The Challenge

 

This morning's devotion hit me, like a ton of bricks (as the saying goes); it hit me right between the eyes.

I have been stuffing down (and simultaneously exploding about) a situation at work. It has really gotten me frustrated over the past month.

A situation with a lack of respect, a lack of trust, and a lack of planning.

I was asked to be part of a team for our building, but in the end - and over the course of about four consecutive weeks - our team's planning and decisions have been usurped by someone above us - changing our decisions, telling us they don't like what we have decided, and making their own plans and decisions - effectively, rending our team useless and unnecessary.

I have been "exploding" with the other team members to each other.  We all feel disrespected, not heard, and useless. We all want to quit the team.  But we have all also been "stuffing" our feelings down and not addressing our feelings with Admin, going along with and acting like everything is fine on the surface.

When you read today's devotion (below), you will see what I mean.  It explains this situation exactly, and it allows me to understand that, obviously, my team and I are not alone in our feelings or actions in these types of scenarios.

I am going to pray over my situation.  God has shown me this morning that I am not acting with soul integrity, as James 3:17 teaches us to behave, and I want to act as God thinks I should.

I know I have work to do to reach this lofty goal James imparts upon us.  I'm not even sure I can do it, but if Scripture teaches it, I am positive I have to try.

Read today's devotion from Lysa Terkeurst and see if any of it resonates with you.  Maybe you can join me in the journey to soul integrity.  It is my prayer, that no matter our age or where we are on life's path, we will find our own personal soul integrity.

Happy Saturday my friends.

PRETENDING I'M FINE, PROVING I'M RIGHT

If someone says something or does something that hurts me, what is the godly response? Is it to pretend that everything is fine so I can keep the peace? Or is it to confront the person to prove how wrong she is?

Neither.

If ever I catch myself pretending or proving, I know I'm processing my hurt the wrong way.

The right way is approaching this situation with soul integrity—responding in a way that's not only honest but peacemaking. James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure (honest); then peace-loving… " Yes, I want this kind of wisdom, this soul integrity.

I want to be honest and peacemaking at the same time. But how?

Real honesty. Not all honest expressions of my feelings are real honesty. You see, my honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation. I can be honest with how I feel and still exaggerate or misinterpret what is true. I can feel justified in being blatant about my feelings—not hiding a thing—and prideful for being so real, all under the guise of being honest enough not to stuff.

But in reality, honesty that isn't true isn't honesty at all. It may just be emotional spewing. That's why we need peacemaking honesty—honesty reined in by the Holy Spirit—if we're going to have authentic soul integrity.

So, if I want real honesty, I have to ask the Holy Spirit to show me real truth. I need to see things from the other person's perspective. I need to ask questions of that person with the desire to better understand instead of throwing out statements of accusation. Ultimately, my goal should be to add peacemaking to my honesty.

Real peacemaking. At the same time, it must also grieve God to see plastic versions of peacemaking that aren't reined in by honesty. That's what we do when we stuff and pretend everything is okay.

The upside of stuffing is that we have the semblance of peacemakers. But when we do so at the expense of honesty, we harbor a corrosive bitterness that will eventually emerge. Either it will erode our health and later present itself in a host of emotional and physical anxiety-induced illnesses, or it will accumulate over time and surprise everyone when the peacemaker eventually erupts. Saying, "I'm fine," to keep the peace, when we're really not fine, isn't honest.

Sometimes dishonesty comes in the form of saying things that aren't true. But it's also dishonest when we fail to say things that are true. It may seem godly in the moment, but it's false godliness.

Truth and godliness always walk hand in hand. The minute we divorce one from the other, we stray from soul integrity and give a foothold to the instability that inevitably leads to coming unglued.

Yes, we're after soul integrity—honesty that is also peacemaking that leads to godliness.

This soul integrity brings balance to unglued reactions. It makes us true peacemakers — people who aren't proving or pretending but rather honestly demonstrating what they are experiencing in a godly manner. And being a true peacemaker reaps a harvest of great qualities in our lives: right things, godly things, healthy things.

