The Challenge

 

This morning's devotion hit me, like a ton of bricks (as the saying goes); it hit me right between the eyes.

I have been stuffing down (and simultaneously exploding about) a situation at work. It has really gotten me frustrated over the past month.

A situation with a lack of respect, a lack of trust, and a lack of planning.

I was asked to be part of a team for our building, but in the end - and over the course of about four consecutive weeks - our team's planning and decisions have been usurped by someone above us - changing our decisions, telling us they don't like what we have decided, and making their own plans and decisions - effectively, rending our team useless and unnecessary.

I have been "exploding" with the other team members to each other.  We all feel disrespected, not heard, and useless. We all want to quit the team.  But we have all also been "stuffing" our feelings down and not addressing our feelings with Admin, going along with and acting like everything is fine on the surface.

When you read today's devotion (below), you will see what I mean.  It explains this situation exactly, and it allows me to understand that, obviously, my team and I are not alone in our feelings or actions in these types of scenarios.

I am going to pray over my situation.  God has shown me this morning that I am not acting with soul integrity, as James 3:17 teaches us to behave, and I want to act as God thinks I should.

I know I have work to do to reach this lofty goal James imparts upon us.  I'm not even sure I can do it, but if Scripture teaches it, I am positive I have to try.

Read today's devotion from Lysa Terkeurst and see if any of it resonates with you.  Maybe you can join me in the journey to soul integrity.  It is my prayer, that no matter our age or where we are on life's path, we will find our own personal soul integrity.

Happy Saturday my friends.

PRETENDING I'M FINE, PROVING I'M RIGHT

If someone says something or does something that hurts me, what is the godly response? Is it to pretend that everything is fine so I can keep the peace? Or is it to confront the person to prove how wrong she is?

Neither.

If ever I catch myself pretending or proving, I know I'm processing my hurt the wrong way.

The right way is approaching this situation with soul integrity—responding in a way that's not only honest but peacemaking. James 3:17 says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure (honest); then peace-loving… " Yes, I want this kind of wisdom, this soul integrity.

I want to be honest and peacemaking at the same time. But how?

Real honesty. Not all honest expressions of my feelings are real honesty. You see, my honest feelings may not be truthful assessments of the situation. I can be honest with how I feel and still exaggerate or misinterpret what is true. I can feel justified in being blatant about my feelings—not hiding a thing—and prideful for being so real, all under the guise of being honest enough not to stuff.

But in reality, honesty that isn't true isn't honesty at all. It may just be emotional spewing. That's why we need peacemaking honesty—honesty reined in by the Holy Spirit—if we're going to have authentic soul integrity.

So, if I want real honesty, I have to ask the Holy Spirit to show me real truth. I need to see things from the other person's perspective. I need to ask questions of that person with the desire to better understand instead of throwing out statements of accusation. Ultimately, my goal should be to add peacemaking to my honesty.

Real peacemaking. At the same time, it must also grieve God to see plastic versions of peacemaking that aren't reined in by honesty. That's what we do when we stuff and pretend everything is okay.

The upside of stuffing is that we have the semblance of peacemakers. But when we do so at the expense of honesty, we harbor a corrosive bitterness that will eventually emerge. Either it will erode our health and later present itself in a host of emotional and physical anxiety-induced illnesses, or it will accumulate over time and surprise everyone when the peacemaker eventually erupts. Saying, "I'm fine," to keep the peace, when we're really not fine, isn't honest.

Sometimes dishonesty comes in the form of saying things that aren't true. But it's also dishonest when we fail to say things that are true. It may seem godly in the moment, but it's false godliness.

Truth and godliness always walk hand in hand. The minute we divorce one from the other, we stray from soul integrity and give a foothold to the instability that inevitably leads to coming unglued.

Yes, we're after soul integrity—honesty that is also peacemaking that leads to godliness.

This soul integrity brings balance to unglued reactions. It makes us true peacemakers — people who aren't proving or pretending but rather honestly demonstrating what they are experiencing in a godly manner. And being a true peacemaker reaps a harvest of great qualities in our lives: right things, godly things, healthy things.

PRAYER
Dear Lord, through You I am able to bring all my exploding and stuffing under Your authority and truth. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit who gives me the wisdom to move beyond my reactions. Help me lean on You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Faithfulness

 

The seventh fruit of the Spirit is faithfulness.

This is something I have been struggling with forever.  Both for myself and toward others, meaning I sometimes find it hard or difficult to be "faithful" to others but I also struggle with others being faithful to me and why that can be difficult.

Yesterday, someone slipped and told me my previous boyfriend came to church the weekend I was out of town. (There is a back story to this, but I will digress on that part.)

I realized while praying this morning that my immediate and first reaction was HOPE.  My mind had wondered to questions like, "Why was he there?" "What did my brother and sister-in-law say to him?" "Did he ask about me?" "Maybe there is some HOPE left."

