Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

 

Matthew 11:28-30:

"Come to me, all who labor & are heavy laden, & I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you & learn from me, for I am gentle & lowly in heart, & you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, & my burden is light."

It's a dreary, cold, & rainy Saturday morning today.

I've already been to the park to walk/run my miles, and I've made breakfast and watched a Christmas movie.

My agenda today is to start decorating for Christmas.  But honestly, I have no desire to do it.  Lately, my heart has been sad, and I'm just not into it yet this year. I feel like the joy has been sucked out of my life for a season.

My prayer partners and inner circle of best girlfriends and family know I am in a season of waiting. And to be honest and transparent here, it sucks - for so many reasons.

Have you ever been here?  It could be for anything.  Health diagnoses, relationship issues, or work-related situations.  It's not a fun place to be.

One day, you are learning and growing and the next minute or even the next day, you could be right back to being broken and wondering why God isn't changing things.

I read this prayer today, and it really touched my heart:

"Father, you are gentle and humble in heart, and you invite me to come to you when I’m weary and burdened. You lead me to a better way. Make me more like you. Open up my eyes to the beauty in this journey of waiting, help me to draw closer to you, and to become more patient. Help me to learn how to rest, wait, listen, and renew. Amen."

I love that - Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.  Interesting series of actions.

The prayer above says "help me...to become more patient..." I've never personally prayed for patience.  In church, we've always been taught to not pray for patience because the Lord will readily oblige and teach you!  Ha! But, I guess, within our seasons of waiting, patience is something that is absolutely necessary.

Over the last two months, I have been sitting through a period of "time and space." I have had my two prayer partners pray over me in written messages as well as over the phone.  The prayers have been beautiful and well-spoken.  They have covered me with love and God's Words. Both men have shared their personal testimonies with me, as well as given good sound and Godly advice.

I have been blessed with these two prayer partners, and I am so grateful God has given them to me.

Along with receiving Godly prayer partners during my season of "time and space," God has also opened a few beautiful doors for me within my house of worship - new serving opportunities; new groups to join for fellowship and learning God's Word; and a renewed love of attending church, worshipping, and learning.

But if you've been through a season of waiting, you know that God's blessings still do not make your period of "rest, wait, listen, and renew" a piece of cake or easier.

It's always hard during these seasons - feelings and thoughts of what your heart wants, asking God where He is and why He isn't showing up, and having Him remain silent on the other end - all struggles mixed in with the blessings He presents us with during this time.

I suppose it is in times of waiting we should strive to become more like Peter.  Remember when Peter tried to walk across the raging waves and sea to meet Jesus out on the water?  He was safe and stayed afloat when his eyes remained on Jesus, but the second he turned away from Jesus, he began to sink.

I think that's what most of us feel like during our seasons of waiting, especially on those days (like today) that are "empty" of any errands or appointments.  I always tend to think on these days, "Well, Jesus.  Here I am.  I've got plenty of time today to work on this thing.  Are you going to open a door or not?"

Lordy.  I'm sure Jesus must get a laugh out of our thought processes, questions, and "little demands."

We are taking our eyes off the PROCESS and Jesus and turning our gaze to the OUTCOME or problem at hand.  And that's when, like Peter, we start to sink.

My prayers remain the same each day.  I pray for change.  I pray for my loved ones.  I pray for protection.  I pray for release.  I thank Jesus for my salvation, forgiving me for my sins, and for creating new life in me.

As a matter of fact, as I was discussing prayer life with one of my prayer partners a few nights ago, we talked about how there is no magic formula for praying.  No special combination of words or actions that automatically prompt Jesus to answer our prayers.

We can pray for God's Will to be done.  We can pray for demonic forces to release those we love.  We can pray for protection over those we love. We can pray for release.  We can pray for doors to open.  We can pray for help and healing in certain situations, but - there will never be any special combination of words or actions that God magically responds to.

Rest. Wait. Listen. Renew.

Write those words down and remember them. Those are the periods of "fire" we have to walk through.  It may take days...or weeks...or as in my prayer partner's situation, years.

But in the end, God will renew us.

It will be His Will and His way, and we will continue to embrace the PROCESS instead of taking our eyes off Him to focus on the outcome we desire.

Trust me, Jesus knows ALL our thoughts and prayers, and He will still do what is best for us, regardless.

I'll sum up today's post with this...

Christian Pastor, speaker, & author John Ortberg says, “Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.”

So in the heartbreak of your "time and space" seasons of life, remember this:  REST - WAIT - LISTEN - RENEW - "Waiting is the part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be."

"Father God, I lift up this season of "time and space" and give it to you.  You have heard my prayers.  You know my heart.  I pray that you help me to remember to embrace your PROCESS and not focus on the OUTCOME I desire.  I know what you offer and give to us is what will be the very best for us, even if we can't always see it.

I pray we keep our gaze on you and not what other people think or do to us.  That you bless us and open beautiful doors in our seasons of waiting.  I will trust you to keep instilling wisdom and peace into my heart when evil wants to keep hurt there instead.  It's a hard, long process, and we can't always see or feel you.  We may sometimes wonder where you are and why you aren't answering us, but FAITH says you are always near and always listening.  May we remember these words you teach us and KNOW you will bring us through our seasons.  Amen."

