESS and not focus on the OUTCOME I desire.  I know what you offer and give to us is what will be the very best for us, even if we can't always see it.

I pray we keep our gaze on you and not what other people think or do to us.  That you bless us and open beautiful doors in our seasons of waiting.  I will trust you to keep instilling wisdom and peace into my heart when evil wants to keep hurt there instead.  It's a hard, long process, and we can't always see or feel you.  We may sometimes wonder where you are and why you aren't answering us, but FAITH says you are always near and always listening.  May we remember these words you teach us and KNOW you will bring us through our seasons.  Amen."

Seasons of WAITING

 

It's been a minute since the Lord has asked me to write anything.

I guess being in a season of waiting means...you WAIT.

I read a devotion this morning that just hit me.  When I woke up this morning, after an incredible night of sleep (finally) filled with God's presence and PEACE, I said, "Well, I am not writing this morning.  I can just read, shower, and be on time for church."

I guess you should never "assume" you know what the day is going to hold for you because God led me to read something that I felt was profound and wanted to share.

Being in a season of waiting - also means being in a season of TRUST.  I've never been good at waiting.  Everyone knows I am a "triple-A+" personality.  I am a fixer, a multi-tasker, and a leader (to a small extent).  I'm not good at waiting.  I'm more of the mindset, "What is taking so long?  Just make a decision and let's go!"

Well, you know how that usually works out.

If God wants you to WAIT, well then - you wait. This morning's reading was based on the story of Sarah and Abraham.  Yes.  We have all heard and read their story a million times, but when you put it in the context of a study on waiting, well then - it sort of tweaks the story and gives you new perspective.

Instead of me reinventing the wheel, let me share some of today's reading with you:

And I wondered if that’s how Abraham’s wife, Sarah felt when she heard she would have a baby at ninety years old. The three prophetic visitors in Genesis said Abraham’s wife would have a baby in a year. Sarah, listening from inside the tent, laughed to herself. “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” (Genesis 18:12)

I can relate to facing what seemed like an impossible situation. But I came to the end of all my efforts and natural solutions and striving, and it felt good to put it in God’s hands completely. Elisabeth Elliot writes, “God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.”

We often think of surrender like waving a white flag in battle. But my day of surrendering to God felt more like standing in the kitchen with a burnt cake in my hands, laughing because I messed the whole thing up. Then suddenly, I remember that God is an expert in turning messes into miracles, and I let out a little laugh.

Sarah laughed because she knew she couldn’t make it happen herself. The promise from God was too big, too far-fetched for a woman who was 90 years old.

And yet, despite the obstacles, God fulfilled His promise, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac.

It would be great if Sarah paved a road for us all to follow, a road of faith and optimism and kindness and trust. Wouldn’t it be great if she gave us the formula to follow for our waiting season? I can see it in the headlines: “Faith-Filled Woman Gives Birth in Her Nineties.” We’d all lean in for that kind of faith. Give us the formula—only there isn’t one.

The truth is, Sarah wasn’t all that full of faith. She didn’t play all her cards right. It seems to me, the action she took only made things messier than they needed to be (I’m guilty of the same thing). Yet, God still fulfilled what He promised.

If everyone got exactly what they wanted through trust and surrender, we’d rejoice because we finally nailed the formula. Surrender isn’t because God needs something from us but because He wants something for us—the peace that comes from trusting in Him alone. Surrender and trust enable us to accept the outcome, even if it looks different than we thought it would. A posture of surrender—even laughable surrender—recognizes that we’ve come to the end of our striving and natural solutions and we put our trust in Him no matter what. We don’t need to know what God is up to or how He’s going to work it out, we only need to know that He is a good God with our best interest in mind. And, as it turns out, impossible situations are His specialty.

I love that.  Obviously Sarah didn't have the formula for waiting and trust nailed down either.  She didn't play all her cards right - she took action on her own (outside of what God said) and made things messier - and yes, like our writer above, we have all done the same thing.

Waiting = SURRENDER.  I like the word SURRENDER so much better!  I can definitely SURRENDER to God.  Waiting is HARD.  Too hard for this triple-A+ girl.

SURRENDER means God has something for me, and when I SURRENDER to Him, I can find the PEACE I experienced last night while sleeping (yes, it's a physical feeling you feel that surpasses anything you have ever encountered - and that's why they call it "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding"). 