And then I silently said, "God, my hope is not in man.  It is in you.  You are the ANCHOR I hold on to, not man.  If I am being honest God, my immediate and first thought was HOPE when I heard this information and that was wrong of me, but you already know my innermost thoughts and feelings, so you already knew what I felt and thought.  I will keep going forward as I have been directed and keep my eyes focused on you."

This morning, I poured my first cup of joe and then sat down to read today's devotion.  It was a late morning because I was out late last night.  I don't normally venture out much anymore, especially not late at night to concerts or out of my bubble zones.  But a close family friend had invited me to join his family on an outing and fun adventure to a little music club to see his brother - a famous (unbeknownst to me) folk singer - perform.  It was wonderful, and I thoroughly enjoyed my time with his family and visiting a new town, a new venue, and a new performer.

As I sat down to read, the study was on faithfulness.  I haven't felt much lately during my readings, and I haven't felt the Lord pushing or calling me to write.  Honestly, I have been struggling a little bit and have felt broken and lost.  (As a side note:  I am so thankful to be back with my wonderful Christian Counselor who each week gently guides me back to the center line and keeps me focused - "You are not broken or lost.  You are 100% completely normal in your grieving.  Everyone goes through this.")

So reading about faithfulness was good this morning, as I sipped the hot coffee from my new Krusty Krab mug.

I had been struggling with faithfulness, as my last partner (as you may have read here before) has huge issues with this fruit and his struggle has hugely impacted my own life the last four months.  Faithfulness is not something my circle of family and friends normally struggles with.

Coming from a big Italian family, faithfulness was never something in doubt or question.  We may have fought, but we were fiercely faithful to each other - even through times of loneliness, anger, or even unhappiness.  You worked through those emotions and came back together stronger.  Fleeing has never been an option for us.

Same holds true with my inner circle of friends.  We may ebb and flow and move in and out of crossing paths, but we always remain faithful to each other, coming back together to support and love each other through the hard times, the difficult times, or even disagreements we might have with each other.

Today's devotion verse, Hebrews 10:23 says, "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

That hit me deep and hard.

Let us hold fast.  Hold fast.  Cling to.  The confession of our HOPE without wavering.  For HE who promised is faithful.

When we cling to something, or hold fast, we are anchoring on something - like a belief or a principle.  Something so deep down in our soul, we can't be pried from it.

It's not hope in a person like I briefly held onto yesterday.  It's something so much more.  Something more profound and real.  Something deep down in our soul.

When our HOPE is in Jesus, we are secure.  Something that worldly hope cannot provide.  Hope in man will fail you, eventually at some point.  HOPE in Jesus does not waver because He has promised us He would be faithful.

God's faithfulness - and this seventh fruit of the Spirit - is seen throughout Scripture.  We can read examples of it in story after story.  We can look at our own lives and see where the fruit has been produced within us and for us.  God is faithful.  He will never leave you or forsake you.

My walk with Jesus the past four months has been life changing.  Through the heartbreak of unfaithfulness, I have been anchored to - held fast to - my HOPE, a Savior that has unending faithfulness to me and that produces fruit in my life.

And I know He will always be faithful because Scripture says He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Today - this morning - is a great time to place your faith in Jesus.  He is our anchor that we hold fast to.  He will never leave you, so there is no fear in trusting Him or relaxing in your relationship with Him.  There is no fear of hurting His feelings or you not being enough for Him or even you being responsible for filling up his emotional love tank.

He is the same for us today as He was yesterday, and He will be the same for us tomorrow as He is today.

Go ahead and put your trust and faith in Jesus.  Biblical HOPE is so much greater and more powerful than worldly "hope."  Give Jesus your heart and your life.  I promise you will never look back or be the same again.

Let's end today's writing with these exact words put into a beautiful, blessed song from the very gifted singer and songwriter Cody Carnes:

Back to KINDNESS

 

"Father, I pray You would help me to always remember that it was because of Your loving kindness that I am here where I stand today.

May this always be at the forefront of my mind and heart as I go forth in my interactions with others so my words will carry greater weight as Your kindness is produced in me and displayed through me. Amen."

* * * * *

Wednesdays are long days for me.  A full day at my day job and then off to visit my Counselor for our weekly meeting and then off again for my women's Wednesday night Bible Study at church.

By the time I get home, I am tired.  A quick change into warm, cozy pajamas and then into bed.  Usually, no TV.  Just a quick glance of phone notifications before turning off the lights and snuggling up with my furry family members to sleep.

Over the last few weeks, I have been learning about the fifth Fruit of the Spirit - kindness.  It is one I have tried to dig deep into.

We often think of ourselves as kind and view ourselves through that qualifying magnifying glass.  But it is how others view us that we must really keep at the forefront of our thinking.  If others we cross paths with do not view us as kind, are we really being kind and producing this Fruit of the Spirit in our lives?

Last night, I had one of the most impactful dreams I have ever had.  I feel sure it was God's Holy Spirit impressing upon me the importance of this fifth Fruit of the Spirit - kindness.