Samaria

 

Good morning friends.

I didn't think I was going to write today.  Read God's Word this morning, and there it was.  Like it always is.

One sentence.  Seven words:

John 4:4, "Now He had to go through Samaria."

Seven is the number of completion in the Bible.  Did you know that?

And (yes, another mind-blowing moment here) that verse is seven words.  Wow.  Mind blown.  Again.

How does Samaria tie into our journey down the road of being single?  Well, let's look at it.

Scripture doesn't say why Jesus had to go through Samaria, just that He "had" to go.  Do you think it's possible He was planning all along to meet the woman at the well?

Scripture tells us the woman at the well already had five previous husbands (keep that number in mind) and she was currently living with man six, who was not her husband.  (Five plus one equals six.)

Then comes man number seven.  Jesus.

The number of completion.  Are you seeing what I am seeing?

Even the verse in Scripture that tells us where Jesus is headed is a number of completion.  Please don't ever think Scripture is not woven together beautifully.  It is God-ordained and perfect.  It is without error.  It is inerrant.

This small and so familiar story is again Jesus and Scripture saying, "You are SEEN.  You matter."

Again, Jesus focuses on a single woman, the least of the least.  So least, she went to get her water from the well when no one else was there.  She was looked down on by society for the number of men she had been with (and still with) over the course of her life up until this time.

Yet, we see our beautiful Savior approach her and single her out.  He is man number seven, and He completes her.

John 4:26, "Then Jesus declared, "I, the one speaking to you, I am He."

As a single, life just seems to be harder sometimes.  Like I wrote earlier, sometimes you think about what it must be like to have someone at your side to start and end your days.  You think about those times (such as myself last night) when you are so tired and sick you can barely stand up.  Can you take care of yourself?  Maybe.  But when you are single, you think about these situations and how having that partner in your life would help make life more palatable.

And then there's Jesus.  He comes along, very quietly, when we are in a valley and whispers to our soul, "...I am He."  Man number seven.

How amazing is this story?  A single woman, the least of the least - a person whom society had tossed aside as no good and not worthy - and Jesus goes to Samaria (think back to verse 4 above, "...He had to go to Samaria.") to complete her.

Yesterday, as I was pushing my (now defunct self-propelled) lawn mower up my front yard hill, the temperature was growing closer to 80 and my 57-year old body was growing weak.  I keep thinking to myself, "I can do this.  It's only an hour of hard work and then the front yard will look great and I'll be done."  (Cutting the grass is a great time for pondering thoughts and thinking and - well, as I was about to find out - listening.)

I found myself going up and down that hill, sweating - heart beating stronger - trying to maintain a controlled breathing pattern - taking one step after another and still thinking, "I'm almost done. If Arthur Blessit could carry his cross up those sand dunes and throw that snow storm, I can cut this grass."

As I climbed that hill and continued to work in the front yard, my mind keep wondering back to a current life situation and how I should handle it.  Suddenly, while cutting around and under an older and large apple tree, I heard God say, "You don't worry about (this person), I will handle (this person).  You look at me and focus on me.  Keep taking one step after another where I lead you."

If I'm being honest, I will say that I then had this brief conversation with God at that moment...  "Lord, I'm so sorry.  I just keep forgetting about you.  I am so focused on what I need to say or what I need to do, I just don't think about you."

If the woman at the well were being honest, she forgot about God too - or maybe she just never knew Him (although she did tell Jesus she heard the Christ was coming!)...

I love that the God we serve always takes the time to come to us where we are.  "...He had to go through Samaria."  Jesus is man number seven, and He completes us.  Never forget that.

Jesus SEES US.  We are SEEN.  Seven words.  Completion.

Remember, He is never late and is always on time!

 

To Be Human

 

Happy Thursday.

We've almost made it.  When you didn't think you could.  You did.

This morning I sat down with my coffee and a To Do list a mile long, and I opened my laptop.  In the back of mind, I thought, "My devotion I'm working through is on its last day.  What am I going to read next?  I'm not in a valley - there's no subject weighing on my mind - I don't really feel the Spirit.  What am I going to do?"

I pushed the thought aside and clicked on the last day of my daily devotional study and started reading.  Here is what I read:

"In our most private moments, we want to scream words we don’t use around our Bible friends at the unfairness of it all. But then there are more hopeful moments… where we want to turn up the praise music, lift up honest prayers, and declare that God is good."

Hmmm...that did strike a note with me today and took me back to a memory from a few weeks ago.  A situation and conversation I had with my oldest son, Tony.

You know, normally I journal my own, personal journey - mostly for my own memory's sake.  But this morning - the Lord took me to my children.  Actually, my children centered around my prayers starting last night.  So, I guess this morning was just a continuation...and I guess my children needed me to cover them in prayer.  Maybe this was God's gentle nudging to my Mama's heart...

I continued to read the words quoted above and as I did, I was reminded of a conversation I had a few weeks ago.  My part of the conversation started out like this, "...your Mother is about to get un-churchy.  I'm about to say something to you that isn't churchlike so get ready."  And off I went, giving my advice that didn't sound churchy and was laced with a few choice cuss words.  

