This has been a hard morning, following a hard night.
Last night at 11:30 pm, my son left to head back home to Missouri and the USAF.
Josh had not been home in almost two years, and this visit - although a short five days - was better than any of us could have imagined.
Josh has grown and matured and is a natural talker (much like his Father). My heart broke (as I knew it would) when I walked back into a quiet and empty house.
There are seven more days left of Winter Break. I will need to fill them with activities, home projects, and more to help keep my Spirit and countenance full.
I knew that Josh's leaving on top of my feelings for David would be a hard combination to work through. Two pieces of my heart missing. And so, I wasn't surprised when my body would wake up at 4:30 and then 6:30 and then again at 7:30. I am drained and tired.
I need to get back to walking, yoga, and so much more.
I wasn't surprised when I tried to pray and talk to God and I kept falling asleep. I wasn't surprised when I finally broke down and gave in to the tears at 8:30, kneeling by the couch to pray and cry out to God - for myself, for my boys, and for David.
So many feelings. So many people needing intercession and prayer. Protection and guidance...
Finally wiping the tears away and pouring the day's first cup of coffee, I opened up my Christine Caine book and read what I am going to share below.
I needed to read this. God needed to speak to my SOUL. But also - while reading it, all it kept bringing to mind was David.
I pray that although David has blocked me everywhere, he still remembers this blog and comes to read it from time to time. This post is for him. This Bible verse is for him.
The devotion below may be for you as well if you are reading this and struggling today. I'm not sure who else God may be using this writing for...
I know who I am posting it for and who was brought to mind over and over again as I read. Yes, some of it was applicable to myself - but my prayer is that David stumbles upon this post at some point in his life and it touches his heart and Spirit as it did mine.
God has a process and a plan in place. We can't always see it until we have passed it and reached our destination. I don't know where I'm traveling to today. I'm just praying I make it through the hours of the day. As one of my prayer partners told me yesterday, "Debbie, you are going to live whether you want to or not! You will get through this and come out on the other side even better than before! Embrace this time with the Lord." Amen.
2 Timothy 1:7
God has not given you a Spirit of FEAR, but one of POWER, LOVE, and SOUND JUDGMENT.
When the Covid-19 pandemic first started, I remember going to the store one day and being shocked at the empty shelves. I remember overhearing conversations as I waited in the long line at the checkout. While some people had much to say and others very little, what couldn't be missed was the fear in their voices.
On my drive home, I couldn't help but think about it, and when I did, that, same spirit of fear began to invade my mind. I thought of my girls and how all this could affect them. They'd already been sent home from school to learn online. They'd already been separated from their friends and routines. We were all adapting to a whole new way of life minute by minute.
As I pulled into the driveway, deep down, I knew I couldn't go in the house in such a state. I had to stop and rein it all in. For Nick. For the girls. For my own piece of mine. So, doing what I had done a thousand times before, I put my hand to my forehead, and I started talking too myself: "Christine, God has not given you a spirit of fear but of LOVE, POWER, and a SOUND MIND. You might not understand what is happening, but the one thing you know is that God has never failed you before, and he is not about to start now, so you know you can trust him now."
I understand you might think this is a strange ritual, but it is a practice I have developed over the years. When I have a decision to make. When I need answers in a tough situation. When my thoughts begin to spiral, my heart starts to race, and my palms go damp. When everything feels out of my control, and fear wants to take complete control. When I need to endure in faith.
In every battle we face, are fiercest enemy is fear, and the devil knows it. That's why he's always ready to foster it and reinforce it. If we don't learn how to overcome its power, then it can defeat us every time. It can even develop into chronic conditions that manifest in our bodies and minds, such as anxiety, panic attacks, incessant worry, or sleepless nights. If you have ever suffered from any of fear's debilitating effects, you know that the symptoms are very real.
But God has not given us a spirit of fear. He has given us POWER, LOVE, and SOUND JUDGMENT. The Bible translation I first memorized calls it a sound mind, which is why I quoted it that way to myself. I do my best to use God's Word to defeat fear where the battle always begins - in my mind.
What about you? Have you learned to fight the battle in your mind and for your mind? Have you learned to wield God's Word against the fear that tries to take over? Today's verse is a strong declaration to remind yourself that God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND MIND.
Heavenly Father, thank you that you have not given me a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. Help me remember this and keep trusting in You more in Jesus name, Amen.
*The above is quoted from Christine Caine's newest devotion book, You're Not Finished Yet. Below is my Amazon Associate link, if you would like to order. I love reading Christine Caine. She is always right on time, Biblically-centered and accurate, and a great inspiration to all of our Spiritual walks and growth.
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