Birch & Burlap

 

Psa. 80:19, "Restore us, Lord God Almighty; make your face shine on us, that we may be saved."

Have you ever loved someone so much and in a way that hurts your heart?

Have you ever watched someone struggle with an addiction they didn't realize was an addiction and become a second person - hidden away from the rest of their friends and family?  Living with a secret, so to speak, actually becoming two different people?

It's not fun.

But God.

When faced with and in these situations, God is listening.  God is watching.  God understands, feels, and rescues.

Earlier this week, I was suddenly woken up at 11 p.m. Wide awake and prodded to go down a certain path.  One I had not traveled down - ever.  But after being a Christian for  almost 40 years, I can recognize when it's God calling.  I know when it's God prodding me to do something.  It's such a different feeling than when a thought is coming from your own head or maybe your own insecurities.

So I took His hand and followed.

I didn't like where He led me.  My heart sank.  I mean, really sank.  God led me to a curtain.  He gently pulled it back and let me peek inside.  

It's been two days.  I've shared my heartbreak with two of my best friends.  What do I do with this information God has given me?  How do I proceed?  All agreed - take the time necessary - pray - gather your thoughts and feelings and proceed lightly.  All agreed - two different personalities, maybe addiction.

I'm not talking drugs or alcohol.  I'm talking self-esteem, acceptance, adoration, leadership.  It's terribly hard to watch. Hard to watch a loved one transform into someone else - go down a road they've been down before.

So why am I sharing this?  I guess for multiple reasons.  One, I need to journal it out.  Two, I need prayer and wisdom and guidance.  Three, if you're reading this, you may be facing the same thing.

I don't have an answer for you, and I certainly do not have an answer for me.  I have cried.  I have felt duped.  I have felt empty.  But I have also stood in the darkness of my bedroom, at the foot of my bed arguing and talking with God.  Pretending He was right in front of me - and I was putting my loved one at the foot of Jesus' feet and at the base of the Cross.

I have asked God, "Why did you lead me here?  What was YOUR purpose?  Does my loved one need rescuing?  Are we fighting for his soul?  Do you want me to save him or do you want me to leave him?"  Quite honestly, I have no idea.  So I am asking God daily (and sometimes hourly), "Show me.  Give me Scripture that I need.  Give me words that will need to be said.  Words that will heal and show empathy, not grow anger and discord, separation."

If you are lost with a loved one, like I am this morning, let's join together virtually hand-in-hand praying for them. Asking God to show us why we are in this battle.  How can we help our loved one and how can we move forward?  How can we bind up the evil and cast it out?  How can we fill the void that casting out will leave?  How can we lead our loved one to Jesus?

I'm not weary - yet.  I'm listening to you Jesus.  Show me where to walk.  Give me the Scripture I need to move forward.  Give me the empathy and words my loved one will need to hear.  I am really sad right now.  I feel duped - my loved one has been leading two lives.  I feel sad for my loved one, and I feel alone because I'm dealing with someone who does not think like I do nor do I understand this world they are in - the draw of it - or why it's so important.

Jesus - please hear myself and those reading this who are struggling with the same issue.  We ask for you to grant us wisdom and patience.  Put Scripture in our midst that will help not only us but our loved one.  Put resources and people in our paths that will help us and our loved ones.  We ask that you bind the evil that controls our loved one, bind it, and toss it into the eternal lake of fire, freeing our loved one from the snares and talons.  We ask that you allow our loved ones to heal and ask Jesus into their hearts.  We ask that you block all future paths of temptation with your Heavenly Hosts and keep their hearts safe and guarded.  Give us what we need to protect ourselves and also to help our loved ones.

Jesus, thank you.  Thank you for your love, your grace, your patience - and for showing me behind the curtain.  Give me the tools I need to fight.  I stand ready for battle for my loved one.  But I need your help.

Train me.  Equip me.  I am here.

Amen.