I don't regret it.

Sometimes, real conversations require harsh words to convey the rawness of your emotions at the time.  In this conversation with a struggling son, I had to use "words we don't use around our Bible friends."  And that's okay.  The situation warranted it.

If you read Psalm 40, you will see that David - one of the pillars our faith and a main character in our Bible - struggled with situations that were hurtful and hard...and human.

In verses 11 through 17, we see David hurting and crying out to God for help: 

"Hoping doesn’t mean we ignore reality. No; hoping means we acknowledge reality in the very same breath that we acknowledge God’s sovereignty.

Our hope can’t be tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. Our hope must be tied to the unchanging promise of God. We hope for the good we know God will ultimately bring from our situation, whether the good turns out to match our desires or not. And sometimes that takes a while. The process will most likely require us to be persevering. Patient. Maybe even longsuffering."

David praises God one minute, and in the next breath, he is crying out to Him for help and direction.  Now, I'm not saying that David used words like maybe you and I would, but he is certainly someone we can look to - that we know God loved deeply and yet, God still permitted him to sink to a low that was full of despair and hopelessness.  A point in his life where he just didn't have any answers or saw any hope.

Now, I'm not comparing David's life or death situation with my son's, but what I am saying is that in our human situations, we can cry out to God with our hurts and our questions.  We can pray and ask God to change the person we are struggling with, but ultimately, we must lay our struggles at the base of the Cross. And after we lay those questions at the Cross, we will need to circle back to having our hope tied to GOD and not the person or situation we are struggling with.  God gives us the promise of HOPE, not a person.

Laying your burdens at the Cross may or may not bring you the answer you desire, but that doesn't mean God isn't listening or even crafting out your valley to orchestrate a greater good and purpose.

I can't understand the decisions my son makes in regards to a person he is struggling with.  I can only give my advice and send him back out into the world.  I know only God can give him the hope and peace he needs and seeks.  Not the person he is struggling with.

I want the promised blessing of Psalm 40:4: “Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust.” I forget that this kind of trusting in God is often forged in the crucible of longsuffering. God isn’t picking on me. God is picking me to personally live out one of His promises.

It’s a high honor. But it doesn’t always feel that way. I’ve got to walk through the low places of the process before I’m perfectly equipped to live the promise."

We all want the promises and blessings of God.  But keep in mind, like it is written above - sometimes, you will have to go through hard times to receive God's blessings.  I pray that is the situation with my son - that these times of young adulthood he is struggling through will eventually make him a man of determination, character, and maturity in his 30s and 40s.

Youth is hard.

I wish I had, in my 20s, the same maturity and eyes of faith I do now.  Sometimes, God takes a long time in crafting us, and as Parents, it's hard to watch the young people in our lives struggle.  We can see the crafting and answers of God from the outside, but we can't do the crafting and answering ourselves.  Only God can do these things, and the timing we have for our children's lives may be vastly different than God's.

Psalm 40, verse 1 says, "I waited patiently for the Lord."  A few verses later, the Scripture reads, "He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock..."

My devotion this morning says that the word “set” in the original Hebrew is qum.  Qum means arise or take a stand.

So while we are waiting patiently (an ongoing and active state) for God to take us through our struggles and valleys, we read He will lift us up and out of our situation to SET us on the rock.

Did you read that like I did?  Let's read it one more time - set us on the rock.

He will set us on a rock.  He "drew me up" and "set my feet upon a rock."

Keep that in mind.  And I will too, as I continue to counsel, talk to, and pray for my son.  It is okay to be frustrated and not understand when people in our lives cause us grief or frustration - struggles.  God is taking you through this period to bring you to a greater place of answers and glory.

He is listening. So keep crying out to Him.  Keep pleading your case, asking your questions.  It's okay to talk to Him, argue with Him, and question Him.  Our patriarchal Fathers did in the Old Testament.  If they could do those things, then we can too.  Don't be afraid to plead your case before God and lay your life before the Cross.

Remember and commit to your heart - Psalm 40.  Our hope isn't tied to a person.  It is tied to a Holy God.  As David wrote, "He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock..."

We live through our "pit of destructions" for greater good.  We may never see the end result or even understand it, but Psalm 40 is still there - God will "set" your feet on the rock.  He has promised!

Hold fast my friends.  Pray for your loved ones.  Pray for your children.  Pray this Psalm over them and yourself.

Isn't it so wonderful that no matter how long we have been a Christian or how many times we have read the Bible, God can still take a single sentence of Scripture and make it new to us?

This is what I love about the Bible.  It is thousands of years old and yet, it still speaks to us today!

Do your homework this Thursday morning - Read Psalm 40.  It will change your life.

It's Not Impossible

 

This week, I had lunch with a college friend.  We then spent the afternoon together exploring her beautiful little city's Main Street.

I met Cheryl in college at probably 18 or 19 years old back in 1984.  We lived together for a brief (very brief) moment in time before each moving back home, getting married, and having children.

