Were You Let Down?

 

Good morning my friends, and Happy Valentine's Day.

I am sitting at my kitchen counter this morning, with my little pink and gold mug full of hot coffee, trying to stay warm and positive.

Yep, you read that right - positive.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting tired of trying to make it work - okay, make everything work, all the time.

The County taxes went up.  My homeowner's insurance went up.  My mortgage payment increased $200.  The basement pump is broken.  The fence is falling down, and my yard now looks like Sanford and Son's backyard. 

It just keeps piling on and on and on.  I'm exhausted.  I'm not sleeping through the night.  I just wonder, "God, when does the hamster wheel end and I get some peace?  When do I get to stop spending money on life and start spending it on others?"

And, a lot of times - our own personal woes with money, work, and staying afloat bleed into our own self-pity of being disappointed with others.

I can personally count on one hand - and probably two if I thought about it long and hard enough - the women around me who have been disappointed in the men in their lives.  Affairs, mental health issues, abandonment, and marriage & family commitment issues are just a few of the hurdles these women have faced.

It's not surprising our stress levels are high, that we are developing emotional scars, and that we are losing trust in other humans. 

I, too, struggle with trust issues.  Our past paths in life create scars in our hearts that blur our outlook on both our current and future paths.  All the women I am thinking about this morning are strong Christians, who have profound faith in God.  Yet, we all still struggle with being disappointed with someone in our lives.

As I sat here this morning, after another night of restless sleep and worry, I opened my laptop to see what God had for me.  I read this.  It really hit home and opened my mind to the reminder that I am not alone at being disappointed in people.  We all struggle with this one thing.

The key to remember - I believe - is to not let the devil see it and capitalize on it.  He relishes in our failures.  He delights in diverting us off God's path.  So, to my girls this morning - I see you.  I believe this devotion was for you.

I hope it touches you and reminds you - like it did me - that we must grieve; we must show God our tears and/or our anger; and we must accept that people fail, but God never will!

I see you.  I love you.  Embrace today - Valentine's Day - remembering that the greatest Valentine of all was Jesus and the gift of LOVE he gave us on that bitter, bitter Friday afternoon.  That give of LOVE redeemed us all.  YOU ARE WORTHY and not forgotten! 

When People Let You Down

Disappointment feels like a heavy rock sinking to the bottom of my spirit—especially when others disappoint or deceive me. Often I ignore my disappointment, shut it in a box and hope the lid holds. Sometimes I gloss it over with a quick, “People will let you down, but God never will.” True, but does this really help me process the hurt?

One morning, I poured out my sadness, anger and disappointment to God about a close relationship. As the tears slipped down my face, I begged for an answer: What do I do with this? Show me. I’ll do it because what I’ve been doing is not working.

In my spirit, Jesus said, “Grieve.”

Really? I questioned. I remembered that Jesus knew disappointment—Peter’s denial, Judas’s betrayal and the disciples falling asleep during his anguish before his crucifixion (see Matthew 26). Jesus understood my pain.

So I cried, feeling every ounce of the disappointment. I told God all the things I wished were different, all the things I thought this person had done wrong, and what I wished this person would change.

After the winds of grief subsided, I was done. Grieving was the bridge I had to cross to move beyond the disappointment. On the other side, I could embrace the relationship for what it was, not what it wasn’t.

Only after we’ve allowed ourselves to grieve will we know how to respond in the way God wants. We may need to talk to the person who disappointed us or get godly counsel. We may need healthy boundaries or to just let it go.

Once we’ve completed those steps, the words “People will let you down, but God never will” will be comforting, not empty.

By Melanie Chitwood

2 Corinthians 1

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 

From Darkness to Light

 

Don't you love these kind of moments?

I woke up this morning thinking about a friend of mine, maybe even two of them. How they took me from a place of sadness, held my hand, and helped me heal. Brought me to this current day, where happiness has returned and MAYBE I'm starting to find and see ME again.