The Old Testament is ripe with stories of God speaking to His people through dreams.  At the beginning of mankind, there were no writings or Scripture for people to read, study, or for God to speak to His people through.  Later on, even when the Scriptures were available, they were normally only read in the Temple; people did not own a personal copy as we do today.  Because of this, God would often speak to His people through dreams.

We don't hear of God speaking to His people through dreams much anymore, but our God is still the same God today as he was in Genesis and Exodus.  He is still abundantly able to use our dreams to communicate with us.

All through last night, for a solid and straight six hours, God took me on a journey over the last 11 years.  Showing me each relationship I have been in during those years (albeit and thankfully, not many!) and how my words and actions might have impacted my partners.

One scene I can still vividly remember seeing from last night was from about 11 years ago.  I was going through the final stages of my divorce.  My ex-husband's and my lawyer had both said it was the nicest and most cordial divorce they had ever been through.  We had tried to remember who we were as Christians and treated each other with respect and kindness through our mediation.

Greg had decided to let me remain in our house, so the boys could stay in their surroundings and not be disrupted by the divorce.  He agreed to move about a mile down the street so they boys could still be close to their Dad.

I remember driving home on the day Greg and his Parents were packing up his things and moving furniture.  I pulled into our cul-de-sac and saw cars in the driveway.  They were still there busy loading up his things. I didn't want to go inside or near the house.  I knew it would be terribly hard and awkward.  So, after sitting there for a few minutes, I drove away knowing it would be the last time Greg would be a part of our home.

It was a sad day.  A memory God presented and allowed to come to me in my dream last night.  My little red Honda Element sitting in the cul-de-sac, across from my driveway.  I could see all the cars there, and I remembered thinking Greg was inside packing and moving the furniture he was taking with him.

When that day actually occurred, in real life, I had been relieved.  Greg and I had lived together through our divorce, and I had done most of my grieving over the months leading up to the divorce.  I was ready to exhale and begin a new life.  But in my dream last night, God's Spirit impressed upon me how Greg must have been feeling that day - I felt a heavy weight of empathy envelop me.  How sad Greg must have been to leave a house and a home we built together for almost 20 years and how hard it must have been to leave his two boys to move to a house down the street all alone.

One by one, the Lord presented different situations to me - each time surrounding me with the heavy weight of empathy, the other person's feelings, and what it must have felt like to be on the other side of me.

I woke up wide awake and with a burden that felt like a heavy sack of grain on my shoulders.  The sadness was overwhelming.

I didn't know who that girl was in my dream.  She was surely not the same person I am today.  I was overcome with guilt and empathy for the people my life had intersected with.  I got up, showered, and tried to get ready for my day at work.  I tried to shake the feelings I had been given and the images the Lord presented to me overnight, but about 30 min. into my morning routine, I was overcome with a deep need to speak to the Lord.

I stopped what I was doing and sat down on my bed.  I bowed my head and began to pray.  Thirty minutes later, I had given my burdens to the Lord.  I'd laid them at His feet and asked Him to remove them from me. I apologized and asked for forgiveness, and I had - most importantly - asked Him to instill kindness within my nature so I could produce this fifth Fruit of the Spirit.  

"Lord, I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.  Please help me to remember these moments and learn from them.  I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

Kindness is a hard Fruit of the Spirit to produce sometimes.  People try our patience.  People hurt us.  But yet, if we abide in Christ, we should be able to overcome the obstacles the devil puts in our path to produce the Fruits of the Spirit.

In Romans 2:4, the Bible says, "...or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness...not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?"

That was the first Scripture I read this morning.  Kind of unbelievable, but yet God is always right on time.

The kindness of God leads us to repentance, just like I experienced last night.  God's kindness last night led me to repenting and asking for forgiveness for my past.  It taught me about kindness and how to produce it.

When we are kind, God will use it to draw people to us.

"As the Holy Spirit works in us, transforming us, pouring the image of Christ in us, pouring His kindness into us, it’s that fruit that will lead to the salvation of people around us. It’s not us winning an argument or showing them how much we know. It’s the evidence of God’s work in us, of His kindness, that leads to repentance and gives true credibility to our message."

I am incredibly thankful for a God that forgives (and forgets) our transgressions and loves us so much, He knows we can change and he shows us how to do so with gentleness and love.

I am grateful He taught me about kindness last night.  I can't wait to begin producing fruit...

* * * * *

"Dear Lord, thank you for your forgiving nature.  The ability to forget and forgive our transgressions.  Your deep love for me is astounding.  You change me all the time, and I am so thankful for new chances every morning.

I want to be the person You desire for me to be.  I want to show people who You truly are - Your kind and gentle nature - drawing more to You each day.

Thank you for new beginnings.  I love you. Amen."

Fruit of the Spirit - KINDNESS

The fifth Fruit of the Spirit is kindness.

This one is tricky for me here lately...let me explain.

For the past year or two, my hormones have been depleted.  As in all three major hormones became nonexistent.

If you have been through this experience, you know what I am about to say.

When your hormones are out of balance - or as in my case - completely depleted, you change as a person.  When my hormones depleted, I became hollow on the inside. I felt empty and like a shell of my former self.

I lost all incentives to go out and do things.  I didn't want to be social anymore - I wanted to come home from work, change into my pajamas or casual wear, and just relax at home.  I lost all desire to go out and be adventurous or have fun anymore.  I was just happy to be at home - relaxed, maybe cooking dinner, and watching tv and hanging out with my furry family members.

I also lost all desire to go to church.  And y'all know how much I love Jesus and going to worship!  I was even at a place in my life where my boyfriend, my brother, and my sister-in-law were all attending the same church.  But, I just had no desire to go.  I wanted to stay home and watch it on TV.

I couldn't figure out why I was feeling this way.  

To top it all off, I lost all kindness.  Losing your hormones will turn you into something and someone you won't recognize.  No desire for anything and no desire to be kind to anyone anymore.  It was a sad place to be.  And unless you recognize the underlying medical cause, you will continue on as I did for nearly two years!

In my case, I was very lucky to have a friend that was going through the same thing and who sought medical treatment. She shared with me what was going on, and I was able to start treatment - bioidentical hormone replacement therapy.  I am happy to report, I am finally starting to feel like my old self again.  It is amazing and WONDERFUL!  I love being happy and kind again.

So, for me, the last two years manifesting the Fruit of the Spirit - kindness has been terribly difficult.

Fast forward to today.

During the two years I was lost and in this medical condition, no one knew it.  Due to my unkindness (and, of course, other contributing factors), I lost my boyfriend of five years.  If you have been keeping up with my writings, you know this breakup has me on the verge of complete wreckage.  Some days, I can barely get out of bed.

My faith has grown exponentially during this time, and God has given me the greatest opportunity and pleasure of meeting a growing list of families and women suffering through similar circumstances and who have also wrestled with other things like addiction (that affected my relationship).

But in the process, my now ex-boyfriend has blocked me everywhere - texts, phone calls, and social media.  I don't understand this; I really do not.

My boyfriend is a kind man with a servant's heart, so I do not understand the unkindness of these actions.  Maybe it has to do with maturity, maybe it has to do with love and hurt.  I really do not know.

Hence my struggle with this Fruit of the Spirit.  Kindness is a tough one for me.  I don't know how to show God's love and kindness to a person that is not kind to me.  I know I need to.  It's Biblical.

It's so easy to love those that are lovable, but it is extremely difficult to love and show kindness to those that are not kind or loving toward us!

Since I am studying kindness for a few days, I guess this Fruit of the Spirit will be added to my prayer list.  I can naturally be kind to coworkers, students at my high school, and friends, but being kind to my ex is going to be a challenge.

I've got to conjure up how to do this and really mean it.  The hurt from being blocked everywhere instead of working through issues or seeking help is going to be a big hurdle to jump over.

But I serve a mighty God, and as Lysa Terkeurst would say, He is an expert in sweeping up the dust of our shattered selves and creating new life.  I am so looking forward to that.

I mean, new life.  What is that?  I'm still attached to the old one.  I'm still trying to figure out life on my own apart from my loved one.  I'm still trying to understand thought processes and actions so foreign to my own.  Who just leaves without seeking help, being transparent, or communicating you're hurting?  Yes, I am looking forward to learning all about kindness and the new life Jesus can create.

I want to be happy, joyful, and positive.  I want to manifest love, joy, peace, patience, and now kindness.

Thank you Jesus for sweeping up our shattered lives and taking the dust left from those shattered pieces and forming something new.  So many of us are craving that...

"Lord, thank You for being the perfect example of kindness on this earth. You know how to love unconditionally and purely. I want to be more like You! I need You every second of the day to remind me to extend Your love to others. Help me to not follow my emotions when I’m angry, sad, or anxious but to follow You. Please forgive me for those times I haven’t represented You well. I rest in You today. Amen."

2 Tim 1:7

 

I am veering off patience this morning to share a Christine Caine post.  I am sharing this for someone specific who needs to hear it.

This has been a hard morning, following a hard night.

Last night at 11:30 pm, my son left to head back home to Missouri and the USAF.

Josh had not been home in almost two years, and this visit - although a short five days - was better than any of us could have imagined.

Josh has grown and matured and is a natural talker (much like his Father).  My heart broke (as I knew it would) when I walked back into a quiet and empty house.

There are seven more days left of Winter Break.  I will need to fill them with activities, home projects, and more to help keep my Spirit and countenance full.

I knew that Josh's leaving on top of my feelings for David would be a hard combination to work through.  Two pieces of my heart missing. And so, I wasn't surprised when my body would wake up at 4:30 and then 6:30 and then again at 7:30.  I am drained and tired.

I need to get back to walking, yoga, and so much more.

I wasn't surprised when I tried to pray and talk to God and I kept falling asleep.  I wasn't surprised when I finally broke down and gave in to the tears at 8:30, kneeling by the couch to pray and cry out to God - for myself, for my boys, and for David.

So many feelings.  So many people needing intercession and prayer.  Protection and guidance...

Finally wiping the tears away and pouring the day's first cup of coffee, I opened up my Christine Caine book and read what I am going to share below.

I needed to read this.  God needed to speak to my SOUL.  But also - while reading it, all it kept bringing to mind was David.

I pray that although David has blocked me everywhere, he still remembers this blog and comes to read it from time to time.  This post is for him.  This Bible verse is for him.

The devotion below may be for you as well if you are reading this and struggling today.  I'm not sure who else God may be using this writing for...

I know who I am posting it for and who was brought to mind over and over again as I read.  Yes, some of it was applicable to myself - but my prayer is that David stumbles upon this post at some point in his life and it touches his heart and Spirit as it did mine.

God has a process and a plan in place.  We can't always see it until we have passed it and reached our destination.  I don't know where I'm traveling to today.  I'm just praying I make it through the hours of the day.  As one of my prayer partners told me yesterday, "Debbie, you are going to live whether you want to or not! You will get through this and come out on the other side even better than before!  Embrace this time with the Lord."  Amen.

2 Timothy 1:7

God has not given you a Spirit of FEAR, but one of POWER, LOVE, and SOUND JUDGMENT.

When the Covid-19 pandemic first started, I remember going to the store one day and being shocked at the empty shelves. I remember overhearing conversations as I waited in the long line at the checkout. While some people had much to say and others very little, what couldn't be missed was the fear in their voices.

On my drive home, I couldn't help but think about it, and when I did, that, same spirit of fear began to invade my mind. I thought of my girls and how all this could affect them. They'd already been sent home from school to learn online. They'd already been separated from their friends and routines. We were all adapting to a whole new way of life minute by minute.

As I pulled into the driveway, deep down, I knew I couldn't go in the house in such a state. I had to stop and rein it all in. For Nick. For the girls. For my own piece of mine. So, doing what I had done a thousand times before, I put my hand to my forehead, and I started talking too myself: "Christine, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of LOVE, POWER, and a SOUND MIND. You might not understand what is happening, but the one thing you know is that God has never failed you before, and he is not about to start now, so you know you can trust him now."

I understand you might think this is a strange ritual, but it is a practice I have developed over the years. When I have a decision to make. When I need answers in a tough situation. When my thoughts begin to spiral, my heart starts to race, and my palms go damp. When everything feels out of my control, and fear wants to take complete control. When I need to endure in faith.

In every battle we face, are fiercest enemy is fear, and the devil knows it. That's why he's always ready to foster it and reinforce it. If we don't learn how to overcome its power, then it can defeat us every time. It can even develop into chronic conditions that manifest in our bodies and minds, such as anxiety, panic attacks, incessant worry, or sleepless nights. If you have ever suffered from any of fear's debilitating effects, you know that the symptoms are very real.

But God has not given us a spirit of fear. He has given us POWER, LOVE, and SOUND JUDGMENT. The Bible translation I first memorized calls it a sound mind, which is why I quoted it that way to myself. I do my best to use God's Word to defeat fear where the battle always begins - in my mind.

What about you? Have you learned to fight the battle in your mind and for your mind? Have you learned to wield God's Word against the fear that tries to take over? Today's verse is a strong declaration to remind yourself that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND.

Heavenly Father, thank you that you have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Help me remember this and keep trusting in You more in Jesus name, Amen.

*The above is quoted from Christine Caine's newest devotion book, You're Not Finished Yet.  Below is my Amazon Associate link, if you would like to order.  I love reading Christine Caine.  She is always right on time, Biblically-centered and accurate, and a great inspiration to all of our Spiritual walks and growth.

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

 

Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, & my burden is light."

It's a dreary, cold, & rainy Saturday morning today.

I've already been to the park to walk/run my miles, and I've made breakfast and watched a Christmas movie.

My agenda today is to start decorating for Christmas.  But honestly, I have no desire to do it.  Lately, my heart has been sad, and I'm just not into it yet this year. I feel like the joy has been sucked out of my life for a season.

My prayer partners and inner circle of best girlfriends and family know I am in a season of waiting. And to be honest and transparent here, it sucks - for so many reasons.

Have you ever been here?  It could be for anything.  Health diagnoses, relationship issues, or work-related situations.  It's not a fun place to be.

One day, you are learning and growing and the next minute or even the next day, you could be right back to being broken and wondering why God isn't changing things.

I read this prayer today, and it really touched my heart:

"Father, you are gentle and humble in heart, and you invite me to come to you when I’m weary and burdened. You lead me to a better way. Make me more like you. Open up my eyes to the beauty in this journey of waiting, help me to draw closer to you, and to become more patient. Help me to learn how to rest, wait, listen, and renew. Amen."

I love that - Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.  Interesting series of actions.

The prayer above says "help me...to become more patient..." I've never personally prayed for patience.  In church, we've always been taught to not pray for patience because the Lord will readily oblige and teach you!  Ha! But, I guess, within our seasons of waiting, patience is something that is absolutely necessary.