We now live an hour away from each other, but after reconnecting at friend's funeral recently, we made the conscious decision to stay in touch.

I love my friend.  She is kind.  She is gentle.  She is beautiful.  If I could morph into anyone, it would be Cheryl.

As Cheryl drove us around this week, we talked about our lives - our children in particular.  How our now older selves can look back on the younger versions of us and see (maybe) how naïve we were as Moms and maybe some things we would have and could have done differently.  Still, here we are today.  

Many of our children have chosen paths for themselves outside our belief system or are living in a way we feel could be improved upon.  STILL, they are our babies.  God gave them to us, and we love them with everything fierce inside us.

We realize God will take whatever decisions we have made in life and give us the path He wants for us.  The glorious thing about God is that He creates the people He loves with free will, something not everyone can grasp or understand.  God didn't create us to do everything perfectly.  If He had, he would have just created robots, not humans with feelings and emotions.

And that's why we love our babies and our families fiercely.  Because, just as God loves us so much, He also loves our family members with that same love.  No matter what they choose to believe or the path they chose to walk, God is silently there beside them.  Waiting.  Giving them opportunities to meet Him they aren't even aware of (yet).

So, today's devotion strikes me especially tender and at my heart's core because it talks about the things Cheryl and I rambled on about together (as girlfriends do) while sipping Black Bear coffee together (in that adorable little Main Street coffee shop, full of vintage floors, ceilings, and charm).

Pictures Courtesy of Coffee Camper FB page.

Today's devotion reflects on how God works.  We, as believers, just keep praying and walking and believing.  It's what we do, and eventually, God's love will work its way through to those in our paths.

I know we're not perfect.  I fail daily.

But I love this sweet story of two sisters.  It shows that even in our failures, God is there.  He is always there and waiting.

I hope you enjoy this devotion; it is a gentle reminder that God is good and hope is always there, even when we can't see it.

Thank you Cheryl for always being so kind and so sweet.  I wish I possessed a tenth of who you are.  I love you, and I will always love our time together.

"Praying for the Impossible

I sat beside my youngest sister and listened as she boldly rejected my views of God. She’s always been a free spirit, much too unconventional for traditional religion.

“Good thing I’m not into religion,” I gently replied.

She twisted her face and took exception, “But you are religious.”

I laid my head against the back of the lounge chair, closed my eyes to the sun now washing over me and simply replied, “Nope.”

When she asked me to clarify, I explained that I follow God, not a list of rules. I am passionate about getting into the Bible—God’s teachings—and I let my feelings and experiences be evaluated in light of God’s Word.

I took my sister’s hand and told her I’d be praying for God to mess with her in ways too bold for her to deny.

Fast-forward five years. My sister walked into her professor’s office and saw one of my books. And it messed with her.

She went home, poked around my blog and listened to my testimony. God’s Word messed with her so much that she let the possibility that God exists slip into her heart.

A few days later she went and had Jeremiah 29:11 tattooed on the back of her neck. And she called, wanting to talk to me about life, tattoos and God.

Then one day, I stood in the middle of the Atlanta airport praying for this precious girl. She called. She asked. That’s the miracle of our Jesus. He is the God of the impossible.

Let’s dare to ask God for the impossible a little more often."

Restoration

 

"Some years are harder than others. Some eras are harsher than we ever imagined. It is with this in mind that we approach the above passage. All of Israel was looking to the future; the coming of the Messiah. His purpose in coming was to redeem God’s people.

As Christ’s followers, we believe that they were looking for the coming of Jesus and that He was the fulfillment of the promised Messiah. As I have stated in previous devotions, during the Christmas season we remember and celebrate the birth of Jesus, but we also look forward to His return.

I want us to take an even deeper look at this passage from the point of view of the watchmen. The watchmen sit perched on the ruined walls of Jerusalem and off in the distance they see the “messenger who brings good news.” They break into shouts and singing because they see the Lord returning.

What is the good news that the messenger brings? Jesus himself told us what the good news was: that the captives would be released, the blind would see, oppressed set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor had come. In Luke 4, He quotes from Isaiah.

Has this been a hard year for you? You may feel like your life is like Jerusalem, lying in ruins, or maybe in simple disrepair. I have news for you…we can look out from the walls of a ruined life and see the messenger who brings good news. Your expectations this Christmas should be the expectation of restoration, reconciliation, and victory.

Recognize this: The restoration of life is hard work and takes time, but our God offers us the strength to get though it. He promises to walk with us every step of the way."

"This is the way the body of Christ is supposed to work. God speaks, we listen, he confirms, we obey and he gives us the strength to do amazing things.

Many shrug and make excuses. But one jumps up and in complete abandon says, “Me, Lord! Me! Pick me! I am willing!” God smiles, scoops her up, brings her into his loving embrace, and whispers back, “Well done my child … I am so pleased. I will give you the strength to do this. Do not be afraid, I will be with you."

It's Christmas Eve.  In our family, it's the one day we all get together.

Can we get together other times?  Yes.  Do we speak at other times?  Yes.

But on this one night, we all gather from each of our super busy lives and gather under one roof  to hug, kiss, smile, laugh, and yes - eat.  I look forward to it all year.  It's the one date set in stone that never changes.