I reflected back on things one of those friends said to me, as I compared and belittled my grief to his, a widow of four years. He encouraged me not to belittle or bury my grief or compare it to others.

He said, "Pain is pain." When I said, "Why am I struggling so much? Why did a broken heart hurt so much? Why did it dismantle me?" He said, "FIVE YEARS. It was FIVE YEARS. Give yourself some grace."

As I sent a Good Morning text to that friend this morning, I reflected back on these moments and what he has grown to mean to me. How our friendship has grown and blossomed. How we talked through our own personal valleys, as well as valleys we experienced together and yet, kept going forward.

My heart warmed as I thought about the journey.

And then I opened my laptop to read this morning's devotional. (Real-Life Devotions by Lysa TerKeurst, if you want to join the plan.) This is what I read.

I pray it blesses you like it did me. I love these moments when God not only shows up, but He says, "I heard you this morning. I have something for you."

Read on:

"Trapped like a firefly in a mason jar. Stifled, I peered out, watching others’ dreams, hopes and joys twinkle and fly by my stagnant ones. My own desires sat dusty in my valley of pain.

Extinguished. Exhausted. Expectant no longer.

“I’m so sorry your dreams are dashed,” my friend offered. “I wish I had known sooner how painful this disappointment has been. It would been an honor to walk it out with you.”

“Thanks. But a broken heart is silly. Especially in light of others’ pain.” Who was I to be sad about a mere breakup?

Silenced by self-doubt. Belittled by unworthiness. I diminished my pain, fearing it insignificant. In the process I belittled God’s care about my pain. Healing had been offered, yet I walked away, thinking it not worth his trouble.

My friend took my hand, and we journeyed back to when she had lost two children. Someone then had told her to check her pain at the door. Keep it in perspective to others’ pain.

We journeyed back to another time when pain was acknowledged, not tucked in a dark corner. Then she turned to the Lord, who administered healing from the grief of empty arms and empty cribs.

My friend took my hand again and we journeyed forward. “Don’t belittle your grief. Your pain is genuine. This valley is real. You must acknowledge the Lord is near and accept his help to get out.”

My friend granted me permission to feel my ache and loss. Drastically different than her own, yet no less honest. In that moment I realized I’d held my pain at a distance. Yet truth resonated in her words. No one loves us or offers healing like God does.

Perhaps it is time to acknowledge the pain, like Job did in Job 7:11. To become aware of the Lord’s care—an “always there” presence. No matter what other voices have said, your pain is valid. God cares deeply and longs to heal you. No pain is too great … or too small. Often we just need someone to remind us that God longs to remove the lid on our mason jar and fly next to us, out of the valley.

By Samantha Reed"

So, you see.  God is listening.  He does hear us.

Friend, don't belittle your valleys and your hurt.  Don't compare it to others. Let God heal you.

As the saying goes, "Comparison is the thief of joy." Friend, don't let the devil win.

Go ahead.  Open your mason jar.  Let your firefly out and let the healing begin.

I love you, and so does God.

2 Corinthians 1

3Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.

Seasons of WAITING

 

It's been a minute since the Lord has asked me to write anything.

I guess being in a season of waiting means...you WAIT.

I read a devotion this morning that just hit me.  When I woke up this morning, after an incredible night of sleep (finally) filled with God's presence and PEACE, I said, "Well, I am not writing this morning.  I can just read, shower, and be on time for church."

I guess you should never "assume" you know what the day is going to hold for you because God led me to read something that I felt was profound and wanted to share.

Being in a season of waiting - also means being in a season of TRUST.  I've never been good at waiting.  Everyone knows I am a "triple-A+" personality.  I am a fixer, a multi-tasker, and a leader (to a small extent).  I'm not good at waiting.  I'm more of the mindset, "What is taking so long?  Just make a decision and let's go!"

Well, you know how that usually works out.

