Birch & Burlap: Shadows and Light

I read this today in my morning devotional from Billy Graham:

Light and Shadow

All the masterpieces of art contain both light and shadow. A happy life is one filled not only with sunshine, but one which uses both light and shadow to produce beauty.

The greatest musicians, as a rule, are those who know how to bring song out of sadness.

Fanny Crosby, her spirit aglow with faith in Christ, saw more with her sightless eyes than most of us do with normal vision. She has given us some of the great gospel songs which cheer our hearts and lives.

In a rat-infested jail in Philippi, Paul and Silas sang their song of praise at midnight to the accompaniment of the jailer’s whip. But their patience in suffering and persecution led to the heathen warden’s conviction.

Daily Prayer:

Let my heart learn to sing when everything around me seems so dark. Give me Your grace to praise You, Lord Jesus."

Sometimes, life is just hard.

Single life is just hard.

When I was growing up, my Father used to say, "No matter what something costs, if you take care of it, it will last forever." He was a strong man. An Italian father in every sense of the word.

Large. In control. Expected perfection always.

While my brother didn't seem to be impressed by my father's tendencies, I - on the other hand - absorbed all of them. I absorbed and was consumed by them until his last breath.

To this day, they still resonate (and cause problems) deep within me.

I take care of all my things. My car has almost 300,000 miles on it, and I still wash and wax it regularly. I fix it myself. I attempted a paint job myself. (It's not perfect and needs to be redone.)

My house is almost 25 years old. It has rotten door frames, rotten wood on the roof, and needs a new fence. I am working to secure financing and working two extra jobs to make these repairs.

At the same time, I am working a full-time job I love that doesn't get me home until almost 5pm. I am attending college to earn my Bachelor's Degree. And I am active in Christian Counseling, my local CR group, and my church's Women's Bible Study.

It is a lot.

I am tired. And I am failing.

I've had two "breakdowns" the last two weekends. I can't do it all myself, on the time and finances I have. Yet, I keep going and the Lord has been more than faithful to me, my two boys, and my household.

Sometimes, it's just hard being single.

I've never been one of those girls whose main goal in life was to meet a man, get married, have kids, and stop working and depend on him for my livelihood. I've always wanted my own dreams and aspirations and have worked hard to obtain them.

But it's hard being single. Wouldn't it be nice to have a partner that comes alongside you to help? Not as your leader per se, but as a true partner - allowing you to lean in when you need to. One that speaks truth and love over you. Prays for you and helps carry your burdens and also - well - the physical tasks that occur day to day.

I recently confided my breakdowns to a friend. One I normally do not confide these deepest struggles with. He left me a beautiful voicemail:

"Hello Debbie.

I knew you wouldn't be able to pick up the phone because you're at work. But I wanted to call and tell you - I love you and I'm thinking about you; praying for you; and want to give you some bright sound first thing in the morning when you are able to listen to this voice mail.

You are a beautiful person. You have a heart of gold. I am so fortunate to have you as a friend and to be able to call you friend. You mean so much to me. I consider you a wonderful friend - one of my closest.

I love how you love my kids. I love how you show them how much you care about them. It means the world to me. You are an incredible person.

I am honored to be your friend, and I am here for you any time - day or night. It doesn't matter. Please reach out to me at any time. You are always there for me, and I greatly appreciate that. I love you. Have a beautiful day."

When I heard that message, my eyes filled with tears. Such words of support and love. What more could I ask for? Words I desperately needed to hear this morning.

While I wouldn't ordinarily share personal conversations here, I use them to illustrate and circle back to Billy Graham's words above - "All the masterpieces of art contain both light and shadow. A happy life is one filled not only with sunshine, but one which uses both light and shadow to produce beauty.

I needed to read those words this morning. ALL MASTERPIECES CONTAIN BOTH LIGHT AND SHADOW.

When my life moments seem to be shadow upon shadow, God pulls back the curtain to show me His Word and that the people surrounding me love me and speak words of love and light over me.

I needed to be reassured this morning and last week. I needed to hear God's Word and words of affirmation from those I love. Sometimes, you just need a physical presence, a hug - words - phone calls, messages, whatever - to let you know you are not alone. You need your inner circle to not wait for you to ask for help but to reach out and speak words over you, pray for you, and say, "What can I help you with today? What can I physically take off your plate?"

Hey - disclaimer here - I am only speaking from my point of view. I am equally guilty of not doing the same or being there for those I love. These valleys and moments of darkness are also good reminders to us that we should be reaching out as well as wishing our loved ones would lean in.

I will end this post with the small and simple prayer Billy Graham wrapped up his message with: