Rebuilding

 

I found this prayer today in my morning devotional.

Devotionals and journaling are a bit tougher now that I'm back at work and off the Thanksgiving break schedule.  I miss waking up, brewing coffee, and journaling.

I am trying to make a new schedule because this journaling thing is so cathartic to and for me.

This morning, I cracked open my devotional and I read this prayer:

"Heavenly Father, disagreements are bound to happen in our relationship. Conflict is a normal part of being human. Rather than pray to avoid disagreements, God, I ask that You equip us to handle our disagreements with honor and respect for each other. Help our marriage to reflect Your instruction found in Ephesians 4:29-32: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” I praise You for giving us the blueprint for how to communicate in our marriage and in our home so that You are always pleased."

Gosh, I love that.  So many good nuggets of information inside there:

• Conflict is normal
• Don't avoid disagreements; get equipped for them
• Honor and respect each other through an argument
• God gives us the blueprint on how to communicate between each other

Wow.

I love that because it reflects what I have experienced this weekend.  On Sunday, I was able to take my dog for a walk in the park accompanied by my Partner. 

It was a time of openness, being raw, and being transparent.  Love expressed.  Anger expressed as well.  Loss and confusion on each party's part shared.  And, most importantly, apologies and forgiveness offered and accepted on each side.

Honestly, I could not have asked for a better representation of God's Word or a textbook on relationships.

I am very blessed to have a person in my life that respects God's Word, tries hard to reflect and follow that Word, and that loves me, my family, and my world.  I can only hope to try and be half the person they are.  What I lack, my Partner holds.  What my Partner lacks, I think I hold.  Strength and balance between the two of us for sure.

I am not perfect.  My Partner is not perfect.  Together, we surely are not perfect.  We are just trying to read a Book and follow it's Principles and direction.

One thing I have learned the past 20 days is that I am loved.  Loved by a Creator God, loved by coworkers who reached out privately, loved by friends that showed up and gave of themselves and their talents, and loved by family members that all reached out and supported.

I found out I am stronger than what I thought I was.  That I don't need a Partner, and that not needing a Partner helped me break free of strongholds I have always held on tightly to.  Twenty days granted me a closeness to the Cross.  Twenty days helped me heal and find myself.  Twenty days made me stronger so that I could be a better person for my Partner, if he returned.

My journey is certainly not over.  I'm still counting the days, as our relationship is still not fully restored.  It is a tentative work in progress.  I sort of think it should always be like that.  I don't want to be fully confident in another person again.  I want to know I can do life on my own if I have to.  That I can go to the Cross and be restored and strengthened.  Be taken care of.

I have so much to learn in life, and I wish I had learned all these lessons in my 20s and not now, in my 50s.  But I guess this is my path and I have to walk it.  Maybe my path will inspire other paths - others in their 20s that can learn from where I have walked.

Here is another great prayer - not only for marriage or dating relationship conflicts but also for conflicts that arise within your family or friendships.  May I always remember this (although my memory these days is not what it used to be) for my conflicts in the future:

"Gracious Lord, let the words of my mouth and the words of my husband’s mouth bring life to each other rather than death. Words are powerful and so are our tone and body language. I ask that You give us examples in the lives of godly couples to see what healthy communication in the midst of conflict is to look like, especially if we have not witnessed it before. Please help us not to shut down or run from disagreements either. You tell us not to let the sun set on our anger, so please give us a willingness on both our parts to resolve our disagreements in a timely, respectful, and kind manner."

If there is one thing I have learned this morning and over the last 20 days, it is this - be open and transparent in your relationships (all of them).  Love with your words, and do not use them as weapons.  Hold others higher than yourself and cling to the Cross with all your hurts, disappointments (in life and with people), and celebrations.  Jesus will bring you through!