PRAYER
Dear Lord, through You I am able to bring all my exploding and stuffing under Your authority and truth. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit who gives me the wisdom to move beyond my reactions. Help me lean on You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Eleven Months: New Life Rebirthed

 

Today marks eleven months since (what I am now calling) my rebirth.

Our church is going through The Lord's Prayer this month, and this weekend's sermon was on forgiveness.  Some of the sermon was familiar, but other parts of it resonated with me and made me look deeper into myself.

I think all of us struggle with forgiveness.

It's a hard thing to do - saying, "I'm sorry.  I was wrong."  Stepping out of our comfort zones and into another's personal space is daunting.  Taking the added step of asking for forgiveness can be an insurmountable challenge to add on top of saying you are sorry.

I've written this before, but when my boys were younger and growing up together, I often had them add this extra step into their apologies.  It's sometimes easy to throw out and mutter a forced, "I'm sorry!" and then run away and hide.  But it's not quite as easy to reveal vulnerability and say, "Do you forgive me?"  When we do this extra step, we allow the other party - that we have hurt or offended - an opportunity to show grace and to humble themselves as well.  It's a great step, and one I 100% believe in the validity of.

When David and I parted ways, I didn't understand it.  I couldn't grasp that a man I loved - and who purported to love me - could just walk away and elevate his parents above our relationship.  It was a hard blow to stomach.  I felt lost, betrayed, and unimportant and unloved.

I have tried hard to forgive him, and often times, believe I have.  And then other times, a stray thought or feeling comes creeping back in, and I feel the hurt and betrayal all over again.  Listening to my Pastor's sermon this weekend helped re-center me and put the focus back where it needed to be.

Sometimes, asking for another person's forgiveness doesn't work out well for us.  I remember asking David if he could forgive me for hurting him.  He shook his head and said, "No."  That was a hard pill to swallow, but it propelled me from darkness to eventual light and I learned a huge lesson from that encounter.

It doesn't take a big event to hurt another person.  I hadn't cheated on David, stolen money, or anything else "big," but what hurt him was big to him and it had become a deal breaker.

Putting yourself out there and following Scripture doesn't warrant a Get Out of Jail Free card for us.  It doesn't put our heart back together.  But it will help us learn and grow.  And that is more important than healing us in a "moment."

I look at my life now - 11 months post breakup.  It has radically changed.  "I" have radically changed.

God has healed me.  "I" have healed me.  It's been a hard journey - and well, heck, it still is some days.  But here I am, 11 months later.  Just about fully healed and journeying forward.

New life has been breathed into me, and I could not be more humbled to have received it.  I don't know what the path ahead of me is, but what I do know is that 11 months ago, I never thought I'd be where I am standing today.

Baby steps.  Wisdom.  Lessons learned.  That's how life rolls.

I am excited, once again, for my future.  A future I thought had been stolen from me.  God is good.  All the time.

If you are struggling with moving past something, maybe you should look deep within yourself. Is there something you need to let go of?  Is there something or someone you have to confront or face?  Someone you need to forgive?

The choice is always ours.  You can stay and sit in your pain or you can choose to walk closely with the Lord, seeking healing and forgiveness, moving on with your life.  God is waiting to bless you.

Why not invite him in?

"Father, I am struggling and I know I can't do this without you.  Please come into my heart and help me to heal.  I welcome your presence, and the help of your Spirit that lives inside me.  Help me to lay my burdens at your feet and to heal from my past.  I lay my hurts and betrayals at the foot of the Cross, giving them fully to you.  I will try my best to forgive the one that hurt me and changed my life forever and then I will move on, knowing I rest in your hands, never to be let loose.  I trust you to change my life, to make me whole again.  Father, I am ready.  Change my heart today.  In Jesus' name we pray.  Amen."

The Christian Capitalist - A Book Review

 

I was so excited to receive this book from Momentum to review a few weeks ago.

Being a full-time county school employee, a travel agent, and an Amazon entrepreneur, I couldn't wait to read how my faith could play into capitalism.

I am usually reading two books at once, tackling them one chapter a day, at a time - but I couldn't put this book down.  I read the first three chapters almost immediately.  I remember thinking, "I need to order more copies," and then went through a mental list in my head of everyone I felt would benefit from the knowledge inside it.

If you are a small business owner, or heck - even a faith-filled Christian wondering about how finances, money, and capitalism can play and intertwine into your life, this book is a great read.

Rich Sanders, the Author, writes in simple and easy-to-understand terms, making it a quick read.

Let me share one thing from the book that hit me almost immediately and which I shared with a friend of mine...

Rich shares the story of creation and how one of the first things we learn about the nature of God is that He works.  And if we are made in His image, that must mean we were created to work as well.

As a hard worker, both mentally and physically, that really impressed upon me and validated my hard work ethic.  But it also shed light on the people around me that do not share the same work ethic as myself, even those that are Christians.

If we are truly God's people and believe that Jesus came and died for our sins, was resurrected and brought back to life, and we now accept Him into our hearts to live with and for, then shouldn't we reflect (as best we can) His nature?

I want to work; I want to reflect this characteristic of God.  I want to embrace Sunday as the day of rest and understand we were created in the image of God and it is okay to work hard and rest from it all at the end of the week.

This will probably be a a book I re-read a time or two, as I want to fully absorb its message, understanding that God teaches us to work hard but to also give generously.  No matter how much or how little God gives us, the ability and gift to work is also His call to us to use what we are given by Him to help others.

If you are interested in learning more about the Christian perspective on The Gospel of Hard Work and Generous Giving, you can visit the Christian Capitalist website where a copy can be ordered directly.  It makes for a great read plus a great gift for other Christian Capitalists in your life.

The Christian Capitalist Overview

"The Christian Capitalist explores various scriptural references that support twin pillars of Christian belief:

• Working hard to make a productive benefit from talents and materials that God has provided all people.
  
  
• Giving generously to share those benefits with our neighbors in the name of Jesus Christ.

Through a discussion of Holy Scripture, it analyzes various passages that relate to these concepts of productivity and generosity, along with 2,000 years of history discussing the good works of Christians as examples. Ultimately, this book develops a philosophy that is uniquely

Christian and capitalist: the Gospel of Hard Work and Generous Giving!"

Rich Sanders Biography

Rich Sanders is the founding pastor of Online Home Church in the Episcopal Diocese of Atlanta, which has met weekly online since the pandemic shutdown in March 2020.

He earned his Master’s in Divinity from the Candler School of Theology at Emory University in 2015. Rich follows a bi-vocational calling, so he serves in ministry and in business. As the retired President of Southern Health Lawyers, he practiced law for nearly 30 years. He has been named annually to The Best Lawyers in America - Healthcare since 2011, and he is a past president of the Georgia Academy of Healthcare Attorneys.

Rich is the founder of the charitable organization St. Michael’s Mission, Inc., which is a ministry organized to assist and serve active duty and veterans of the armed services. He is a retired volunteer chaplain at the Interfaith Airport Chapel at Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport and served as its President of the Board of Directors from 2017 until 2023.

Endorsement

“As a small business owner, my husband and I have experienced both success and challenges. The Christian Capitalist reminded me that going to church isn’t the only way to worship God.

By working hard and giving to others, I share the blessings God has given to me and my family with others.” - Elizabeth Cranston, Esq., Chief Executive Officer, Cana, LLC, Washington, DC.

GIVEAWAY TIME

I will be giving away one (1) copy of The Christian Capitalist to one lucky reader.  Please click HERE to join the giveaway.  Giveaway ends on July 8, 2024.

Momentum will also be hosting a $500 giveaway!  This will be a $500 Christian donation giveaway they will be doing separately, away from this blog and across all bloggers participating in this book event.  To enter the $500 Christian donation giveaway, please visit HERE and enter today.  (What an amazing gift to all of us - a chance to bless a cause near to your heart!)

*Many thanks to GoodWorks Mission, LLC for providing a sample of the product for my review. Opinions are 100% my own.

Seasons of WAITING

 

It's been a minute since the Lord has asked me to write anything.

I guess being in a season of waiting means...you WAIT.

I read a devotion this morning that just hit me.  When I woke up this morning, after an incredible night of sleep (finally) filled with God's presence and PEACE, I said, "Well, I am not writing this morning.  I can just read, shower, and be on time for church."

I guess you should never "assume" you know what the day is going to hold for you because God led me to read something that I felt was profound and wanted to share.

Being in a season of waiting - also means being in a season of TRUST.  I've never been good at waiting.  Everyone knows I am a "triple-A+" personality.  I am a fixer, a multi-tasker, and a leader (to a small extent).  I'm not good at waiting.  I'm more of the mindset, "What is taking so long?  Just make a decision and let's go!"

Well, you know how that usually works out.

If God wants you to WAIT, well then - you wait. This morning's reading was based on the story of Sarah and Abraham.  Yes.  We have all heard and read their story a million times, but when you put it in the context of a study on waiting, well then - it sort of tweaks the story and gives you new perspective.

Instead of me reinventing the wheel, let me share some of today's reading with you:

And I wondered if that’s how Abraham’s wife, Sarah felt when she heard she would have a baby at ninety years old. The three prophetic visitors in Genesis said Abraham’s wife would have a baby in a year. Sarah, listening from inside the tent, laughed to herself. “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” (Genesis 18:12)

I can relate to facing what seemed like an impossible situation. But I came to the end of all my efforts and natural solutions and striving, and it felt good to put it in God’s hands completely. Elisabeth Elliot writes, “God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.”

We often think of surrender like waving a white flag in battle. But my day of surrendering to God felt more like standing in the kitchen with a burnt cake in my hands, laughing because I messed the whole thing up. Then suddenly, I remember that God is an expert in turning messes into miracles, and I let out a little laugh.

Sarah laughed because she knew she couldn’t make it happen herself. The promise from God was too big, too far-fetched for a woman who was 90 years old.

And yet, despite the obstacles, God fulfilled His promise, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac.

It would be great if Sarah paved a road for us all to follow, a road of faith and optimism and kindness and trust. Wouldn’t it be great if she gave us the formula to follow for our waiting season? I can see it in the headlines: “Faith-Filled Woman Gives Birth in Her Nineties.” We’d all lean in for that kind of faith. Give us the formula—only there isn’t one.

The truth is, Sarah wasn’t all that full of faith. She didn’t play all her cards right. It seems to me, the action she took only made things messier than they needed to be (I’m guilty of the same thing). Yet, God still fulfilled what He promised.

If everyone got exactly what they wanted through trust and surrender, we’d rejoice because we finally nailed the formula. Surrender isn’t because God needs something from us but because He wants something for us—the peace that comes from trusting in Him alone. Surrender and trust enable us to accept the outcome, even if it looks different than we thought it would. A posture of surrender—even laughable surrender—recognizes that we’ve come to the end of our striving and natural solutions and we put our trust in Him no matter what. We don’t need to know what God is up to or how He’s going to work it out, we only need to know that He is a good God with our best interest in mind. And, as it turns out, impossible situations are His specialty.

I love that.  Obviously Sarah didn't have the formula for waiting and trust nailed down either.  She didn't play all her cards right - she took action on her own (outside of what God said) and made things messier - and yes, like our writer above, we have all done the same thing.

Waiting = SURRENDER.  I like the word SURRENDER so much better!  I can definitely SURRENDER to God.  Waiting is HARD.  Too hard for this triple-A+ girl.

SURRENDER means God has something for me, and when I SURRENDER to Him, I can find the PEACE I experienced last night while sleeping (yes, it's a physical feeling you feel that surpasses anything you have ever encountered - and that's why they call it "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding"). 

We put our trust in God no matter what.  No matter what untruths are being told about us.  No matter what fight or (as in my situation) flights are taking place within our situation.  No matter what.  "We don't need to know what God is up to or how He is going to work it out."

We only have to know that He is GOD, and He always has our best interests in mind.  God is in the business of CHANGE - changing people, changing situations, and changing hearts.

I love this quote above from Elisabeth Elliot, "God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to."

Wow.  Succinct and to the point.  God is God.  Rest nowhere but in His will.

If you are in a period of waiting today, like me - there are several things you can do to help yourself make it through this time of SURRENDER:

• Pray - Talk openly and honestly to God every time you have a chance.  Cry if you need to; yell if you need to; sleep if you need to - but keep talking it through with God.  It may feel as if your prayers are only hitting the ceiling, but you can REST in the FACT that they are being presented at the throne of God in Heaven.  It is Biblical!

• Journal - Keep a small notebook and pen by your bedside.  God will speak.  Let the words pour out of you.  Put all your deepest thoughts in there that may come when you wake up in the morning or when you are about to lie down to sleep at night.  Get the gunk OUT.

• Talk - Surround yourself with GODLY people.  Your friends, family, or even your Parents might all love and support you - but if they are not strong Christians daily walking with the Lord, you may get ONLY support - not God's wisdom pouring out from them to you.  It is easy to nest and snuggle up to the people we are closest to in times of waiting, but if you are receiving opinions and support from those within your circle who are either not Christians at all or are Christians "in name only," you are not getting God's wisdom.  This is a hard one I know, but look closely at your inner circle.  Who is opening their Bible and reading daily?  Who are the ones on their knees praying daily?  Who is listening to Christian music?  These are all outward "helps" to see who is really walking closely with the Lord.  (Disclaimer:  Not all strong Christians have labels on them saying, "I walk close to the Lord," so be wise in making decisions.  But you should be able to easily discern who will give you good, Godly advice rather than just advice based on their love for you.)

• Seek Godly Counsel - Goes a little bit hand-in-hand with Talk above, but you may need to seek Christian counseling or find an older (and wiser) Christian mentor.  Someone who is not a family member, friend, or Parent that can give objective viewpoints and Scripture to help you through your time of waiting.

Let's wrap up this morning's post with this lovely prayer I read.  It just hits home for me, and it is my prayer daily.  I hope it will be comforting to you as well.

I pray all of you have a wonderful Sunday in your house of worship and continue to grow closer to Jesus each day:

"Father, forgive me for lacking trust in you. Forgive me for trusting too much in myself, my capabilities, my circumstances, or others. Help my full trust to reside in you. I surrender my doubt, my fear, and my confusion. I don’t know where this path leads, but I want to trust you every step of the way. Thank you for a new level of trust in you. Amen."

Opposition Leads to Opportunity

 

I had a conversation with my sister-in-law last night.  We were discussing Thanksgiving Day and where we were going to eat.

It is our family tradition that we all gather at a friend's home.  Our friend opens her home every Thanksgiving to all who have no place to go.  

It has turned into a little bit of a "larger" gathering with Seniors, family members, and friends.  I always love going.

I had hoped this year would turn out differently.  I had hoped to go to David's family Thanksgiving.  I love his family as much as mine, and I enjoy being with them.

But it is now a week away from the holiday, and it looks like that will not be an option this year.  To this date, it has been seven weeks since David walked out and chose his family over our family and it has been (I think) something like three weeks since David has actually answered any of my communications or outreach.

Last night, my sister-in-law said, "It's time.  You need to get out of the house.  You need to move on." I'm not sure I 100% agree with the "moving on" part, as I can see all the mitigating factors that contribute to David's decision.  But, she is right in one regard - I can't control the opposition I am facing.  I can only take advantage of the opportunities opposition is granting.

In the seven weeks since David decided our relationship was not greater than his current home life, I have grown in so many ways.  As is usual in these types of circumstances (i.e., death, divorce, separations, etc.), our prayer life and faith increase.  Most of us even grow more intimate with God, more in tune with our daily activities, thoughts, and decisions.  Without that key person in our life to lean on, we start to lean on God a little bit more heavily.  God lifts us up through our sorrow and grief and lets us see the world is not all dark.  There is still light and hope.

Opposition = Opportunity

We grow closer to family members or friends we may not have reached out to as much before.  We begin to venture out and do things we might not have done before.  We pick up old activities.

We can't stay inside forever and mourn our loss or hope opposition will give up and free the people it has trapped within its walls.

But we can pray.  And yes, Jesus will always represent hope.  But, as in my particular situation, we can't hold on to the opposition and beat it up with the hope it will dissipate.  We can only move forward, leave our requests at God's altar, and let Him take care of the opposition.

Luke 17:1 says, "Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come.

Jesus said we are going to stumble - there's no avoiding it.  But - we need to let HIM take care of the opposition.  So if we believe the Bible is the inerrant word of God, then that's what we have to do.

We have to move forward and trust God to take care of the opposition.  God has a plan for us and our lives, and we can't hide away waiting for the opposition - the cause of our stumble - to fall away.  God will handle that.  Our job is to keep going.

Jentezen Franklin puts it this way:

Offenses are inevitable. No one is exempt. One way or another, we are all going to get offended, hurt, insulted, betrayed, cheated, shamed, violated, or lose our pride.

Since being offended is a Biblical fact, we must learn how to deal with it.

Opposition can cause you to face things and do things you could not have done without the opposition. Opposition will make you pray. Opposition will make you come running to God. Opposition will make you increase your faith.

You may need to start seeing those who offend or hurt you as an opportunity for God to take you higher.

Right now, the Holy Spirit is pulling into your driveway. He is coming for you. He is swooping into your home with a defibrillator. Charging the paddles with resurrection power, God is ready to press them down on your heart and shock you back to life. He is ready to revive whoever has been dead to you. He is ready to resuscitate your marriage. He is ready to resuscitate your family. He is ready to resuscitate your spirit.

It is time to restart your heart.

God can use the most trying of circumstances to fortify the walls of your marriage, your family, and your relationship with Him.

Did you get that?

"God is ready.  He is ready to resuscitate your spirit.  Start seeing those who offend or hurt you as an opportunity for God to take you higher."

Leave the offender to God's doing.  Leave the attacker to God's hand.  But at the same time, get ready.  God is coming, and He is resuscitating your Spirit.  Look for the opportunities He has provided.  Get ready to go higher.

I know I am going to do that.  I'm not going to keep staring at my phone, my laptop, or even my front door waiting for David to come back, choose US, or fight for our future.

I am leaving the offenders - through whom the stumbling block came - at God's feet and then, I'm walking away.

I'm going to look for the opportunities God is providing that will take me to a higher plane than the one the devil tried to kill and snuff out with his oppositions.

Don't let the devil rob you of your joy.  It is Biblical that in this life we will trip and stumble.  We will get hurt.  But don't give the devil at seat at your table.  Leave that seat open for God.

I will always keep joy and hope alive in my heart, but I will have to "move on" as my sister-in-law told me last night.  The offender may have stolen my future, but he will not keep me locked in his cell.  I choose to restart and embrace joyful opportunities.

* * *

"Dear God, thank you this morning for wise words to guide us.  I pray that the offender will lose its grip on my family and joy will be restored to our home.  I pray that David will be able to channel his inner Warrior and sense of sportsmanship, grasping victory on the playing field.  I pray that you grant him peace, answers, and wisdom today.  And most of all, I pray his fierce sense of competition is revived and resuscitated within him.  Let his leadership and energy used on the playing field transfer over to his personal walk with You and our family restoration.

I pray you keep him safe on the roads of Lumpkin County today, and that he touches everyone he meets.

I pray for all three of my men - David, Tony, & Josh.  That you keep them safe today, that you grant them wisdom and good choices, and that you put great Christian mentors in their lives to teach and and guide them.  I also pray that you circle and surround them with amazing Christian friends and peers that will open Scripture and the world of Christianity to them so that their knowledge and desire for You will grow stronger each day.

Thank you for all the many blessings you bestow upon me each day.  May I never lose sight of what you have given me, and may I never lose sight that it all belongs to you and should be used for your glory.

Amen."

 

Be a Warrior

I had zero intentions of writing this morning.  Didn't have it in me.