Over the last two months, I have been sitting through a period of "time and space." I have had my two prayer partners pray over me in written messages as well as over the phone.  The prayers have been beautiful and well-spoken.  They have covered me with love and God's Words. Both men have shared their personal testimonies with me, as well as given good sound and Godly advice.

I have been blessed with these two prayer partners, and I am so grateful God has given them to me.

Along with receiving Godly prayer partners during my season of "time and space," God has also opened a few beautiful doors for me within my house of worship - new serving opportunities; new groups to join for fellowship and learning God's Word; and a renewed love of attending church, worshipping, and learning.

But if you've been through a season of waiting, you know that God's blessings still do not make your period of "rest, wait, listen, and renew" a piece of cake or easier.

It's always hard during these seasons - feelings and thoughts of what your heart wants, asking God where He is and why He isn't showing up, and having Him remain silent on the other end - all struggles mixed in with the blessings He presents us with during this time.

I suppose it is in times of waiting we should strive to become more like Peter.  Remember when Peter tried to walk across the raging waves and sea to meet Jesus out on the water?  He was safe and stayed afloat when his eyes remained on Jesus, but the second he turned away from Jesus, he began to sink.

I think that's what most of us feel like during our seasons of waiting, especially on those days (like today) that are "empty" of any errands or appointments.  I always tend to think on these days, "Well, Jesus.  Here I am.  I've got plenty of time today to work on this thing.  Are you going to open a door or not?"

Lordy.  I'm sure Jesus must get a laugh out of our thought processes, questions, and "little demands."

We are taking our eyes off the PROCESS and Jesus and turning our gaze to the OUTCOME or problem at hand.  And that's when, like Peter, we start to sink.

My prayers remain the same each day.  I pray for change.  I pray for my loved ones.  I pray for protection.  I pray for release.  I thank Jesus for my salvation, forgiving me for my sins, and for creating new life in me.

As a matter of fact, as I was discussing prayer life with one of my prayer partners a few nights ago, we talked about how there is no magic formula for praying.  No special combination of words or actions that automatically prompt Jesus to answer our prayers.

We can pray for God's Will to be done.  We can pray for demonic forces to release those we love.  We can pray for protection over those we love. We can pray for release.  We can pray for doors to open.  We can pray for help and healing in certain situations, but - there will never be any special combination of words or actions that God magically responds to.

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

Write those words down and remember them. Those are the periods of "fire" we have to walk through.  It may take days...or weeks...or as in my prayer partner's situation, years.

But in the end, God will renew us.

It will be His Will and His way, and we will continue to embrace the PROCESS instead of taking our eyes off Him to focus on the outcome we desire.

Trust me, Jesus knows ALL our thoughts and prayers, and He will still do what is best for us, regardless.

I'll sum up today's post with this...

Christian Pastor, speaker, & author John Ortberg says, “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.”

So in the heartbreak of your "time and space" seasons of life, remember this:  REST - WAIT - LISTEN - RENEW - "Waiting is the part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be."

"Father God, I lift up this season of "time and space" and give it to you.  You have heard my prayers.  You know my heart.  I pray that you help me to remember to embrace your PROCESS and not focus on the OUTCOME I desire.  I know what you offer and give to us is what will be the very best for us, even if we can't always see it.

I pray we keep our gaze on you and not what other people think or do to us.  That you bless us and open beautiful doors in our seasons of waiting.  I will trust you to keep instilling wisdom and peace into my heart when evil wants to keep hurt there instead.  It's a hard, long process, and we can't always see or feel you.  We may sometimes wonder where you are and why you aren't answering us, but FAITH says you are always near and always listening.  May we remember these words you teach us and KNOW you will bring us through our seasons.  Amen."

Listening

 

This morning was interesting. 

Before my feet even hit the floor, I was in prayer.  No revelations or epiphany this morning.  Just good, 'ole-fashioned prayer with the Lord.

I picked up my phone and went through a few old conversations, digging deep and going way back.

What I came away with was something gleaned.  Divine interference?  Maybe.  I really don't know.

I felt something stirring inside of me.  My heart seemed touched.  The question looming in my head was, "What can I do for you?"  And then, I thought - maybe God is trying to tell me something.

My brother told me this morning, after I shared my morning prayer time with him, that we, as Italians, have a common trait we need to be constantly working on.  We talk.  In fact, we probably talk too much, to our detriment.  We need to be listening more.  

I think that while I have always been listening, maybe my heart was not in the right place or where it needed to be during past conversations. Several questions flooded to my heart this morning while I prayed and read those old conversations.

"How can I do better for you?" "What do you need from me?"  "What can I do to help you?"

As I listened and read, I saw that my responses in the conversations were plentiful and long.  But the person's responses with whom I was in conversation with were short and often shared what they needed from me or what was missing.  

I thought I had been listening, but it looked like I was stampeding over my conversation partner.  My high emotions at the time had not yielded to the heart of the other person.  What I was accusing the other person of, I seemed to be guilty of as well.

My heart sunk as I scrolled through the old conversations.  So much could have been derailed if I had just actually answered those thoughts and feelings.  If I had just said, "I'm sorry. What can I do for you?" or "I'm sorry.  What do you need from me?"