If God wants you to WAIT, well then - you wait. This morning's reading was based on the story of Sarah and Abraham.  Yes.  We have all heard and read their story a million times, but when you put it in the context of a study on waiting, well then - it sort of tweaks the story and gives you new perspective.

Instead of me reinventing the wheel, let me share some of today's reading with you:

And I wondered if that’s how Abraham’s wife, Sarah felt when she heard she would have a baby at ninety years old. The three prophetic visitors in Genesis said Abraham’s wife would have a baby in a year. Sarah, listening from inside the tent, laughed to herself. “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?” (Genesis 18:12)

I can relate to facing what seemed like an impossible situation. But I came to the end of all my efforts and natural solutions and striving, and it felt good to put it in God’s hands completely. Elisabeth Elliot writes, “God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.”

We often think of surrender like waving a white flag in battle. But my day of surrendering to God felt more like standing in the kitchen with a burnt cake in my hands, laughing because I messed the whole thing up. Then suddenly, I remember that God is an expert in turning messes into miracles, and I let out a little laugh.

Sarah laughed because she knew she couldn’t make it happen herself. The promise from God was too big, too far-fetched for a woman who was 90 years old.

And yet, despite the obstacles, God fulfilled His promise, and Sarah gave birth to Isaac.

It would be great if Sarah paved a road for us all to follow, a road of faith and optimism and kindness and trust. Wouldn’t it be great if she gave us the formula to follow for our waiting season? I can see it in the headlines: “Faith-Filled Woman Gives Birth in Her Nineties.” We’d all lean in for that kind of faith. Give us the formula—only there isn’t one.

The truth is, Sarah wasn’t all that full of faith. She didn’t play all her cards right. It seems to me, the action she took only made things messier than they needed to be (I’m guilty of the same thing). Yet, God still fulfilled what He promised.

If everyone got exactly what they wanted through trust and surrender, we’d rejoice because we finally nailed the formula. Surrender isn’t because God needs something from us but because He wants something for us—the peace that comes from trusting in Him alone. Surrender and trust enable us to accept the outcome, even if it looks different than we thought it would. A posture of surrender—even laughable surrender—recognizes that we’ve come to the end of our striving and natural solutions and we put our trust in Him no matter what. We don’t need to know what God is up to or how He’s going to work it out, we only need to know that He is a good God with our best interest in mind. And, as it turns out, impossible situations are His specialty.

I love that.  Obviously Sarah didn't have the formula for waiting and trust nailed down either.  She didn't play all her cards right - she took action on her own (outside of what God said) and made things messier - and yes, like our writer above, we have all done the same thing.

Waiting = SURRENDER.  I like the word SURRENDER so much better!  I can definitely SURRENDER to God.  Waiting is HARD.  Too hard for this triple-A+ girl.

SURRENDER means God has something for me, and when I SURRENDER to Him, I can find the PEACE I experienced last night while sleeping (yes, it's a physical feeling you feel that surpasses anything you have ever encountered - and that's why they call it "the peace of God that surpasses all understanding"). 

We put our trust in God no matter what.  No matter what untruths are being told about us.  No matter what fight or (as in my situation) flights are taking place within our situation.  No matter what.  "We don't need to know what God is up to or how He is going to work it out."

We only have to know that He is GOD, and He always has our best interests in mind.  God is in the business of CHANGE - changing people, changing situations, and changing hearts.

I love this quote above from Elisabeth Elliot, "God is God. If He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere but in His will, and that will is infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to."

Wow.  Succinct and to the point.  God is God.  Rest nowhere but in His will.

If you are in a period of waiting today, like me - there are several things you can do to help yourself make it through this time of SURRENDER:

• Pray - Talk openly and honestly to God every time you have a chance.  Cry if you need to; yell if you need to; sleep if you need to - but keep talking it through with God.  It may feel as if your prayers are only hitting the ceiling, but you can REST in the FACT that they are being presented at the throne of God in Heaven.  It is Biblical!

