Grieving

 

I sat down to read this morning.

...maybe three hours ago.

I pushed it off, getting entangled in all the things on my list to do today.  (I'm still procrastinating on making the holiday grocery list...)  Texts, emails, tasks.  Some checked off the list three hours later; still some still to be tackled.

I didn't want to read, but I did.  I didn't want any answers or comfort, but I did.

Grief is just funny that way.  And grief comes in so many forms.  Death.  Separations.  Divorce.  I can't tell you the number of family and friends surrounding me that are struggling with some type of grief.  It seems grief is one of the most popular tools of the enemy.  

The enemy uses it to distract us, mire us, take us off path, and most importantly - destroy us.

But grief can also be used by God to heal us, grow us, and bind us.  As I sat down, a little broken this morning, to read, I opened up my Lysa T. devotional and read this.  I mean, really God.  Are you kidding me?  Today's devotion is on grief?  (I don't know when I will stop asking God that question.  I shouldn't be surprised anymore with what He throws my way.)

From Real Life by Lysa T.:

"I desperately longed for God to fix things. To take away my bloodshot eyes. To take away my anger toward him. To take away my guilt for being the one that lived. I felt I didn’t deserve to be happy, ever again.

This is the reality of deep grief. Even when you love God and believe in his promises, healing takes time.

It takes wading through an ocean of tears.

It takes discovering one day that the sun still shines and it’s okay to smile.

It takes prayer, and a decision to stop asking for answers and start asking for perspective.

Then one day you take off the blanket of deep grief. You fold it neatly and tuck it away. You no longer hate it or resist it. For underneath it, wondrous things have happened. Things that can only come about when Divine hope intersects with a broken world.

And finally you can see years stretching before you once again. You look up, blow a kiss, wipe a tear and find it’s still possible to dance."

How profound are those words?  "It takes prayer and a decision to stop asking for ANSWERS and start asking for PERSPECTIVE."

I find that happens to me frequently.  I will sit or lie down, maybe teary-eyed, and begin to try and wade through feelings, thoughts, and prayers.  And then, it hits me - perspective. "I hear you God.  I got it."

Sometimes, you wipe the tears and see perspective out before you.  You understand that healing takes time.

This morning, I called my (very busy) brother to ask for a simple prayer and for some objective perspective.  I wanted to check myself that I was not mired in self-pity, self-destruction, or anything else "self" related.

Sometimes, it's not only good to lay our grief at the Cross but to also share with those in our inner circles (that can be trusted) to make sure we are not self-destructing and we are healing properly.  That we are staying healthy.

I know grief takes time.  I know the Cross heals.  But for each of us on this journey, each path will be different.

I want to always make sure I am on God's path and walking where I need to be.  Life is way too busy, and it's so easy to get off God's path and led astray down the enemy's path instead.  I don't want to feel like I am always looking for the negative.  I don't want to "coerce" people into decisions that alleviate my grief.  I just want to know I am listening to God and following His rules and regulations and the plan He has for my life.

Thank goodness the Bible provides so much Scripture to help us when we are struggling.

Thank you, Jesus, for the ability to lay our grief at the Cross when we come to those points in life.  We know it is not the end of the road, but a blanket that you will fold neatly and tuck away in time.

We know under the blanket there will be wonderful things waiting to happen that will bloom from the dirt of sadness.  Thank you for giving hope in our broken world.