Yet, this Winter Break has not been easy for me inside my core being.  I am struggling.  Some of you that read this and keep up with my journaling, know why and my path.  I've been on a journey the past two months.

Emotional.  Mental.  A journey of the heart and mind.  And that's okay.  I've grown and learned so much from this road traveled.

But this morning, my heart hurts.  I had hopes for a good Winter Break and Christmas week.  But what often lives in my head and heart does not always come to fruition in real life.

And again.  That's okay.  I am alone, but I am not alone.  I have family and friends that surround me.  I know I am being held and loved.  But sometimes, that picture perfect, Norman Rockwell painting we hold inside our mind's eye, does not exist - and we have to accept that God has not allowed it to exist yet for a reason.

I bowed my head this morning in prayer.  I should have been on my exercise bike riding.  I should be wrapping presents.  I should be showering.  I should be...well, you get the idea.  It's Christmas Eve.  There is a list of things to be done today.  Instead, I turned on the Christmas lights throughout the house; fed my furry companions; brewed my first cup of coffee; walked to the basement; turned on the fireplace; and opened my laptop.  Then, I just bowed my head and silently cried to out to God.

"Change my perspective Lord.  Let me focus on YOU and your birthday celebrations today and tomorrow.  Let me pray for those I am focused on as being less than.  Let me pray for my children.  ...And can You actually give me in Your Word this morning what I need to hear?  Maybe this is why I didn't get to my devotions yesterday or read as I should have and normally do.  Maybe You were saving your Words and wisdom for me today."

So, I opened my devotions and read these words, "Has this been a hard year for you? You may feel like your life is like Jerusalem, lying in ruins, or maybe in simple disrepair. I have news for you…we can look out from the walls of a ruined life and see the messenger who brings good news. Your expectations this Christmas should be the expectation of restoration, reconciliation, and victory.

Recognize this: The restoration of life is hard work and takes time, but our God offers us the strength to get though it. He promises to walk with us every step of the way."

"This is the way the body of Christ is supposed to work. God speaks, we listen, he confirms, we obey and he gives us the strength to do amazing things."

Wow.  BUT GOD.

Always right on time and with what we need.

You know, when it's been hard in life, my natural inclination is always to disappear.  To leave.  Hang up the phone.  Leave the party.  Walk away from a relationship.  It's what I do and what I need to do to move away from a toxicity of a situation and give myself time to regroup, think, and pray.

But this morning, God said, "The restoration of life is hard work and takes time."

I'm trying really hard to be patient - years in fact - I've been trying.  I know God gives me the strength, and I am trying so hard to listen so that amazing things can be worked through my life for both myself and for others.

This morning, I am thankful for my furry companions - each of their little personalities so different and each pouring out to me what I need always at just the right time.  One wants to be close, one wants to wrestle, one wants to acknowledged.  I do love them.  Each so special in the way and personality God gave them.

I am thankful for an electric fireplace because the wood is wet outside and I don't want to go out and gather it to build a real, wood fire upstairs (although it would have been wonderful to gather around the hearth these last few super cold days with furry companions or loved ones).  I am thankful for a home that is filled with Christmas decorations, music, and movies.  I am thankful my home is filled with food and beverage - and is warm!

But, even admist these blessings, God knows my heart and what it carries.  I miss my boys because they are not home for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year.  I miss a partner that is present and makes me feel like I matter and am first in their life.  I miss my Parents and the joy and love they brought to my life.

BUT GOD.

My sadness is temporal and worldly.  It is selfish and of this world and only a temporary feeling.  I know my boys will be home soon.  I know my family is waiting for me at church later today and more family will be gathering tonight.  I know Christmas Day is going to be filled with the friends and family I love most and can't wait to see.  I know God is crafting and creating a person for me that will one day stand beside me as a partner.  I know my Parents are in Glory with perfect bodies - no more Parkinson's Disease - and with all the people and animals they love most.  I would never dare ask them to return.

So, this morning, I journal to empty myself of sadness and "missed" experiences.  To rid myself of being focused on self.  ...And to remind myself that this weekend, we celebrate the birthday of the Highest King.  Our Savior.  Our Lord.  The birth of Jesus.

BUT GOD.

It's not about me.  It never was.  It has always been about Jesus.  And I am thankful for a God and a Savior that meets me right, exactly where I am.  He listens, He speaks, and He RESTORES.  Restoration takes time and hard work.  I am so blessed to hear, listen, and obey.  Thank you Jesus.

Happy Birthday!    We celebrate YOU today!

Grieving

 

I sat down to read this morning.

...maybe three hours ago.

I pushed it off, getting entangled in all the things on my list to do today.  (I'm still procrastinating on making the holiday grocery list...)  Texts, emails, tasks.  Some checked off the list three hours later; still some still to be tackled.

I didn't want to read, but I did.  I didn't want any answers or comfort, but I did.

Grief is just funny that way.  And grief comes in so many forms.  Death.  Separations.  Divorce.  I can't tell you the number of family and friends surrounding me that are struggling with some type of grief.  It seems grief is one of the most popular tools of the enemy.  