• Journal - Keep a small notebook and pen by your bedside.  God will speak.  Let the words pour out of you.  Put all your deepest thoughts in there that may come when you wake up in the morning or when you are about to lie down to sleep at night.  Get the gunk OUT.

• Talk - Surround yourself with GODLY people.  Your friends, family, or even your Parents might all love and support you - but if they are not strong Christians daily walking with the Lord, you may get ONLY support - not God's wisdom pouring out from them to you.  It is easy to nest and snuggle up to the people we are closest to in times of waiting, but if you are receiving opinions and support from those within your circle who are either not Christians at all or are Christians "in name only," you are not getting God's wisdom.  This is a hard one I know, but look closely at your inner circle.  Who is opening their Bible and reading daily?  Who are the ones on their knees praying daily?  Who is listening to Christian music?  These are all outward "helps" to see who is really walking closely with the Lord.  (Disclaimer:  Not all strong Christians have labels on them saying, "I walk close to the Lord," so be wise in making decisions.  But you should be able to easily discern who will give you good, Godly advice rather than just advice based on their love for you.)

• Seek Godly Counsel - Goes a little bit hand-in-hand with Talk above, but you may need to seek Christian counseling or find an older (and wiser) Christian mentor.  Someone who is not a family member, friend, or Parent that can give objective viewpoints and Scripture to help you through your time of waiting.

Let's wrap up this morning's post with this lovely prayer I read.  It just hits home for me, and it is my prayer daily.  I hope it will be comforting to you as well.

I pray all of you have a wonderful Sunday in your house of worship and continue to grow closer to Jesus each day:

"Father, forgive me for lacking trust in you. Forgive me for trusting too much in myself, my capabilities, my circumstances, or others. Help my full trust to reside in you. I surrender my doubt, my fear, and my confusion. I don’t know where this path leads, but I want to trust you every step of the way. Thank you for a new level of trust in you. Amen."

Release

 

Today's word.  RELEASE.

Man, I must be tired.  I slept about ten hours last night.  My mind, my heart, and my emotions are worn out from the last five weeks and more specifically - from the last ten days.

I have wrestled with God.  And this morning I laid in bed and prayed, "God, I'm done.  I give up.  He's yours.  Take him."

At some point, you have to realize that some people cannot be saved, no matter how much you fight for them.  No matter how much you love them.  No matter how many times you have said the same words over and over to them.  No matter how many times your family members have pleaded the same words over and over to them.

Sometimes, you have to take the hurt and release it and the person you have been trying to save.

It's up to God now.  As a people and a tribe, we have tried.  We have all failed.  There seems to be no amount of words or Scripture that can help.

So today's word is release.  I release my partner.  I refuse to be treated in a manner that is so undeserved.  No communication or working through feelings or thoughts.  Silent treatments.  Ignoring when in the same room.  I am worthy.  I am a child of God, and after five years of sharing life, being in love, creating a partnership, promises of a future together, and a commitment to an us, I refuse to continue to be treated in a manner worthy of someone in a position so much less. The disrespect given to me and this relationship over the past ten days has been unexpected and should not be permitted in a Christian relationship that was once blooming, fruitful, and Christ-centered.

I have placed too much focus on him, the silence, and my heartache.  I can't do it anymore.  It's ruining me, and I'm not living life.  I want to be alive again.  I want to heal and be filled again.  

So take him God.  He is yours.  Carve out the path you desire for him.  Use him for the purposes you have for him.

I will always pray that you allow our paths to cross again or our relationship to reunite and heal, but despite all my prayers, you have not allowed that to happen thus far.  I will continue to pray that you grant him courage and bravery.  That you grant him the ability to step out of a lifestyle that has become comfortable and to face the evil of fear and overcome it.  I will continue to pray that you instill in him a desire to fight for the things that are true and real and matter most.