Yesterday was a hard day at work, and I was exhausted by the time I got home.  Being tired, heartbreak hit me hard.  I tried to watch the latest DVR'd Hallmark movie, but 20 min. into the story, I couldn't handle it.

All it did was remind me of David.  Since I was exhausted from work, a grocery run, and making a salad for today's Thanksgiving Feast at work, I gave up and just crawled into bed.  Even the dog didn't follow.

At some point, Tank must have come in because when I woke up at 3AM, he was curled up in front of me with his head gently placed on the curve of my side, right above my hip.  (And that is a whole other story in itself - the stages of grief my dog has been going through - and now the stages of loyalty he is displaying.) My dog has never laid on the front side of me.  He has always tucked himself (a BIG dog) along the backside of me, behind my knees with his head on my top thigh.  But the last few days, he has been climbing into bed next to me on my front side with his head gently laid on the curve of my side.  Almost as if he is saying, "Mama, I am here.  Looking at you.  Loving you.  I got you."  Such an incredible creature.  I thank God I have him every day.

As I laid there at 3AM and then again at 4:30AM, I prayed for the three men in my life - David, Tony, & Josh.  And as I talked to God about David again (I'm sure He's growing tired of hearing it by now...), a thought entered my mind.

I thought of all the times I saw David's competitiveness, his love all things sports.  The anger that came out when no one acknowledged his win at a family game of Rummikub.  The fierce ping pong match he had in my brother's basement against one of my best friends' husband.  The love of Lumpkin County Football, where he never misses a game.  His love of the Georgia Bulldogs and the accompanying inability to watch a game without yelling at the tv.  All the selfies at the gym.

I thought of how competitive David is and how much he craves the adrenaline rush and feel of sports and competition, and I prayed, "God, why can't I be that for David?  Why can't I elicit that warrior spirit from him?  Where is that fierce spirit of fighting to win the prize?  I want to be the prize.  I want him to fight and be competitive for me like he is for Rummikub or ping pong or show the enthusiasm and fervor he does for Lumpkin County football or the Georgia Bulldogs.  Where is that David?  I want to be won.  I want to be fought for.  I want to be the sport for David."

Wow.  Where did that come from this morning God?  Never thought about that, our relationship, or even David that way.  But it seemed to be true.  I've seen David yell and scream, jump and holler, and work his butt off to win whatever sport or game he is participating in.  I want that fervor.  I want to be what excites David and pushes him past all rationality to fight and get the prize at the end.

But then I rolled over and fell back asleep.

Fast forward to 5:30AM.  Dog and cats fed.  Coffee made.  "Just gonna read today.  No posting."  And then THIS from Jentezen Franklin.  I will be honest.  I am tearing up as I write this.  I have no explanation.  But God.

Today's reading from Jentezen is about that same warrior spirit.  That athletic prowess. Men fighting to win a competition, a fight, a battle.  Men doing athletic things.  Digging in, getting dirty, and (I imagine, much like David) yelling and screaming as they climb and fight to get the victory at the end of their "game."  Are you kidding me?

God, you wake me up at 3AM to have me pray for David's spirit of competition to be set on fire and then you wake me up two hours later to read this story of the Biblical David and his spirit of fire being elicited to achieve victory?  You have to be joking, right?

I'll take it God.  I hear you.  You heard me.  You validated my prayer.  Thank you.

I am still praying for my three men - David, Tony, & Josh - this morning.  I know there are misconceptions being told out there about my relationship with David that I am having to undo.  I know my boys are struggling with their own internal and external battles.  But I am here for all three of them.  I am a helpmate, a Partner, and a Mom. I will never stop praying for all of them because that's what love does.

Here is what Jentezen shared this morning in his writings.  I hope it somehow helps you in the battles you are facing today.  Remember:  The dirtiest battles of your life will produce the greatest victories.

The Dirtiest Battle = Your Greatest Victory

2 Samuel 5:8

So David and his men stood before the mountain. A wide area on top had been flattened. Huge walls surrounded the city. There was no way in.