The enemy uses it to distract us, mire us, take us off path, and most importantly - destroy us.

But grief can also be used by God to heal us, grow us, and bind us.  As I sat down, a little broken this morning, to read, I opened up my Lysa T. devotional and read this.  I mean, really God.  Are you kidding me?  Today's devotion is on grief?  (I don't know when I will stop asking God that question.  I shouldn't be surprised anymore with what He throws my way.)

From Real Life by Lysa T.:

"I desperately longed for God to fix things. To take away my bloodshot eyes. To take away my anger toward him. To take away my guilt for being the one that lived. I felt I didn’t deserve to be happy, ever again.

This is the reality of deep grief. Even when you love God and believe in his promises, healing takes time.

It takes wading through an ocean of tears.

It takes discovering one day that the sun still shines and it’s okay to smile.

It takes prayer, and a decision to stop asking for answers and start asking for perspective.

Then one day you take off the blanket of deep grief. You fold it neatly and tuck it away. You no longer hate it or resist it. For underneath it, wondrous things have happened. Things that can only come about when Divine hope intersects with a broken world.

And finally you can see years stretching before you once again. You look up, blow a kiss, wipe a tear and find it’s still possible to dance."

How profound are those words?  "It takes prayer and a decision to stop asking for ANSWERS and start asking for PERSPECTIVE."

I find that happens to me frequently.  I will sit or lie down, maybe teary-eyed, and begin to try and wade through feelings, thoughts, and prayers.  And then, it hits me - perspective. "I hear you God.  I got it."

Sometimes, you wipe the tears and see perspective out before you.  You understand that healing takes time.

This morning, I called my (very busy) brother to ask for a simple prayer and for some objective perspective.  I wanted to check myself that I was not mired in self-pity, self-destruction, or anything else "self" related.

Sometimes, it's not only good to lay our grief at the Cross but to also share with those in our inner circles (that can be trusted) to make sure we are not self-destructing and we are healing properly.  That we are staying healthy.

I know grief takes time.  I know the Cross heals.  But for each of us on this journey, each path will be different.

I want to always make sure I am on God's path and walking where I need to be.  Life is way too busy, and it's so easy to get off God's path and led astray down the enemy's path instead.  I don't want to feel like I am always looking for the negative.  I don't want to "coerce" people into decisions that alleviate my grief.  I just want to know I am listening to God and following His rules and regulations and the plan He has for my life.

Thank goodness the Bible provides so much Scripture to help us when we are struggling.

Thank you, Jesus, for the ability to lay our grief at the Cross when we come to those points in life.  We know it is not the end of the road, but a blanket that you will fold neatly and tuck away in time.

We know under the blanket there will be wonderful things waiting to happen that will bloom from the dirt of sadness.  Thank you for giving hope in our broken world.

The God of the Impossible

 

I was sitting down this morning, frustrated in how my morning was going.  I slept in (6:30 a.m. for me), so I missed the "dark" part of the morning.  The part of day where I find myself to be the most creative and the most open to listening.  I had already reheated my cold cup of coffee twice.  My cat plopped himself right on top of my desk, right between my coffee cup - my piles - and my laptop.  My foot was swollen and hurting more (see my most recent Instagram post for that update).  To say I was in a crappy mood was an understatement.

I scrolled through my social media accounts, DM'd a few girlfriends funny posts, and texted back and forth with a few people.  Not exactly the order I do things each morning, but my mood was not allowing for much more.

I "reluctantly" turned over to my "Jesus time," thinking, "It's morning.  I gotta do it."  And then this...

Luke 1:38.  Mary's very short and succinct word to the Angel standing before her, "I am the Lord's servant.  May your word to me be fulfilled."  Ouch.

I'm pretty sure Mary's spoken response to the Lord's Angel was not intended to "zing" us, but as with all Scripture, it is fluid and it changes.  You can read a story one day and it not affect you at all, and then you may read it another day when you are struggling with something, and BAM!  It is suddenly full of meaning.

Hence, today's reading.

Mary said, "I am the Lord's servant.  May your word to me be fulfilled."

She was 16 you guys.  SIXTEEN.  How many 16-year olds have that kind of maturity?  Some maybe.  But not a great majority I don't think.  Yet, it was a different time and so much more was expected of 16-year olds in Mary's day.

She was pledged to be married already and GOD (yes, GOD) chose her to bear His son.  AT SIXTEEN.  Stop and digest that a minute.  Can you even imagine that at 16?  I know I can't.  I was an entirely different person at 16, and I certainly didn't know the Lord on the personal level I do now.  I cannot imagine being pledged to marry someone or an Angel of the Lord appearing to me.

Wow, what a beautiful soul Mary must have been.

And yet, all she is recorded as saying is, "I am the Lord's servant.  May your word to me be fulfilled."

As I read my devotion today (below for those of you that need a word this morning), that's the one thing I came away with.  

No matter what is going on in your life.  No matter what physical, emotional, or mental battle you are struggling with - the ONLY thing you have to do is SERVE GOD today.  