I am so thankful you gave him to me for five years.  My life is forever changed.  I will always love him and the life we carved out together. My heart will always hold hope of a future together.  But this morning, I can't shoulder the heaviness of the hurt any longer and I can't take the level of disrespect a day more.  So today's word is release.

As God always does, He shows up right on time.  Thank you Proverbs 31 for being the first thing I read this morning:

One definition of “belonging” is “the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group.” When we belong, we’re right where we’re supposed to be.

Today’s key verse shows us the ultimate source of belonging in the midst of our brokenness: “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

In our pain, our loving heavenly Father runs to us, is near to us, and comforts us with His presence and the peace only He can provide. In our pain, we belong close to our Savior. It’s the best place for us to be.

My daughter’s response to her father’s care didn't surprise me and probably doesn’t surprise you either: We recognize the blessing of a loving father who ran to his child and comforted her. We would expect her to receive that gift gladly and rest in it.

But when circumstances shatter our lives, instead of allowing God to come close and put our broken pieces back together, I think we sometimes pull away. Instead of allowing God to care for our wounds, we cover them and recoil. After all, wounds hurt, and we fear that exposing them will only hurt more.

But as with an untreated physical wound, untreated heart wounds grow more and more tender. Though covered up, the wounds get worse, and if they’re not treated, infection will spread and create even more hurt.

The first step to belonging is to bring our brokenness to Jesus. Instead of tirelessly trying to fix things ourselves, we can let Jesus put the broken pieces of our hearts back together.

God doesn’t want us to spend our lives endlessly trying to keep it together. He wants to heal us, fill us, and lead us to the rest found in His arms when we belong to Him.

Dear God, I know You see the wounds in my heart. Today, I bring You my broken pieces. I desire Your healing and the rest found in Your arms. Give me the courage to trust You. Lead me to the belonging You created for me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Giving Up

 

Where do you go when there is nothing left?  When you have moved into the anger part of the grieving process?

At this point in life, we are all old enough to know the stages of grief.  Anger is one of them.

I think I'm there now.  I am just dead on the inside this morning.

"Okay, Lord.  It's 3:30 a.m.  I'm awake.  What do you want from me?  I got nothing."

Coffee made, laptop open.  "What do you want from me?  I don't get it God.  Why would you allow me to go down this road?  If you knew it was going to end up this way, and I was never going to be chosen, why would you allow me to be here?"

I've spent the last five weeks getting counsel from a wise and trained professional at work.  I've sat and listened to my brother.  I've listened to my cousin give what she calls "being raw with you." 

All advice is 100% the same, whether it came from a trained professional or a loving family member.  "You are enough.  It was the relationship that wasn't enough.  It wasn't you that wasn't chosen.  Another relationship was chosen as greater than yours."

Grief, in whatever form it comes, is tough.  Death, divorce, seperation of loved ones.  Whatever form you are experiencing, it is taxing.

So my rawness with God this morning (after all I have been through with Him) was just that, "I got nothing for you this morning.  Nothing.  I feel nothing.  God, I'm just empty and dead on the inside this morning.  Now what do you want me to do?  It's 3:30.  I'm up and wide awake.  Tell me."

Silence.

Great.  I'm getting used to silence.  I'm getting used to waving my hand and saying, "Hey!  I need help.  I'm drowning over here," and hearing, "That's great!  Have a nice swim!" in return.

You'd think a call for help would elicit a knee-jerk response of, "Hold on!  I'm coming!  You're not going to drown.  I'm here.  I'm going to help you!"  But it doesn't always...

In these sink or swim moments, we learn to swim better.  Harder.  Stronger.  As my cousin told me, "What people don't understand is when we get hurt - when they hurt us - we just get stronger, and we eventually find out we don't need them.  We come from a long line of strong women in this family."

But what happens when you don't want to learn to swim on your own?  You want a life preserver thrown out to you?  You want to be rescued?

Sometimes, you don't get the things the heart wishes for - and in those instances, you have to swim in order to survive.

I've learned in the last five weeks, that I am enough, but that my love or the relationship I was a partner in for five years was not enough.  It was apparently not great enough to survive a competing family relationship.  My partner did not throw out the life preserver.  And five weeks later, no help has ever arrived to save me from drowning.  The empty shores of the lake I am drowning in remain silent and still.  No one is coming.  A sure sign a decision has already been made.

So God.  Why do you have me up at 3:30 a.m.?  Tell me again?

Silence.

Okay, God.  Maybe someday I'll understand your ways.  This morning, I do not.

This morning, I opened up my reading and Billy Graham (one of my favorite writers) said:

The Home

The first essential for a happy Christian home is that love must be practiced. Homes that are built on animal attraction and lust are destined to crumble and fall. Love is the cohesive force that holds the family together. True love contains an element of spiritual mystery. It embodies loyalty, reverence, and understanding. Love imposes a tremendous responsibility on all members of a family, but it is a responsibility accompanied by glorious rewards. “Love,” says the Bible, “even as Christ . . . loved the church, and gave Himself for it.” How did Christ love the church? He loved it despite its faults, its mistakes, and its weaknesses. True love does not fail. It loves despite personality defects, physical blemishes, and mental quirks. Love is deep, abiding, and eternal. Nothing can bring a sense of security into the home as true love can.

Great God.  This is what I open up my Bible to?  The Home?  "...the first essential for a happy Christian home?"  Well, I have certainly failed here.  Three times to be exact.

"Love is the cohesive force that holds the family together.  It embodies loyalty, reverence, and understanding.  Love imposes a tremendous responsibility on all members...but it is a responsibility accompanied by glorious rewards."

"Love as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it."

"Love despite defects, blemishes, and quirks.  Love is deep, abiding, and eternal.  Nothing brings security as true love can."

Okay, I hear you - but I'm still angry.  Angry for a love that was taken away - but I'm left wondering, "Why was it given in the first place?"  Angry with a partner that can't understand that fear is not from above, and that Scripture once again plainly says, "Nothing brings security as true love can."  Angry that I gave five years of my life to a pathway I thought was ending in a union of two lives, but instead, it was a pathway that lead to being not chosen and put in second place.

I hear you God.  I can't fix everyone or another person's heart.  I can only fix me and mine.

Thank you Lord for the open doors you have provided the last two weeks.  For a friend that reaches out from time to time to say, "You can't hermit away forever; remember that."

For the new work opportunity of being a chaperone to one of the biggest gaming events in the Southeast and being a part of our new gaming club (I love those kids).

For the invitation to work at our church and be a part of both women's groups.

Thank you God for providing when I am hurting, confused, and just plain 'ole empty on the inside.

I don't know why you have me up so early, but I guess I'll find out.  I love you Lord, and I am so thankful for each person in my life.  Each person, professional, family member, and girlfriend that keeps reinforcing in my tiny brain, "You are enough."

Maybe one day the grieving process will end.  I'd like to think it will end positively, but at this point, I am just giving up and giving in.  Lord, tell me where to go.

I'm tired of trying.  Tired of drowning and hoping the person on shore throws the life preserver. There is no preserver coming because there is no one on shore.  I am learning to swim on my own now.

Thank you for giving me the strength to wake up each day, to take one more lap around the lake, and to keep positive.

Thank you for sending your Son to us so we can live each day with hope and gratefulness.  I surely do not understand your methods or why you allow bad and sad things to happen to us - but I will always keep going.  I know that's what you want for me.  To keep going until I reach the end prize.

This morning, I am giving up and giving in - just so you know.  I don't have any fight left in me.  I am flat-out and running on empty.

I tried.  I lost.  Help me grieve the loss I didn't want and begin to heal.

Not my will but yours.  Always and forever.  Let's do this Jesus...

Tough Love is Super Hard

 

Sometimes, you are broken below where you thought you could go. And sometimes, you have to close a door so that God can open your window to let the sunshine back in.