Then, David’s eyes fell on a water tunnel. This can also be described as a water shaft or a gutter. And David turned to his army and said, “First one who gets up the gutter . . .”

Have you ever cleaned out your gutters? It is an awful job. Once you pull on thick rubber gloves that reach to your elbows, it’s time to start pulling out an endless pile of gunk and debris. Out comes slime and sludge, twigs and leaves, remnants of bird nests and sometimes even small animals. It’s just nasty.

That is what David was willing to climb through. He knew God had a bigger plan in mind. He knew God wanted him to do more than just settle for ruling in Hebron. God wanted him to take Jerusalem.

God said to David, “Hebron is what you can do, but Jerusalem is what only I can do. And I want you to get up there. It is not going to be easy. It is going to get ugly and dirty.”

David had to climb the gutter. Victory comes in the strangest of places.

The first one up was a fighter by the name of Joab. He said, “Hold up—I’ve waited for this all of my life. Get behind me, young guns. I’m going up.”

And Joab started climbing.

When he popped out the other side, you can imagine how much gunk and junk was splattered all over him. He looked bad. He smelled bad. But he raised his hands in victory and said, “God has given us this city!”

David and his men captured the city of the Jebusites. Wet, smelly and dirty, they conquered what rightfully belonged to them.

You may be facing a stronghold in your life. Maybe you are trying to save your marriage. Maybe you are trying to salvage a relationship with a wayward adult child. However big or intimidating the stronghold, God can set you free. He can raise your family up from the depths of bitterness, shame, and unforgiveness.

I do not know how dirty your battle has gotten. But I do know that it is the very place where God will be glorified the most in your life. It is where the anointing will come through.

The Big Idea:  The dirtiest battles of your life will produce the greatest victories. 

"Lord, I pray for the three men in my life today.  I pray that you will elicit from David that strong Warrior spirit.  Giving him the spirit of competitiveness and fight for the glory of victory after a well-fought battle.  May he look upon our relationship as a battle that needs to be fought.

You have already naturally gifted him with strong traits of competitiveness and desires to win.  May those same tendencies be redirected to something that really matters in life.

May he awake today to your Spirit burning inside his chest - pushing him to work hard, fight hard, and win the game, achieving the glory of victory in the end.

I know this desire exists in him.  I have seen it so many times!  I have faith that you will awaken the spirit of competitiveness that lives in David.  I have faith in him and you.

Please watch over David today as he travels the roads of Lumpkin County.  Keep him safe and let his interactions with the people he meets today be full of wisdom and edification.  May he show love to those he meets today, and may he receive love and wisdom in return.

Lord, I pray for Tony.  I pray you keep him safe as he travels for work and back and forth to school.

Thank you for the blessing of having Tony here at home with me while he works his way through school.  It is always a joy to have him here when he needs to be.  We are thankful for the home you have provided for us. May we radiate out of it and bless others through it as well.  May we never forget this!

I pray you bestow Tony with wisdom to do well in all his classes, and that the desire to finish his degree will remain strong and he will not fall off course or lose that desire again.

I pray for his protection as he interacts and meets new people in life.  That you will be on whatever path he finds himself on, guiding him silently along the way.  I pray that you put a strong Christian mentor and friends in his life as well, bringing him back to the Cross and you.  He is a good kid, and I love him more than life itself.

Lord, I pray for Josh today.  Squirrel is a constant delight in all our lives.  He came out of the gate louder than life - jokes, impressions, funny antics - all of it. His life has not been easy (neither boy's life has been for that matter), but he has overcome many of those obstacles.

I pray that you keep Josh safe today as he serves our Country in the United States Air Force.  Thank you for placing him in a job he can do well and that keeps him safe.

I pray for his health, and I pray - like Tony - that you bring him back to the Cross and you.  That you keep his desire strong for searching and learning about all things Spiritual and Biblical.  I pray that no matter what path he walks down in life, you are there, waiting, for him.  I also pray, like Tony, that you put a strong Christian mentor in his life, as well as Christian friends.

Thank for the blessing of both boys in my life.

Amen."