So I am going to take Mary's words today and apply it to myself, "I am your servant Lord.  May your Word to me be fulfilled."  Change my attitude today - embrace the late start, the cold coffee sitting in the microwave, and the cat who has his head on my computer mouse and paw on my screen.

It's one week, exactly, before Christmas, and I have a LIST like the rest of my family and friends - but instead of embracing the crappy feelings swelling up inside of me and possibly swirling downhill, I'm going to try and refocus and redirect on Mary today.  Try to embrace the person she was - her true, inner core of a person.

Sometimes, Mary gets looked over all and by-passed too quickly in the story of Jesus.  Today, let's embrace those two simple sentences the Holy Spirit thought were important enough to be included in Scripture.  I think they can make a difference.

“The God of the Impossible”

As we move forward through the Christmas season, we realize even in the simple beginning of the story of Jesus’ conception and birth, God is a God of the impossible. God made an unlikely choice in choosing a poor, young woman. Her humble life seemed to make her an unlikely choice for such a great task.

We know that God is a God of the impossible because Gabriel tells Mary that she will conceive and give birth to a son. Mary is a virgin. She feels unworthy and unfit for such a role. Gabriel makes clear that all of this will happen through the Holy Spirit. Her response is “I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true.” In all humility, she accepts what has been said to her. 

We too feel unworthy, uneducated, unprepared, and unable to embrace our new future in Christ. We even feel this way about our health journey, but I must remind you that our God is a God of the impossible. We can accomplish everything he calls us to do.

Our God is a God of the impossible. Jesus came so that we might have life and that life can be a healthy life. Let’s embrace the healthy life that Jesus has for us.

What greater expectation can we have this Christmas? Realize that Jesus brought to us the gift of eternal life and that life begins in the present. Life starts now."

Slowing Down

Recently, I had the opportunity to sit down with a friend and coworker. 

I think she spent somewhere between 30 min. and an hour in the chair opposite my desk.  She started out with small talk and asking me about me.  Then, talk changed to her life.

I sat and listened.  It was good to see her share and exhale.  I knew she needed it.  

One of the things she mentioned was slowing down.  At our high school jobs, we rarely have time to sit still, exhale, or even THINK most of the time.  It can be an exhausting job, but it is always still rewarding helping young adults and sometimes troubled adults heal and find their pathways.

I got what she was saying.  I face the same things and obstacles in my job, which I will say right now, is not nearly as "giving" as hers.  You get in the car after maybe a 12-hour day and just want to exhale.  You want to put on your music or maybe just remain silent and enjoy the quiet of your 30-min. ride home.  You get home and you just want to REST and not give anymore.

But - so often - that is not how life works.  People want to talk to you; people need you.  And so you - sometimes begrudgingly - "give."  But not so much out of a grateful heart, which - of course - leads to hurt feelings and more giving you have to do.  You end up crawling into bed at night exhausted and wondering who you are.

You lose time at the Cross.  You lose yourself.  What about those side businesses you created?  They are not flourishing.  What about those friends that have messaged and are waiting for an answer?  They are not flourishing.  What about all the creative ideas God is inspiring you to do?  They are not flourishing.

It is so very important to sit STILL and hear God.  Find yourself, and I mean this in a non-New Age way.  If we are not STILL and LISTEN, we will not flourish and our time at the Cross and with those we love and the ideas God has given us will die.  They will never flourish.

This seems to be a common theme in my life the last few days.  I need that time ALONE to reconnect to my own spirit as well as take some time to sit at the Cross.

Fast forward to this morning.  Imagine my surprise when I found this devotion.  I'm going to end here by sharing it in its entirety.  I hope you take the time to LISTEN to this, read it carefully, and then make sure you are carving out time in your life to sit at the Cross and also to find yourself.  Life is exhausting.  You simply cannot give all the time.  You must have times of stillness, quietness, and being alone to reconnect to your Spirit and to the very GREAT Spirit of God - the Holy Spirit.

Happy Sunday to anyone reading this.  I hope your day is good and kind and fruitful.

UPDATE: I wrote this before church earlier this morning.  I got here to church, and the Worship Leader stopped in between songs to talk about the "busy-ness" of the Season and how we should slow down.  Fast forward to the Preacher's message - he is preaching on slowing down and focusing on the word PACE.

I think God is speaking.  Are we listening? 🎄❤️

"Slow It Down

Everyone knows morning comes first, and then evening. Right? So I was surprised to read in Genesis 1:5 that the order was, in fact, reversed: “And there was evening, and there was morning.” God started with evening, a time of rest, and a day followed, in which he continued to create.

We live in a culture where we work all day, and then eventually we might take time to rest. To order our days the way God does—with rest as a priority—is a challenge.

I learned to prioritize God’s way when, at age 32, I was diagnosed with cancer. I told the doctor I didn’t have time for cancer, but cancer didn’t consult my schedule.

My life changed while going through treatment as I put aside activities that previously had seemed vital. Out of that difficult time came a new list of priorities. At the top of the list: to balance my life.

I learned to climb between the sheets and put aside my worries—to rest my body and mind. To slow down when life became crazy and assess what is important. I began to see evening as the first part of my day.