Fast forward several hours and a conversation with my brother later.  Dog and cats fed.  Coffee brewed.  Opened up today's reading - from Billy Graham - and this is what I found waiting for me.  How does God always know what is coming down the line and prepares us and our hearts for it?

"The blind man, Bartimaeus, threw off his cloak and ran trembling to Jesus. 

And Jesus said, “What do you want me to do for you?” 

He said, “Lord, that I may receive my sight.” 

In that moment as he said, “Lord,” his spiritual eyes were opened. And Jesus said, “Your faith has made you whole.” 

Notice—not your intellectual understanding, not your money, not your works—but your faith. Faith! That’s all it takes! 

Immediately Bartimaeus, who had been blind all of his life, began to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was the face of Jesus. What an experience—to open one’s eyes and look straight into the strong, tender face of Jesus! 

Bartimaeus met Jesus, and the record says he “followed Jesus in the way.” When you go back to your business, or your home, or your neighborhood, or your friends, or your school, you don’t go alone. Christ goes with you.

Did you catch that?  Jesus said, "What do you want me to do for you?"

Maybe I did have a divine appt. and epiphany this morning after all!  God had been preparing and calling my heart to a new place before I even opened up Scripture.

He softly said, "Debbie.  I need you to stop talking and start listening. You are missing things."  Suddenly, my heart flooded with new emotion.  I had been missing this key part of living and relationships (I think) my entire life. It felt like a blurred view had suddenly come into focus.

To be honest, I've been praying a long time for change like this to come into my heart - I mean months, if not years.  I wasn't born with a "sweet" gene, and I've always been envious of those that had it.  What a wonderful feeling to finally "get it" and understand true empathy and love for others.

As I laid in bed praying and reading those conversations, things suddenly became clear.  I recalled conversations with our Principal at school, often talking to our staff about meeting students where they are.  Asking questions like, "What do you need from me?" and "What can I do to help you?"

I could hear his talks ringing in my head. Everything was clicking.

Then I heard that familiar still, small voice say, "Debbie. Now, I want you to extend an olive branch this morning."

Wait, what? You want me to act on this right now?  I thought we were just going to let me apply this to all future situations...You're kidding, right?

He continued, "Here's what I want you to do and it may not end like you want it to, but I want you to be brave, have courage, and reach out this morning.  I want you to tell someone that you hear them.  That you know what is important to them, and that you are asking, 'May I do this one thing for you? I know it means a lot to you, and I'd like to give this gift to you.'"

So, I did it.  I extended the olive branch.  Truth be told, I was hesitant before I did it, but I felt so sure it was God prompting me, I didn't dare resist.  I hit the Send button on my olive branch message and put my faith in God's plan.

I'm still a nervous, anxiety-ridden wreck at the moment and as I write this.  But I feel certain of the message God gave me early this morning. Regardless of the answer I receive, I know God has a plan and I followed through with what He asked me to do.

On a more positive note, I shared this experience with both my best friend and my brother.  I asked both of them for their opinion on my olive branch message.

Both were incredibly positive and said, "You did the right thing." To make it even better, both added, "That is a big thing I need to work on as well.  I don't listen as well as I should."

It is truly a hard thing to stop talking at times, especially when emotions are running high and we feel we have been run over or we want to get our point across.

But if we don't give any credence or yield to the other person in conversation, is it really a conversation?  We must listen to grow into the full person God intends us to be and to show other people we truly care about their thoughts and feelings.

Scripture is filled with commands to stop talking and actually listen.  There is also that old adage that says, "God gave you one mouth and two ears.  That means you should listen twice as much as you talk."

I believe my prayer time, olive branch message, and subsequent reading time this morning were a gift to me.  I was able to view past conversations in a new light and see how I may not have been truly listening to the other person. How I may have missed what their heart was trying to convey in that moment.

I want to change this.  I want the people I am closest to in my life to feel like they can share their thoughts and feelings with me and that they can trust me to listen and be available to them.  That I am listening to them.

I don't want my conversations to reflect only my thoughts and feelings or to only be a reflection of me; I want to listen in conversations and help others through their struggles as well.

That's why we are here, and that's how we show love best to those we love the most.

We serve a big and mighty God.  Change is always possible, and I want to be pliable clay in the Potter's hands.

Happy Thursday everyone, and remember - take the time to listen to those you love and to whom you are the closest with today.  It will change your life and theirs.

  

Opposition Leads to Opportunity

 

I had a conversation with my sister-in-law last night.  We were discussing Thanksgiving Day and where we were going to eat.

It is our family tradition that we all gather at a friend's home.  Our friend opens her home every Thanksgiving to all who have no place to go.  

It has turned into a little bit of a "larger" gathering with Seniors, family members, and friends.  I always love going.

I had hoped this year would turn out differently.  I had hoped to go to David's family Thanksgiving.  I love his family as much as mine, and I enjoy being with them.