It is time for me to stop waiting. I have waited for such a long time. I have felt less than and not enough over the past year. I have lowered myself to wonderings and confusions. I have been sad; I have been "depressed."

Years of being put second and not mattering enough finally broke me a few weeks ago. Sometimes, you can know you have found your life partner and love of your life and still you may not be enough for them.

Sometimes, outside circumstances are too strong for you to compete with, and you ultimately realize and come to understand that until every last outside circumstance disappears, you will always be second and never enough for your person.

When I finally broke a few weeks ago, I asked for time to think and pray. To talk to God about what I should do. I only told one person what I was doing. Before I could even return to the table, I returned home one evening to find a goodbye note, my house key, and many items gone from my home.

It was a crushing blow. I had found my person, but it was obvious that time away to think and pray had turned into a quick and cowardly exit for them. Just about proving that I was truly not enough or worth the fight. Just about proving I was not their person and all their words and promises were untruthful.

I want to thank my best girlfriends, near and far, for emphatically saying over and over again that I am enough.

I want to thank my brother for that two-hour, extremely raw conversation in which you validated my opinions and told me in very frank terms that you did not think my person was capable of making a major life change right now.

I want to thank my two boys who took time to talk to me. One helped me understand a situation and the other one called me and said, "Mom, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's what I have always done my whole life, and it just works out. God will take care of you. Call me if you need to talk." To have two boys that listen to their Mama is a blessing. I am so amazingly grateful to the Lord for giving them to me.

I want to thank my sweet cousin that came to visit. You just finished your own battle, but your words of wisdom and strength were just what I needed. I needed to hear you say, "He left you first. If it's meant to be, it will work out. If it's not, God has such a bigger plan for you that you cannot comprehend right now." I feel like I'm pretty in tune with God, but I needed to hear those words out loud this week.

And lastly, thank you to my wise and beautiful friend Denise. When I stood outside our church on a rainy Wednesday night, after a Worship service a few weeks ago, crying and repeating, "I am not enough," you looked me right in the eye and said, "Stop it! You are!" So characteristic of your personality, and a firmness I needed that night after feeling I didn't matter.

To my person: Tough love is SUPER hard. We all love you. We all think the world of you. But tough love is SUPER hard. You were accepted and loved unconditionally. You were given everything myself and this great big, Italian family had to offer. But, you could not keep the promises you made. I was - in the end - not enough for you. You chose to remain in place and even retreat.

Someday, you will be the man God and Scripture call you to be. You will become a great Spiritual leader, a provider, and a protector. You will overcome a foundation of insecurities childhood bullying built inside of you. I know you, and I have faith in you.

I will always love you. I will continue to pray for you in the manner I shared with my brother this morning. But for right now, the hurt of you leaving again, along with your retreat from all we have created is too deep, and I am having trouble hearing God fully. I must protect myself and be able to hear God clearly.

As my son said, "Mom, keep putting one foot in front of the other. God will take care of everything."

My family and friends will always love you as well. Everyone will miss you as part of our family with your fun and loving personality absent from family gatherings and holidays.

We will always be here, right where you left us. Living, loving, and carrying on like we always have. We can't make big life decisions for you. Only you can take the big steps. Only you can become the man God has created and called you to be.

This family only wishes the very best for you. Your time is now. I hope you see that. Never be afraid to approach any of us. We are your biggest cheerleaders.

As for me, time is marching on as the song goes. And so much time has marched by lately. I thought I'd be in a whole different situation by now - as our five-year anniversary came and went silently last week with no milestone celebration. As I walked into a movie theater last night, right past the restaurant patio where we had our first date.

Tough love is SUPER hard. Protecting your heart is super hard. But it has to be done - for everyone involved. God is good. I can't wait to see what He has in store for all our stories...