We put our trust in God no matter what.  No matter what untruths are being told about us.  No matter what fight or (as in my situation) flights are taking place within our situation.  No matter what.  "We don't need to know what God is up to or how He is going to work it out."

We only have to know that He is GOD, and He always has our best interests in mind.  God is in the business of CHANGE - changing people, changing situations, and changing hearts.

I love this quote above from Elisabeth Elliot, "God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to."

Wow.  Succinct and to the point.  God is God.  Rest nowhere but in His will.

If you are in a period of waiting today, like me - there are several things you can do to help yourself make it through this time of SURRENDER:

• Pray - Talk openly and honestly to God every time you have a chance.  Cry if you need to; yell if you need to; sleep if you need to - but keep talking it through with God.  It may feel as if your prayers are only hitting the ceiling, but you can REST in the FACT that they are being presented at the throne of God in Heaven.  It is Biblical!

• Journal - Keep a small notebook and pen by your bedside.  God will speak.  Let the words pour out of you.  Put all your deepest thoughts in there that may come when you wake up in the morning or when you are about to lie down to sleep at night.  Get the gunk OUT.

• Talk - Surround yourself with GODLY people.  Your friends, family, or even your Parents might all love and support you - but if they are not strong Christians daily walking with the Lord, you may get ONLY support - not God's wisdom pouring out from them to you.  It is easy to nest and snuggle up to the people we are closest to in times of waiting, but if you are receiving opinions and support from those within your circle who are either not Christians at all or are Christians "in name only," you are not getting God's wisdom.  This is a hard one I know, but look closely at your inner circle.  Who is opening their Bible and reading daily?  Who are the ones on their knees praying daily?  Who is listening to Christian music?  These are all outward "helps" to see who is really walking closely with the Lord.  (Disclaimer:  Not all strong Christians have labels on them saying, "I walk close to the Lord," so be wise in making decisions.  But you should be able to easily discern who will give you good, Godly advice rather than just advice based on their love for you.)

• Seek Godly Counsel - Goes a little bit hand-in-hand with Talk above, but you may need to seek Christian counseling or find an older (and wiser) Christian mentor.  Someone who is not a family member, friend, or Parent that can give objective viewpoints and Scripture to help you through your time of waiting.

Let's wrap up this morning's post with this lovely prayer I read.  It just hits home for me, and it is my prayer daily.  I hope it will be comforting to you as well.

I pray all of you have a wonderful Sunday in your house of worship and continue to grow closer to Jesus each day:

"Father, forgive me for lacking trust in you. Forgive me for trusting too much in myself, my capabilities, my circumstances, or others. Help my full trust to reside in you. I surrender my doubt, my fear, and my confusion. I don’t know where this path leads, but I want to trust you every step of the way. Thank you for a new level of trust in you. Amen."

Listening

 

This morning was interesting. 

Before my feet even hit the floor, I was in prayer.  No revelations or epiphany this morning.  Just good, 'ole-fashioned prayer with the Lord.

I picked up my phone and went through a few old conversations, digging deep and going way back.

What I came away with was something gleaned.  Divine interference?  Maybe.  I really don't know.

I felt something stirring inside of me.  My heart seemed touched.  The question looming in my head was, "What can I do for you?"  And then, I thought - maybe God is trying to tell me something.

My brother told me this morning, after I shared my morning prayer time with him, that we, as Italians, have a common trait we need to be constantly working on.  We talk.  In fact, we probably talk too much, to our detriment.  We need to be listening more.  

I think that while I have always been listening, maybe my heart was not in the right place or where it needed to be during past conversations. Several questions flooded to my heart this morning while I prayed and read those old conversations.

"How can I do better for you?" "What do you need from me?"  "What can I do to help you?"

As I listened and read, I saw that my responses in the conversations were plentiful and long.  But the person's responses with whom I was in conversation with were short and often shared what they needed from me or what was missing.  

I thought I had been listening, but it looked like I was stampeding over my conversation partner.  My high emotions at the time had not yielded to the heart of the other person.  What I was accusing the other person of, I seemed to be guilty of as well.

My heart sunk as I scrolled through the old conversations.  So much could have been derailed if I had just actually answered those thoughts and feelings.  If I had just said, "I'm sorry. What can I do for you?" or "I'm sorry.  What do you need from me?"