But it is now a week away from the holiday, and it looks like that will not be an option this year.  To this date, it has been seven weeks since David walked out and chose his family over our family and it has been (I think) something like three weeks since David has actually answered any of my communications or outreach.

Last night, my sister-in-law said, "It's time.  You need to get out of the house.  You need to move on." I'm not sure I 100% agree with the "moving on" part, as I can see all the mitigating factors that contribute to David's decision.  But, she is right in one regard - I can't control the opposition I am facing.  I can only take advantage of the opportunities opposition is granting.

In the seven weeks since David decided our relationship was not greater than his current home life, I have grown in so many ways.  As is usual in these types of circumstances (i.e., death, divorce, separations, etc.), our prayer life and faith increase.  Most of us even grow more intimate with God, more in tune with our daily activities, thoughts, and decisions.  Without that key person in our life to lean on, we start to lean on God a little bit more heavily.  God lifts us up through our sorrow and grief and lets us see the world is not all dark.  There is still light and hope.

Opposition = Opportunity

We grow closer to family members or friends we may not have reached out to as much before.  We begin to venture out and do things we might not have done before.  We pick up old activities.

We can't stay inside forever and mourn our loss or hope opposition will give up and free the people it has trapped within its walls.

But we can pray.  And yes, Jesus will always represent hope.  But, as in my particular situation, we can't hold on to the opposition and beat it up with the hope it will dissipate.  We can only move forward, leave our requests at God's altar, and let Him take care of the opposition.

Luke 17:1 says, "Jesus said to his disciples: “Things that cause people to stumble are bound to come, but woe to anyone through whom they come.

Jesus said we are going to stumble - there's no avoiding it.  But - we need to let HIM take care of the opposition.  So if we believe the Bible is the inerrant word of God, then that's what we have to do.

We have to move forward and trust God to take care of the opposition.  God has a plan for us and our lives, and we can't hide away waiting for the opposition - the cause of our stumble - to fall away.  God will handle that.  Our job is to keep going.

Jentezen Franklin puts it this way:

Offenses are inevitable. No one is exempt. One way or another, we are all going to get offended, hurt, insulted, betrayed, cheated, shamed, violated, or lose our pride.

Since being offended is a Biblical fact, we must learn how to deal with it.

Opposition can cause you to face things and do things you could not have done without the opposition. Opposition will make you pray. Opposition will make you come running to God. Opposition will make you increase your faith.

You may need to start seeing those who offend or hurt you as an opportunity for God to take you higher.

Right now, the Holy Spirit is pulling into your driveway. He is coming for you. He is swooping into your home with a defibrillator. Charging the paddles with resurrection power, God is ready to press them down on your heart and shock you back to life. He is ready to revive whoever has been dead to you. He is ready to resuscitate your marriage. He is ready to resuscitate your family. He is ready to resuscitate your spirit.

It is time to restart your heart.

God can use the most trying of circumstances to fortify the walls of your marriage, your family, and your relationship with Him.

Did you get that?

"God is ready.  He is ready to resuscitate your spirit.  Start seeing those who offend or hurt you as an opportunity for God to take you higher."

Leave the offender to God's doing.  Leave the attacker to God's hand.  But at the same time, get ready.  God is coming, and He is resuscitating your Spirit.  Look for the opportunities He has provided.  Get ready to go higher.

I know I am going to do that.  I'm not going to keep staring at my phone, my laptop, or even my front door waiting for David to come back, choose US, or fight for our future.

I am leaving the offenders - through whom the stumbling block came - at God's feet and then, I'm walking away.

I'm going to look for the opportunities God is providing that will take me to a higher plane than the one the devil tried to kill and snuff out with his oppositions.

Don't let the devil rob you of your joy.  It is Biblical that in this life we will trip and stumble.  We will get hurt.  But don't give the devil at seat at your table.  Leave that seat open for God.

I will always keep joy and hope alive in my heart, but I will have to "move on" as my sister-in-law told me last night.  The offender may have stolen my future, but he will not keep me locked in his cell.  I choose to restart and embrace joyful opportunities.

* * *

"Dear God, thank you this morning for wise words to guide us.  I pray that the offender will lose its grip on my family and joy will be restored to our home.  I pray that David will be able to channel his inner Warrior and sense of sportsmanship, grasping victory on the playing field.  I pray that you grant him peace, answers, and wisdom today.  And most of all, I pray his fierce sense of competition is revived and resuscitated within him.  Let his leadership and energy used on the playing field transfer over to his personal walk with You and our family restoration.

I pray you keep him safe on the roads of Lumpkin County today, and that he touches everyone he meets.

I pray for all three of my men - David, Tony, & Josh.  That you keep them safe today, that you grant them wisdom and good choices, and that you put great Christian mentors in their lives to teach and and guide them.  I also pray that you circle and surround them with amazing Christian friends and peers that will open Scripture and the world of Christianity to them so that their knowledge and desire for You will grow stronger each day.

Thank you for all the many blessings you bestow upon me each day.  May I never lose sight of what you have given me, and may I never lose sight that it all belongs to you and should be used for your glory.

Amen."