Friends & Mentors

 

"Heavenly Father, “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17), please send godly mentors and friends to my husband. You have placed us on earth in the context of community because it is our interaction with each other that promotes our growth and helps to develop our character. As Your Word says in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” I praise You for the wisdom of relationships and thank You for the godly men You have put in my husband’s relational circle throughout his life. Please deepen these relationships and bring more spiritual men to him in order to mentor him into a person who exhibits Christ’s character in all he does."

Use that prayer from a devotional this morning to apply to your Partner...or to anyone in your life really.

I love the line that says, "You have placed us on earth in the context of community because it is our interaction with each other that promotes our growth and helps to develop our character.  I praise You for the wisdom of relationships and thank You for the godly men You have put in my husband’s relational circle throughout his life."

I have to take the time out to say this morning that without my best friends (you know who you are) I could not have grown and developed character over the last month.  I was granted their wisdom and, just basically, their love and support.  I was very thankful for the godly women God put in my "relational circle" as this prayer calls it.

"Gracious Lord, please surround my husband with men and mentors who guide him in the ways of wisdom, right living, kindness, commitment, and a deep love for You and for his family. I pray that You bless him with like interests with these men and provide them with learning experiences that they can share together, as well as occasions of fun and fellowship. Help me to be willing to share my husband’s emotions and time so that he can develop and sustain relationships with these men, and I pray that the richness of their relationships will overflow into our marriage and into our home."

I know not everyone reading this post has a husband.  I don't.  But I can use this prayer to pray for my Partner and even for my close inner circle of girlfriends.

Throughout the past month, the Lord granted me time alone to find myself.  Time to grow in closeness to the Cross.  Time to develop deeper friendships with other women in my life I had not known on other levels (other than where our paths crossed each day).  My time of great sorrow miraculously bloomed into a time of independence, growth, maturity, strength, and new friendships.

I am thankful for women and mentors that guided me, granted wisdom, performed acts of service, and showed kindness and a deep love of the Cross as well.  I am thankful for reconnections with old friends.  Travels to cities I would not have ventured off to before.  And spend the night parties I should have had a long time ago.  What an amazing time of growth and learning.

My pathway is not over.  I am still traveling.  I do not intend to abandon the doors God has opened.  I will be traveling back to the cities I live far from.  I will be keeping my friendships close.  I will be having more spend-the-night parties.  I love the love of other women and close friends.  We need and should be mindful of these people and relationships in our lives.

Here is something that Lysa TerKeurst said that struck with me, "Our hope can’t be tied to whether or not a circumstance or another person changes. Our hope must be tied to the unchanging promise of God. We hope for the good we know God will ultimately bring from our situation, whether the good turns out to match our desires or not. And sometimes that takes a while. The process will most likely require us to be persevering. Patient. Maybe even longsuffering."

How true is this!

Your HOPE cannot be tied to a PERSON and their personality, true self, or actions.  It must be tied to GOD.  You can have pain and anguish and hurt and disappointment in people, and in the very same breath, have HOPE for the GOOD we know God is bringing our way and our situation at some point in time.  That GOOD may not match what you have in your head, and that is KEY to remember through your valley.  God ALWAYS brings the GOOD.  Just keep in mind that what He brings may not match what you were thinking.  Keep clinging to the Cross and keep praying!  The GOOD always comes. Be cognizant enough to recognize it when the valley starts to level out and you suddenly realize you are no longer in it; you are now on level ground again.  THIS is your good my sister.

Take the time today to read Psalm 40.  Whether you are in the valley today or level ground.  It is proof that people have already traveled your road and are still traveling it today, 1000s of years later.

"...waited patiently for the Lord...He heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit...and set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth."

Proof that those valleys eventually become level ground again.

Here is one of my favorite Gospel singers, Charlotte Ritchie, singing one of my favorite hymns, "We are standing on holy ground..."

Happy Friday my friends.  The weekend is here.  Pull out the holiday decorations and celebrate where you feet rest today.  Valley or level ground, God is standing beside you.

I love you.