This concept changed my life, physically and spiritually. Recently I had two speaking events sandwiched together. As the dates approached, time with my heavenly Father became “evening.” In preparation for my events, I listened to the heart of my Father instead of going over my notes. Out of that rest sprang fruitful ministry during the day.

Learning to live with evening, or rest, as a top priority is an ongoing process. Many times I ask God to help me reprioritize, make time for physical rest and put “evening” back where it belongs.

By T. Suzanne Elle"

Pushing Forward and Looking Inward

 

Good morning sweet readers.  I'm waking up this morning with a little bit of a headache and after a not-so-good day yesterday.

But with some items on the To Do list, I threw back the covers, scratched the puppy's head, and stumbled to the kitchen to make my coffee.

And thus, made my way back to my bedroom desk to sip and read.  Imagine my surprise when Jesus showed up and said, "Today, we are flipping this around to look at you."

"Um, what did you say Jesus?  I am the one that needs healing here.  What words can you give me today to help in the process?"

"No my child.  Today, we are going to look inward."  Insert this emoji ⏩😬

This morning, I am waking up feeling more of a peace than I have felt the last 11 days.  I feel the grace of Jesus and I actually feel like extending it outward.  At this point in my journey, I have no idea if that is the right thing to do - but I think Jesus wants me to meet people where they are, not drag them to me.

In case you are struggling, let me share today's reading with you.  I know it was intended for an outward action, but Jesus applied it to me.  I hope I am getting it and hearing Him like I should (emphasis by me):

What will happen? That’s the big worry, the great unknown: you don’t know what will happen when you finally admit that your family is in trouble. 

And when we don’t know something, we can be afraid of it. So if you have a fear of admission, you’re in great company! 

But the crazy thing is—and I’ve seen this over and over—once you admit your problem, that very same problem gets easier to live with. It’s much more work to keep your family’s secret a secret, while the benefits of admitting your family’s struggles far outweigh the hassles of tamping it down. 

For one thing, when you admit your problem, you’ll suddenly find people crawling out of the woodwork to say, “Me too!”. It’s crazy to find out how many of your coworkers, neighbors, friends, and fellow churchgoers have gone through the exact same thing. 

Admission also provides a great opportunity to learn from those who’ve been through it. Why bang your head against a wall when someone can come along and show you where the sledgehammer is? 

You’ll find the willing arms of a community of people, a network of shoulders to cry on, hands to hold, and knees to hit in prayer. 

And who couldn’t use more of that?  

Before we can come to grips with dealing with our children’s addictive propensities, we need to take a personal spiritual inventory. Once we have looked inward we can better deal with the social and cultural taboos of assisting our addictive children. Indeed, coming clean with the dirty, little family secrets is a huge step toward healing. 

I admit that I have struggled with having an addictive child while believing I “practiced what I preached.” 

When we own our shortcomings as parents, and trust God with our kids, then we are able to lay the choices of our children squarely on their backs. Then and only then can we admit that we have some family issues. 

Of course we would all do some things differently as parents, but addiction is an illness, and hiding the illness serves no purpose. It would be paramount to feeling ashamed that our offspring has cancer.

There is a tendency to refuse to admit our struggle with hurts, hang-ups, and habits. We are prone to say, “I’ve got this thing,” Sometimes God sends other people into our lives to help us see those blind spots. This is called an intervention! These are hard, painful experiences, but we must be willing to hurt someone’s feelings in order to help them. 

Even God has dealt with some of His children through interventions, like Isaiah, who said “Woe is me… I am a man of unclean lips,” or Paul: “Oh wretched man am I, who shall deliver me from the body of death,” or Peter: “Depart from me Lord for I am a sinful man.” These are men who came to face to face with their faults and admitted them after God shone upon them. 

Remember: the first step to healing is to admit that you have a problem. 

Wow.  Maybe that doesn't hit or effect everyone like it did me a few minutes ago, but I heard it loud and clear.

While I do feel a bit like Peter and Paul from my failings and fall in my relationships, I do also understand that admitting your weaknesses and failings allows others in the body of Christ to say, "We love you" and wrap their love around you.  That's what I have experienced over the past 11 days.

"Coming clean," so to speak has allowed me to breathe and say, "Here is my struggle and how it affected me."  It allowed others to say, "I struggle with that too!" It allowed my friends to say, "We love you; take my hand."  It allowed, most importantly, Jesus to say, "I love you; I hear you.  Now, here's what I need you to do going forward."

So, short and simple this morning.  Phillipians 2:3-5, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.  In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus."

I'm learning to breathe.  I'm learning to take baby steps.  I'm learning to turn myself inside out.  I've taken a lot of baby steps this weekend - driving two hours away by myself to a friend's funeral; going to a church service by myself to see a friend and her husband sing; going to one of my best friend's homes to make pizzelles with her in-laws.  Things I probably would have said NO to before and shrunk away from to stay home, where it was safe and in control.  But those baby steps came with renewed friendships, new friendships, and amazing memories.

Thank you Jesus for holding my hand and showing me the world isn't as scary as I thought it might be going out by myself.  I am so grateful for a Jesus that loves us, forgives us, and teaches us new things every day.  I can't wait to see what today has in store...