Fast forward several hours and a conversation with my brother later.  Dog and cats fed.  Coffee brewed.  Opened up today's reading - from Billy Graham - and this is what I found waiting for me.  How does God always know what is coming down the line and prepares us and our hearts for it?

"The blind man, Bartimaeus, threw off his cloak and ran trembling to Jesus. 

And Jesus said, “What do you want me to do for you?” 

He said, “Lord, that I may receive my sight.” 

In that moment as he said, “Lord,” his spiritual eyes were opened. And Jesus said, “Your faith has made you whole.” 

Notice—not your intellectual understanding, not your money, not your works—but your faith. Faith! That’s all it takes! 

Immediately Bartimaeus, who had been blind all of his life, began to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was the face of Jesus. What an experience—to open one’s eyes and look straight into the strong, tender face of Jesus! 

Bartimaeus met Jesus, and the record says he “followed Jesus in the way.” When you go back to your business, or your home, or your neighborhood, or your friends, or your school, you don’t go alone. Christ goes with you.

Did you catch that?  Jesus said, "What do you want me to do for you?"

Maybe I did have a divine appt. and epiphany this morning after all!  God had been preparing and calling my heart to a new place before I even opened up Scripture.

He softly said, "Debbie.  I need you to stop talking and start listening. You are missing things."  Suddenly, my heart flooded with new emotion.  I had been missing this key part of living and relationships (I think) my entire life. It felt like a blurred view had suddenly come into focus.

To be honest, I've been praying a long time for change like this to come into my heart - I mean months, if not years.  I wasn't born with a "sweet" gene, and I've always been envious of those that had it.  What a wonderful feeling to finally "get it" and understand true empathy and love for others.

As I laid in bed praying and reading those conversations, things suddenly became clear.  I recalled conversations with our Principal at school, often talking to our staff about meeting students where they are.  Asking questions like, "What do you need from me?" and "What can I do to help you?"

I could hear his talks ringing in my head. Everything was clicking.

Then I heard that familiar still, small voice say, "Debbie. Now, I want you to extend an olive branch this morning."

Wait, what? You want me to act on this right now?  I thought we were just going to let me apply this to all future situations...You're kidding, right?

He continued, "Here's what I want you to do and it may not end like you want it to, but I want you to be brave, have courage, and reach out this morning.  I want you to tell someone that you hear them.  That you know what is important to them, and that you are asking, 'May I do this one thing for you? I know it means a lot to you, and I'd like to give this gift to you.'"

So, I did it.  I extended the olive branch.  Truth be told, I was hesitant before I did it, but I felt so sure it was God prompting me, I didn't dare resist.  I hit the Send button on my olive branch message and put my faith in God's plan.

I'm still a nervous, anxiety-ridden wreck at the moment and as I write this.  But I feel certain of the message God gave me early this morning. Regardless of the answer I receive, I know God has a plan and I followed through with what He asked me to do.

On a more positive note, I shared this experience with both my best friend and my brother.  I asked both of them for their opinion on my olive branch message.

Both were incredibly positive and said, "You did the right thing." To make it even better, both added, "That is a big thing I need to work on as well.  I don't listen as well as I should."

It is truly a hard thing to stop talking at times, especially when emotions are running high and we feel we have been run over or we want to get our point across.

But if we don't give any credence or yield to the other person in conversation, is it really a conversation?  We must listen to grow into the full person God intends us to be and to show other people we truly care about their thoughts and feelings.

Scripture is filled with commands to stop talking and actually listen.  There is also that old adage that says, "God gave you one mouth and two ears.  That means you should listen twice as much as you talk."

I believe my prayer time, olive branch message, and subsequent reading time this morning were a gift to me.  I was able to view past conversations in a new light and see how I may not have been truly listening to the other person. How I may have missed what their heart was trying to convey in that moment.

I want to change this.  I want the people I am closest to in my life to feel like they can share their thoughts and feelings with me and that they can trust me to listen and be available to them.  That I am listening to them.

I don't want my conversations to reflect only my thoughts and feelings or to only be a reflection of me; I want to listen in conversations and help others through their struggles as well.

That's why we are here, and that's how we show love best to those we love the most.

We serve a big and mighty God.  Change is always possible, and I want to be pliable clay in the Potter's hands.

Happy Thursday everyone, and remember - take the time to listen to those you love and to whom you are the closest with today.  It will change your life and theirs.